induced insomnia

at my grandmothers house just now, my uncle saw me wearing a holland jersey and said that he like holland too. then we started talking about holland, the past, the present and the future.

then i was thinking: when was it that i fell in love with holland? how did i fall in love with holland?

i can't really think of the reason. i mean, now i can say that the dutch concept is similar to mine, appeals to me. but i was pretty sure that wasnt the reason back then. you can say that as this relationship develops, through a better understanding of holland, i gained a better understanding of myself. but still, i can't recall why i started to like holland.

maybe there's just no reason.

maybe it's just fate.

oh by the way, the way otsuka ai pronounces planetarium is so cool. pla-ne-ta-rium. a very german way of pronouncing it. otsuka ai can look so ordinary one moment, from one angle, and so stylish from anotehr. and her daisukidayo is very nice. slow and sad.
**

"you can't close your eyes," the strange man told me. "or you will fall asleep. and when that happens, all will be lost."

"but i can enter the dream world when i sleep..."

"but when you awaken, you will find yourself in a nightmare. the eternal hell..."he said darkly. "you would have lost."

you would have lost. his words replayed themselves over and over.