最後の最後
so school has finally started.
other than the fact that it is time for lectures and tutorials again, there is also another similarity to jc times: the restriction of watching football to highlights. sopcast and all the other livestreams ceased to work for me about 2 weeks ago. the game against blackburn was the last live game i watched.
the past 2 years was in some ways a nightmare, in others a dream. a dream because i think if we hadnt been under that kind of circumstances, we wouldnt have been able to do the things we enjoyed. friday night dinners, sunday soccer, and football on scv.
i think it is so that sometimes we can talk about things as though they didnt concern us, as though we werent involved only after the madness is over, after the chaos has died down, after enough time has lapsed. maybe it is then, that our minds are clearer and we are able to make better evaluations.
amazingly, i haven't fallen asleep during math lectures. and i actually feel abit of excitement and motivation. maybe because it is something i havent done in a while.
i haven't played football since coming back. i have always thought that the reason why i would stop playing would remain the only reason. it is still the only valid reason, but it is not the only reason, because it is not the reason why i have stopped. so why did i stop? frankly speaking, it is a combination of factors.
i actually didnt write a story in september. i thought the inspiration would come in zagreb. but it didnt. when i look back on it, i feel that writing is similar to football. and for a while, i thought i have found the reason to stop playing and stop writing.
but some games seem to end before they have even begun.
even so, i can still remember how it was like, to feel your heart pounding again. maybe the excitement i feel now is a remnant from that memory, that sudden, irrational desire to be fighting not just for yourself, but for someone else.
even so, i can't deny that as days turn into weeks, so too does the possibility vanish.
but as hope turns into disappointment, like petals falling off, a single stalk will remain- that last bit of faith in the depths of your heart. 最後の最後. that very, very last bit of hope, belief that you cling on to until the very end.
but whether or not that is enough to overcome all odds stacked against you by the master trickster that is god remains to be seen.
some games may seem to be over, but then again, they may not be.
whatever the outcome may be, however, the taste of it was like a drop of water in a desert, a fleeting sweetness that reminds you that you are alive.
anyway, my new neighbour is a guy.
other than the fact that it is time for lectures and tutorials again, there is also another similarity to jc times: the restriction of watching football to highlights. sopcast and all the other livestreams ceased to work for me about 2 weeks ago. the game against blackburn was the last live game i watched.
the past 2 years was in some ways a nightmare, in others a dream. a dream because i think if we hadnt been under that kind of circumstances, we wouldnt have been able to do the things we enjoyed. friday night dinners, sunday soccer, and football on scv.
i think it is so that sometimes we can talk about things as though they didnt concern us, as though we werent involved only after the madness is over, after the chaos has died down, after enough time has lapsed. maybe it is then, that our minds are clearer and we are able to make better evaluations.
amazingly, i haven't fallen asleep during math lectures. and i actually feel abit of excitement and motivation. maybe because it is something i havent done in a while.
i haven't played football since coming back. i have always thought that the reason why i would stop playing would remain the only reason. it is still the only valid reason, but it is not the only reason, because it is not the reason why i have stopped. so why did i stop? frankly speaking, it is a combination of factors.
i actually didnt write a story in september. i thought the inspiration would come in zagreb. but it didnt. when i look back on it, i feel that writing is similar to football. and for a while, i thought i have found the reason to stop playing and stop writing.
but some games seem to end before they have even begun.
even so, i can still remember how it was like, to feel your heart pounding again. maybe the excitement i feel now is a remnant from that memory, that sudden, irrational desire to be fighting not just for yourself, but for someone else.
even so, i can't deny that as days turn into weeks, so too does the possibility vanish.
but as hope turns into disappointment, like petals falling off, a single stalk will remain- that last bit of faith in the depths of your heart. 最後の最後. that very, very last bit of hope, belief that you cling on to until the very end.
but whether or not that is enough to overcome all odds stacked against you by the master trickster that is god remains to be seen.
some games may seem to be over, but then again, they may not be.
whatever the outcome may be, however, the taste of it was like a drop of water in a desert, a fleeting sweetness that reminds you that you are alive.
anyway, my new neighbour is a guy.
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