July 16, 2008

Today is an important day of my life. Today, I say goodbye to many things, many beautiful things in my life. Things that were once important to me. Even now, even in the future, when I look back on them, I can only smile and have fond memories of them.

But I know it is time to let go and move on. It is not an easy decision to make, because these things have been such a big part of my life. Even right up till the very end, more than anyone else, I have always believed, I have always been there, I have always fought, and I have never given up.

I feel that sometimes people take things for granted, do not cherish, appreciate some things enough. Maybe it is because they have always had other options, other alternatives. I have never had much, only these. So I have always been holding tightly, not letting go.

But what is important to you may not be as important to other people. So in the past months, I realize I have mostly been alone. It is not easy to be fighting alone. It is not easy to be the one shouldering the responsibility all the time. At some point in time, you feel totally alone out there, and I can tell you, it is very overwhelming; humbling, even. Many people can laugh about this, but they don't understand loneliness. They claim to, but they don't.

The last few months have been mostly disappointment. Even amidst this, I have held on…yet the questions keep coming…so much so that I have to start asking myself some questions…questions that I have always tried to avoid. And this is the conclusion I have arrived at.

It is not a decision made on impulse, but one reached after careful thought. To come to it, to admit that it's the end, that I have done all that I could, that I have nothing more to give…it took a lot of courage, because I think even the people closest to me do not realize how important these things were to me.

People may say I have changed. I haven't. Deep down, nothing has changed. I am just realigning myself, as others have done so before me. This is nothing to be proud about, but I am the last.

That is why, today, I can stand here and face tomorrow without any regrets. It feels as though a huge load have been taken off my shoulders.