Domani 3
Ken
I was in the plane’s lavatory. As I washed my hands, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was long again.
When I was 15, my grandmother came over for a visit. My hair was rather long then. She looked at me and choked back tears as she said, “Your hair is just like your mother’s. Brown, wavy.”
After that, I shaved my hair off and that became my hairstyle up till my graduation from high school.
In my last year of high school, during summer vacation, I stepped out from my uncle’s house, intending to take a stroll when I saw our neighbour Mrs Yamada tending to her flowers.
“Good morning.” I smiled as I greeted her.
“Oh…Good morning.” She gave me a long look after that.
“Are you okay, Mrs Yamada?” I asked, concerned.
“No-nothing…You look just like your mother when you smile. You have the same smile.” She had a sad smile as she said this.
It was then that I knew that even cutting my hair was not enough to erase my mother from my life. It was like a part of her was in me, was part of me. I could never ever shake it off.
“Mrs Yamada, do you know my mother? Can you tell me more about my mother?”
From her, I learnt that my mother was a Spanish teacher at a language school. My father was her student, although he was older. They married, and had me. My parents used to come over a lot to my uncle’s place, because my father and my uncle were very close. That was how Mrs Yamada had known my mother.
According to her, my mother was a very nice lady, always smiling.
But she still left us when I was five. Because of that, my father sunk into depression and eventually killed himself. By the time I turned six, both my parents had already abandoned me. I lived with my uncle from then on. My uncle, my aunt and my cousins were very kind to me. Nevertheless, the first few years were difficult. I felt as though God had played a sick prank on me. What made it worse was that of the 1.5 million people in Kobe, He had picked me.
With the passing of time, however, I eventually got used to it, although I couldn’t tell myself that everything was normal, because the fact was that everything wasn’t.
***
Ichiro
And so, I was standing at the ticketing gate, waving to her. “Go home.”
She smiled. “Not until you go in, not until I can’t see you anymore.”
“Ok, then I am leaving. Goodbye.”
She nodded. “Take care. Tell me when you reach Kobe.”
I nodded and inserted my ticket. Passing through the gate, I turned around to wave to her once more, before striding towards the platform.
Two years ago, we were in this sort of situation, just that our roles were reversed. She was leaving, while I stayed. She waved to us, before adjusting her duffel bag on her shoulder. Then, violin case in hand, she walked towards the train, towards her future.
That spring, as the snow melted, as flowers began to bud, I watched as my friends left me one by one.
Kenichi, Kanna
***
Kanna
As I watched him disappear into the crowd, fade away from my life again, emptiness engulfed me. Kobe is only three hours away from Tokyo, but we meet only once or twice a year, when he comes to Tokyo, or when I return to Kobe.
Had we been too busy with our own lives, too busy with pursuing our own dreams that we have neglected the people dear to us?
I thought about Ken and Ichiro, my best friends. They had both come into my life and made a difference, in their own ways.
Ken is always the clown, always ready with a joke, with a smile, a hearty laugh. I envy his carefree approach to life, the way he takes everything in his stride, always with a ‘it’s ok’ ready. I suspect that it is a result of ‘the great tragedy of his life’, as he himself puts it, with a twinkle in his eye. Either having to come to terms with it has made him stronger, has enabled him to take such a relaxed approach to things or he has always been, in reality, building a defensive wall of smiles, jokes and laughter around him, nursing a deep wound in the depths of his heart. I suppose it is a combination of both. But anyhow, he has lit up my life.
Being with Ichiro till dawn that day made me realize how fortunate I was, and how stupid I would be, if I were to walk away from violin. My parents had always supported me fully in whatever I do. I just have to say ‘yes’. Everything was really up to me. It was just a question of whether I had the guts. Ichiro’s resolve gave me the strength to dispel whatever doubts I had…to pick up the application forms, to go for the tests and interviews, to come to Tokyo alone, to fulfill my dream.
But at times like these, amidst the crowds, on chilly nights like these, I sometimes find myself wondering if I should have stayed.
***
Ken
“Have you filled in the forms?”
“I did it on the plane. Don’t worry, I come here often. Business.” Mr Garcia smiled.
I nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I guess we part from here. I am going over to the ‘Japanese Citizen’ side.”
“Sure. Take care.”
“You too.” I walked past him.
“You know…”
I stopped in my tracks.
“She’s your best friend because there is someone else, isn’t it? So if you like her, why don’t you fight for her? For your own sake… no point living in self-denial, you know, saying she’s your best friend.”
I turned around.
“Are you going to grow old and lonely, and then regret that when you were a young man, you didn’t fight for the girl you love? Do you need an old man to tell you to cherish every moment of your life?”
I continued staring at him without a word.
“I know, because that was what happened to me. It’s up to you. I just don’t wish to see you follow in my path. Goodbye.”
