Tokyo

Sunday 22 March 2009

10 a.m., Tokyo at last. Tokyo, my refuge, the place of her dreams. She wasn't hard to miss; the sole blonde amidst the waiting contingent.

Her embrace was warm, a contrast to the last lingering chill of winter.

On the Keisei Main Line. Chiba flashed by, as I listened to her talk. She talked about school, her trip to Hokkaido in December and her new TV. She wasn't the kind who usually talked a lot, but she did so, because she knew I wasn't ready.

That was her- always able to read the situation and react accordingly.

"So you got dumped and did badly for your exams?" she asked, hitting me playfully on the arm, a twinkle in her eye. She looked at me, eyes wide open, expectantly, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Yeah. What a loser." I smiled and we both burst out laughing.

"But you are ok now, right?"

"Not quite… ramen would do the trick. Your treat."

"All right, all right, I guess it is my duty to comfort the poor loser."

Monday 23 March 2009

Sushi buffet, we sat at the conveyor belt and the empty plates piled up. We ate like there was no tomorrow.

"It's been a long time since I eat like this," I said.

"You know, the first time I had sushi here in Japan, it was like a life-shattering experience. It was like someone telling you that something you have believed in all your life was false. I finally realized why you always said sushi in Germany is nothing."

"You saw the light."

And I saw her again, the her from three years ago. When we first met. It was the Japanese place I frequented. I was eating my ramen when she came in with two other friends. They ordered sushi and I couldn't help but watch them, or rather, her. What struck me back then, was that she looked really happy to be using chopsticks, even though she couldn't really use them well. There was awkwardness, yet elegance in the way she held her chopsticks. But what really struck me was how happy she seemed to be using chopsticks.

Tuesday 24 March 2009

WBC Final. Two outs, two strikes. Last chance for Ichiro. His bat connected, the ball flew, and everyone in the café jumped. Relief, joy. People around us were cheering and applauding. I turned to her, grinning.

She was on the phone. "Did you see that? Did you see that? Wonderful, isn't it?"

Ichiro's hit would prove to be the title-winning hit for Japan.

Wednesday 25 March 2009

Shinjuku. We listened to the girl play the guitar and sing. Chasing her dream amidst 12 million people.

"There he is!" she pointed. My cousin, her boyfriend.

"Hey, how are you? Sorry I couldn't meet you the past few days…was back home in Sendai."

Most of the relatives on my mother's side of the family live in Sendai. Back when we were still living in Tokyo, we often went to Sendai during the holidays to visit our relatives. Although we met only during the holidays, we were very close, because we were of the same age and didn't have any brothers.

About 5 years ago, my family moved to Germany because of my father's job. Whenever we came back to Japan, we would still meet up. A year ago, my cousin moved to Tokyo after he got into a university in Tokyo. That was when she told me she was going to Tokyo.

"What are you going to do there?" I asked her back then.

"I don't really know…but I will find something I like…find something I won't mind doing for the rest of my life."

"For the rest of your life."

"For the rest of my life."

"You want to stay in Tokyo for the rest of your life?"

"For the rest of my life."

I chose to stay in Germany.

Thursday 26 March 2009

In football, we always talk about the third man: how the third man must make the run, how the third man must provide another option…

But do you know what it feels like to be the third man? The third man eating sukiyaki with a couple opposite him, the third man standing to one side, watching a couple kiss, the third man at a café with a couple sharing a dessert.

The third man walking behind a couple holding hands on Omotesando.

Friday 27 March 2009

Cherry blossom watching always fills me with awe as well as reflections. The transient nature of life. The fleeting beauty. The insignificance of eternity.

The cherries weren't quite in full bloom; it was just that bit early. But a lot of people were out in full force.

We managed to get a spot for ourselves at Ueno, so that I could say, on my last day in Tokyo, I saw the sakura.

I was leaving early tomorrow.

"I can't see you off tomorrow, because I have to work, so you have to make do with just him," she said, as we stood at the entrance of the train station.

"That will do."

"So goodbye, and have a safe trip."

One last embrace.

"Goodbye."

Do you ever think about what it really means to say goodbye? Are you leaving a part of your life, a part of you behind for safekeeping by someone else, or are you leaving for good, never coming back?

Somehow, this farewell was proving to be heavier than expected.

Saturday 28 March 2009

Airport.

"Do you ever regret staying in Europe and not coming back?"

"No…when you have been abroad for 5 years, you can't possibly come back anymore. At least that is what I feel. I miss Tokyo sometimes, but no, I have never regretted it. When you make decisions in life, sometimes you just have to stick to them and keep the faith."

"I see…so when are you coming over again?"

"I don't know. Maybe not for a while…because we must get on with our lives. Even if I come back, I know that Tokyo will never be mine. The Tokyo I come back to will belong to the two of you... Hey, take care of her, will you?"