today

personally, today is quite a disaster, while for the team, it is quite a success.

never really got going. for three reasons. one, a sudden mysterious condition. two, a sudden loss in confidence, three the lost feeling. i would say reason three was the most significant factor, although how much one and two contributed to it is a good question. quite a bit, i think.

i say it is disappointing because i had looked forward to it. so much excitement, so much expectation. and so much disappointment. it is never fun to watch from outside, be it literally or metaphorically. like how everyone does well and you don't. it makes you question your existence. your role. and regarding your role, maybe the easy answer to the identity problem- a free role, isn't quite the best answer. it can make things worse, especially when things don't go your way.

so next week is very important, because questions must be answered. questions which should have been answered today. unfinished business.

that's why i am even more sian about next saturday. i think it is a freaking waste of time. especially now that you suddenly realise the significance of it.