Back in high school, I often went to the library with Ichiro, because he wanted to coach me in my studies, and figured that the library would be a good place. Well, there were books on languages there, and it’s another place to ogle at girls. Anyway, there was once when we both split to find our own stuff, and when I found him again, he was at a table, reading a book.
“Game Theory?” I looked at the cover and read aloud.
“It is the study of how two or more parties make decisions in relation to each other. A very good example is the Prisoner’s Dilemma,” he said without looking up.
It is very simple, actually.
Assuming that Kanna will accept either of our love declaration, but not both, I can declare my love for Kanna. If Ichiro follows suit, then things would be a mess between the three of us. If he doesn’t, then Kanna and I would be together. I can choose not to. Then, if Ichiro does, Kanna would be with him, and I would be all alone. If he doesn’t, things will remain as they are, as they have been for the past 5 years.
Or is it?
***
Kanna
From my house, the Tokyo Tower can be seen. In fact, I was looking at it, a brilliant orange spire illuminating the darkness. Then, the glow disappeared.
That was how I knew it was midnight. Tomorrow. A brand new day had begun.
I Wish’s Asu e no Tobira suddenly played. It was my phone. Who could be calling at this hour?
“Hello?”
“Hey Kanna, it’s me.”
I laughed in delight. It was Ken. “Hey! How have you been? Where are you now?”
“Look out of your window.”
I went to the window again. There he was, waving to me. It was him, alright. “Wait for me.”
I ran down the 4 flights of stairs to the ground floor and threw my arms around him. “I can’t believe you are back! Why didn’t you say you were coming back?”
“You didn’t ask.” He chuckled.
I stepped back and narrowed my eyes. “Idiot.”
“I took the airport limousine here just to see you and all you can say is ‘idiot’?”
“Well, I am touched, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are one.”
“Whatever you say. Do you have space for me up there?”
“There is plenty of space here.”
“What happened to all our years of friendship?”
“Over the moment you left two years ago.”
“Yet you gave me this address back then.”
“So?”
“You wanted to make sure I would write to you. So you gave me your new address in Tokyo, even though you hadn’t moved in.”
“So?”
“So you still see me as friend.”
“Well, I changed my mind after your plane left the airport.”
“Whatever you say. You are certainly very disagreeable today.”
“Ok, I am going up.”
“What about me?”
I laughed. “Okay… but you have to pay rent!”
He laughed.
***
Ichiro
My phone sounded. I flipped it open.
Guess what? Ken is back. He’s at my house now. Just touched down not long ago.
That’s great. Tell him I said Hi.
I picked up the photo of the three of us. It was taken during our last summer vacation of high school. At Suma Beach. We went in the late afternoon. Perhaps we knew that we would never have the chance to do this again, at least not as teenagers, so we had the fun of our lives, with sparklers and everything. When we finally stopped, we were just in time to catch the sunset. We talked. We talked for a really long time. At that moment, I was really happy. So happy that I really wished time would just stop, so that the three of us would be forever like that, happy together, in bliss. But time slipped by, and so did our consciousness.
Suddenly, Ken woke us up. Sunrise.
“Let’s take a photograph!” he suggested excitedly.
“Another one?”
“This time, it will be special,” he insisted.
And so, he set his camera up. As the camera timer beeped, the three of us stood there, hands on hips, staring out into the sunrise, staring into our future. Ready to face the challenges, ready to see out our dreams to the end.
***
Kanna
Ken was singing in the shower. Ken Hirai’s Missing you~ it will break my heart. A song from January 2002. A song from those happy days.
“Don’t sing such a song!” I shouted.
“What?” he shouted back.
“I say, don’t sing such a sad song. Choose a happy song. You are back!”
“What’s new? I don’t know any new songs.”
“Well, there’s asu e no tobira by I Wish…”
“How does it sound like?”
I sang for him.
***
Ken
Listening to Kanna’s voice, I felt as though I was being transported back to 18 March 2002. Kansai International Airport.
“Have you brought everything you need?” Ichiro asked.
“Me, my camera, my journal, this pen. What more do I need?” I grinned.
“Write some postcards on the way or something, yeah?” he said.
“I still have some time…let’s go for a drink.”
We found ourselves at a café, the three of us. Ichiro offered to buy the drinks. “Chocolate for Kanna, Latte for Ken, right?”
The two of us nodded. We sat without a word for a while, both of us staring into space.
“Take care of yourself over there ok?”
“I will. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
She turned to look at the counter. The next thing I knew, her face was directly in front of me. She tilted her head and I felt her kiss my cheek.
“Goodbye kiss,” she said.
“What took you so long?” she asked Ichiro when he appeared at our table with the drinks. He merely shrugged.
There was a look of uncertainty in her eyes.
I stepped out, drying my hair with the towel.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?”
I shook my head.
“Great! Let’s go Kobe.”
