Happy Birthday

I stepped out onto my side of the balcony and answered the call, "Yeah."

"Hey, guess who I am."

"Mikel."

There were noises in the background as I waited for his reply.

"Ok, 1, 2, 3- Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you…"

In the song, I heard the voices of the others. They were gathered together again, except for me.

"Happy birthday from miles away," he said at the end of the song.

"Ask him if he is touched?" I heard Stefanie's voice ask in the background.

"Let me talk to him!"

Maggie.

"Hey Giovanni, how are things over there? Happy Birthday to you. When are you coming back?"

"Thanks Maggie. Things are fine over here…I don't know when I am coming back…"

"Hey Gio, Stefanie here. Are you touched? I bet we are the only people who sent you birthday wishes, no?"

"Yeah, I am touched."

"Not very sincere…"

I wasn't paying attention to her reply, because Mikel was talking in the background. Then I heard her laugh. She said something I couldn't catch. But it was her.

"Ok, hang on, I will pass you over," Stefanie said.

"Hi Gio," Claire's unmistakable voice.

I finally managed to reply, "Hi."

"First of all,happy birthday." There was a cheerfulness in her tone; I could almost see her smiling.

"Thank you."

"How are you spending your birthday? You are staying at home right? As always…hey, why don't you go out and do something special? It after all comes only once a year."

"But it comes every year."

"Are you trying to be clever? Go on, go out and make it memorable."

"It's already late."

"So? That's just an excuse, isn't it? There are a few hours left before midnight. There's still time. You just need to get out there."

"Staying at home is nice too."

"But that's what you do every year."

"I am happy like this."

The moment my words came out, even I was stung for a while. I regretted it immediately. But yet, I did not retract it. At that moment, I didn't understand what I was doing anymore. I couldn't quite explain what was going through my head, what I was feeling, as I was talking to Claire on the phone. As I was talking to her for the first time in a while.

"As you wish," she said, ending it.

I didn't manage to retract my words.

"Hey Giovanni, Mikel again. Treasure the last bit of your birthday ok? Talk to you again, bye."

He hung up, and I was all alone again; that brief connection was broken.

It was then that I noticed her.

She was sitting on her foldable chair at her side of the balcony smoking.

"Had an argument?" she asked casually.

"Not really," I shook my head, and leaned against the railing, taking in the crisp evening air.

"It's my birthday today," I said, glancing at her. She exhaled, turning her head to the railing so that the smoke would leave the balcony. Her face registered surprise, and she got up and came over.

"Happy Birthday," she stuck out a hand and smiled.

"Thank you," I shook it.

"What are you doing here then?"

"I don't have the habit of celebrating my birthday. And I don't really know anyone in this city either."

She exhaled another stream of smoke into the evening air. "So your friends called to send their regards?"

I nodded.

"That's nice of them."

"Yeah," I smiled slightly.

"They mean a lot to you right? Especially one of them, the one whom you talked to last. Even though right at the end, you said unkind words."

I was struck by her bluntness. By the truth in her words. They bored right through me. The many, many superficial layers I had put on- to protect what, even I couldn't give myself an adequate answer.

She returned to her seat, "Pride…is like the darkness. It hinders your vision. But unlike the natural darkness, pride is more like switching off the lights yourself."

She bent down and tapped her cigarette lightly against the edge of her ashtray on the floor. "Sorry, I talk too much."

I smiled bitterly, "No, you are right. Absolutely right."

I inhaled sharply, "I never seem to learn, always making the same mistake, again and again."

"If God gives you a second chance, and you don't take it, don't expect him to give you a third."

"I won't get another chance."

"Why?"

"She's married."

"Uh huh."

"But she's happier now… I haven't heard her laugh in a while. But her laughter is something I have never forgotten. Hearing it again was like a burden off my shoulders. Like an absolvent."

She did not reply to that, but stubbed her cigarette and got up, making for her room. "It's cold, so I am going in. Good night."

At the door, she said without turning to look at me, "Why don't you be happier? Make it a birthday gift for yourself."

And she left me standing alone on the balcony in the cold August night.