your first birthday without you

"why do you lug a video camera around with you all the time?"

"because i want to take down all the beautiful things i see...so that when i lose my sight, people can see these videos and see the beautiful things i saw."
***
one of the most poignant movie scene i ever saw was from infernal affairs. shawn yue was walking out of the police academy gate, havin been expelled. the officer was saying something like: if you can't make it, you will be out, like him. who wants to be like him? then edison chen looked at shawn yue's departing figure and thought: i wish to be like him.

why is it you? it could have been me.
***
your first birthday without you

like nothing to say,
staring at the calendar.

like being awake
when everyone is asleep.

like standing still,
as everyone moves.

like falling down,
when everyone's standing.

like picking the joker,
from a deck of aces.

like not knowing what to do,

as it looms.

like listening to a discman,

with no disc in it.

like being helpless,

as the clock ticked down.