I was in the plane’s lavatory. As I washed my hands, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was long again.
When I was 15, my grandmother came over for a visit. My hair was rather long then. She looked at me and choked back tears as she said, “Your hair is just like your mother’s. Brown, wavy.”
After that, I shaved my hair off and that became my hairstyle up till my graduation from high school.
In my last year of high school, during summer vacation, I stepped out from my uncle’s house, intending to take a stroll when I saw our neighbour Mrs Yamada tending to her flowers.
“Good morning.” I smiled as I greeted her.
“Oh…Good morning.” She gave me a long look after that.
“Are you okay, Mrs Yamada?” I asked, concerned.
“No-nothing…You look just like your mother when you smile. You have the same smile.” She had a sad smile as she said this.
It was then that I knew that even cutting my hair was not enough to erase my mother from my life. It was like a part of her was in me, was part of me. I could never ever shake it off.
“Mrs Yamada, do you know my mother? Can you tell me more about my mother?”
From her, I learnt that my mother was a Spanish teacher at a language school. My father was her student, although he was older. They married, and had me. My parents used to come over a lot to my uncle’s place, because my father and my uncle were very close. That was how Mrs Yamada had known my mother.
According to her, my mother was a very nice lady, always smiling.
But she still left us when I was five. Because of that, my father sunk into depression and eventually killed himself. By the time I turned six, both my parents had already abandoned me. I lived with my uncle from then on. My uncle, my aunt and my cousins were very kind to me. Nevertheless, the first few years were difficult. I felt as though God had played a sick prank on me. What made it worse was that of the 1.5 million people in Kobe, He had picked me.
With the passing of time, however, I eventually got used to it, although I couldn’t tell myself that everything was normal, because the fact was that everything wasn’t.
***
Ichiro
And so, I was standing at the ticketing gate, waving to her. “Go home.”
She smiled. “Not until you go in, not until I can’t see you anymore.”
“Ok, then I am leaving. Goodbye.”
She nodded. “Take care. Tell me when you reach Kobe.”
I nodded and inserted my ticket. Passing through the gate, I turned around to wave to her once more, before striding towards the platform.
Two years ago, we were in this sort of situation, just that our roles were reversed. She was leaving, while I stayed. She waved to us, before adjusting her duffel bag on her shoulder. Then, violin case in hand, she walked towards the train, towards her future.
That spring, as the snow melted, as flowers began to bud, I watched as my friends left me one by one.
Kenichi, Kanna
***
Kanna
As I watched him disappear into the crowd, fade away from my life again, emptiness engulfed me. Kobe is only three hours away from Tokyo, but we meet only once or twice a year, when he comes to Tokyo, or when I return to Kobe.
Had we been too busy with our own lives, too busy with pursuing our own dreams that we have neglected the people dear to us?
I thought about Ken and Ichiro, my best friends. They had both come into my life and made a difference, in their own ways.
Ken is always the clown, always ready with a joke, with a smile, a hearty laugh. I envy his carefree approach to life, the way he takes everything in his stride, always with a ‘it’s ok’ ready. I suspect that it is a result of ‘the great tragedy of his life’, as he himself puts it, with a twinkle in his eye. Either having to come to terms with it has made him stronger, has enabled him to take such a relaxed approach to things or he has always been, in reality, building a defensive wall of smiles, jokes and laughter around him, nursing a deep wound in the depths of his heart. I suppose it is a combination of both. But anyhow, he has lit up my life.
Being with Ichiro till dawn that day made me realize how fortunate I was, and how stupid I would be, if I were to walk away from violin. My parents had always supported me fully in whatever I do. I just have to say ‘yes’. Everything was really up to me. It was just a question of whether I had the guts. Ichiro’s resolve gave me the strength to dispel whatever doubts I had…to pick up the application forms, to go for the tests and interviews, to come to Tokyo alone, to fulfill my dream.
But at times like these, amidst the crowds, on chilly nights like these, I sometimes find myself wondering if I should have stayed.
***
Ken
“Have you filled in the forms?”
“I did it on the plane. Don’t worry, I come here often. Business.” Mr Garcia smiled.
I nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I guess we part from here. I am going over to the ‘Japanese Citizen’ side.”
“Sure. Take care.”
“You too.” I walked past him.
“You know…”
I stopped in my tracks.
“She’s your best friend because there is someone else, isn’t it? So if you like her, why don’t you fight for her? For your own sake… no point living in self-denial, you know, saying she’s your best friend.”
I turned around.
“Are you going to grow old and lonely, and then regret that when you were a young man, you didn’t fight for the girl you love? Do you need an old man to tell you to cherish every moment of your life?”
I continued staring at him without a word.
“I know, because that was what happened to me. It’s up to you. I just don’t wish to see you follow in my path. Goodbye.”
Back in high school, I often went to the library with Ichiro, because he wanted to coach me in my studies, and figured that the library would be a good place. Well, there were books on languages there, and it’s another place to ogle at girls. Anyway, there was once when we both split to find our own stuff, and when I found him again, he was at a table, reading a book.
“Game Theory?” I looked at the cover and read aloud.
“It is the study of how two or more parties make decisions in relation to each other. A very good example is the Prisoner’s Dilemma,” he said without looking up.
It is very simple, actually.
Assuming that Kanna will accept either of our love declaration, but not both, I can declare my love for Kanna. If Ichiro follows suit, then things would be a mess between the three of us. If he doesn’t, then Kanna and I would be together. I can choose not to. Then, if Ichiro does, Kanna would be with him, and I would be all alone. If he doesn’t, things will remain as they are, as they have been for the past 5 years.
Or is it?
***
Kanna
From my house, the Tokyo Tower can be seen. In fact, I was looking at it, a brilliant orange spire illuminating the darkness. Then, the glow disappeared.
That was how I knew it was midnight. Tomorrow. A brand new day had begun.
I Wish’s Asu e no Tobira suddenly played. It was my phone. Who could be calling at this hour?
“Hello?”
“Hey Kanna, it’s me.”
I laughed in delight. It was Ken. “Hey! How have you been? Where are you now?”
“Look out of your window.”
I went to the window again. There he was, waving to me. It was him, alright. “Wait for me.”
I ran down the 4 flights of stairs to the ground floor and threw my arms around him. “I can’t believe you are back! Why didn’t you say you were coming back?”
“You didn’t ask.” He chuckled.
I stepped back and narrowed my eyes. “Idiot.”
“I took the airport limousine here just to see you and all you can say is ‘idiot’?”
“Well, I am touched, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are one.”
“Whatever you say. Do you have space for me up there?”
“There is plenty of space here.”
“What happened to all our years of friendship?”
“Over the moment you left two years ago.”
“Yet you gave me this address back then.”
“So?”
“You wanted to make sure I would write to you. So you gave me your new address in Tokyo, even though you hadn’t moved in.”
“So?”
“So you still see me as friend.”
“Well, I changed my mind after your plane left the airport.”
“Whatever you say. You are certainly very disagreeable today.”
“Ok, I am going up.”
“What about me?”
I laughed. “Okay… but you have to pay rent!”
He laughed.
***
Ichiro
My phone sounded. I flipped it open.
Guess what? Ken is back. He’s at my house now. Just touched down not long ago.
That’s great. Tell him I said Hi.
I picked up the photo of the three of us. It was taken during our last summer vacation of high school. At Suma Beach. We went in the late afternoon. Perhaps we knew that we would never have the chance to do this again, at least not as teenagers, so we had the fun of our lives, with sparklers and everything. When we finally stopped, we were just in time to catch the sunset. We talked. We talked for a really long time. At that moment, I was really happy. So happy that I really wished time would just stop, so that the three of us would be forever like that, happy together, in bliss. But time slipped by, and so did our consciousness.
Suddenly, Ken woke us up. Sunrise.
“Let’s take a photograph!” he suggested excitedly.
“Another one?”
“This time, it will be special,” he insisted.
And so, he set his camera up. As the camera timer beeped, the three of us stood there, hands on hips, staring out into the sunrise, staring into our future. Ready to face the challenges, ready to see out our dreams to the end.
***
Kanna
Ken was singing in the shower. Ken Hirai’s Missing you~ it will break my heart. A song from January 2002. A song from those happy days.
“Don’t sing such a song!” I shouted.
“What?” he shouted back.
“I say, don’t sing such a sad song. Choose a happy song. You are back!”
“What’s new? I don’t know any new songs.”
“Well, there’s asu e no tobira by I Wish…”
“How does it sound like?”
I sang for him.
***
Ken
Listening to Kanna’s voice, I felt as though I was being transported back to 18 March 2002. Kansai International Airport.
“Have you brought everything you need?” Ichiro asked.
“Me, my camera, my journal, this pen. What more do I need?” I grinned.
“Write some postcards on the way or something, yeah?” he said.
“I still have some time…let’s go for a drink.”
We found ourselves at a café, the three of us. Ichiro offered to buy the drinks. “Chocolate for Kanna, Latte for Ken, right?”
The two of us nodded. We sat without a word for a while, both of us staring into space.
“Take care of yourself over there ok?”
“I will. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
She turned to look at the counter. The next thing I knew, her face was directly in front of me. She tilted her head and I felt her kiss my cheek.
“Goodbye kiss,” she said.
“What took you so long?” she asked Ichiro when he appeared at our table with the drinks. He merely shrugged.
There was a look of uncertainty in her eyes.
I stepped out, drying my hair with the towel.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?”
I shook my head.
“Great! Let’s go Kobe.”
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