Keiko: Takashi's Story

1 June: Her Journal
During the bus ride, he did not say a single word.

We climbed up the steep stairs to reach the top of the hill. There was a small tombstone. On it was inscribed: Iwamasa Hiroyuki 1922-1997

He stood in front of it for a while, without saying a single word. I could not find my words either.

He finally spoke, “He’s my grandfather.”

I didn’t know what to say.

Then, he shut his eyes and continued, “Yesterday was his first death anniversary. I skipped it.”

He swallowed hard and his voice quivered a little. “I hate him. I hate him. He was a lieutenant during the war. Even right up till his death, he still believed that they were right, that they did no wrong.”

Even right up till that moment, Takashi never said what was in his heart.

I close Keiko’s journal. Her mother had handed it to me saying, “This is her journal. After all these years, perhaps you might want to read it…to understand her a little more.”

I take a good look around her room. It has been kept neat and tidy, even though no one has been using it for a long time. From the window, one could see the Pacific Ocean.

A series of light knocks on the door cause me to turn my head towards the door. Her mother enters and shuts the door noiselessly after her. Seeing me by the window, she must have guessed that I was staring at the sea. She says, “Keiko loved the sea. She wanted this room because it looks out to the sea.”

When I finally leave the house, I walk along the road, my eyes fixed to my right, on the beach and the Pacific Ocean beyond, like what Keiko would have done on her way to the bus stop.

I stop at the bench by the stairs leading down to the beach. 7 years ago, we sat here. It was the first time I talked to him. As in the first time I really talked to him, other than just say ‘Hi.’

I asked him, “So what are you going to do now?”

He replied, “Watch the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean.” He smiled slightly. “It was her last wish.”

Keiko died 7 years ago. I could still remember vividly that day when our homeroom teacher entered the classroom to tell us the news. The girls hugged one another and wailed, as the boys struggled to control their emotions. I only looked at the empty seat beside me and realized that Keiko was never coming back. When she first vacated it around two months ago to stay in the hospital, I told her I would keep it for her till she came back. She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes.

We all went to her funeral. Everyone liked Keiko. She was a nice girl who only had kind words for others. She was always there for others; she was the sort who would do everything she could to help someone in need. Frankly, time without her in the class was…weird. It wasn’t because I was suddenly sitting alone; it was as if the classroom was soulless. I am sure I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. We were all hoping that miraculously, she would return.

Of course, as we found out that day, miracles and hopes often fail the test of reality.

I was often asked, jokingly or otherwise, if I was in love with Keiko.

I was only a friend. A special friend, perhaps. But only a friend. Her boyfriend was Shinji. Aoki Shinji. From the next class. He was at the funeral too. In fact, we stood side by side as her parents scattered her ash over the ocean. We watched, as the whitish, grayish powder that was all that was left of Keiko, flutter briefly in the air, like falling powdered snow, before being swallowed up by the vast blue ocean.

After everything was over, while I was walking to the bus stop alone, I came across him sitting on the bench alone. Joining him on the bench, we sat there quietly for a while, as I tried to think of what to say. I didn’t know why I tried so hard. But in the end, I asked him what he was going to do. His answer told me that somehow, I should leave.

That I shouldn’t really be looking at this stretch of the Pacific Ocean.
**
2 July: Locked
“Write to me even when you are in Tokyo,” she says as she watches me help the truckers load my things into the truck.

I wipe off the sweat from my brow. “What’s there to write to you about?”

“Don’t be like this.”

“Ok, ok. I will tell you about the apartment. Yeah, that’s all. Thanks!” I raise an arm in acknowledgement and watch, as the truck drives off.

“Finally it’s done,” I mutter to myself. Then, remembering her presence, I say, “Well, it’s late, you should get going. I’ll walk you to the station.”

She nods.

I wave as she prepares to pass through the turnstiles. “See you. Work hard, make sure you learn something from school.”

She waves back, “I think I should learn how to pick locks first.”

“Why?”

She shakes her head and smiles ruefully. “Takashi, if you wish to love again, you have to let go of whatever’s left in your heart. Goodbye.”
**
3 August: Aki
I push open the window, allowing sunlight to stream in. Immediately, the room brightens up. Unlike my previous apartment, this one looks out to the street. Certainly very different from looking at the narrow alley between two buildings.

It’s really a beautiful day.

Then, I notice a young lady crossing the street, walking in my direction. She looks familiar. As I struggle to put a name to her face, she continues on her way, only looking straight ahead. Yamase Aki. My high school classmate. I watch her disappear into the building.

Later on, when I head for the convenience store around the corner, I instinctively turn to look at the mailboxes at the entrance of the building.

Aki Yamase
3-01

So, I am her new neighbour.
**
4 September: Yuki
“Eh?”

“Surprise!” She grins and peers in. “Oh my god, is this where you live? Is this even fit for humans to live?”

I shrug. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“You never wrote!” she says accusingly.

“How did you even find this place?”

“I went to your old office to get the number of your Tokyo office.”

I shake my head.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

I open the door wider.

She steps in, pulling a suitcase behind her. She looks at my shocked face. “Well, I am staying for a while. Holiday, you know.”

“You gotta be kidding.”
**
5 October: Message
As suddenly as she had arrived, I wake up to find Yuki gone. She had stuck a note on the refrigerator though.

“Gone back home. Thanks for everything in this one month. You know, your neighbour is a nice girl. Ever considered her? You know what I think? Maybe you don’t love the-girl-in-your-heart as much as you think you do. She is just an excuse you give for never falling in love with another girl again. The truth is that her rejection, her treatment of you as a normal friend hurt you a lot, so much so that you are so scared to go through something similar again. In short, you are afraid to get hurt, so you never try. Why don’t you take it easy on yourself, give yourself some time? Take your time…try it out… it’s like a baby taking its first step.- Yuki”
**
6 November: Cold
The weather is starting to turn cold. Just as well. Sometimes it is good to let the cold numb you. I shiver slightly as I type.

Takashi says:
Back in school, even though we were in the same class, and she sat next to the person beside me, we never really talked, partly because there was an aisle between that person and her, and partly because that person was her best friend. And her best friend is the-girl-in-my-heart.

Yuki is feeling cold =( says:
Uh huh.

Takashi says:
Is there anything else you can say?

Yuki. Autumn’s finally here! =) says:
Hmmm

Takashi says:
Can’t you say something of some value?

Yuki. Autumn’s finally here! =) says:
Well, what do you want me to say?
**
7 December: Emptiness

I open the door.

But the hallway is empty.
**
8 January: Questions
I never got around to asking Aki why he had come to look for her.

I never got around to asking myself why couldn’t he come to look for her.

I never got around to asking myself why I had gotten so worked up.

I never got around to asking myself if it was entirely because of Keiko.

Perhaps that’s because if I start asking these questions, I will feel guilty.
**
9 February: Drunk
I can’t remember who invited whom for drinks at the bar.

I must have gotten myself drunk, because suddenly I hear myself telling her everything.

"I left, because I felt I had no right to be there. That place solely belongs to Keiko and Shinji. It was so difficult to sit beside her. What was worse was that it didn’t mean anything to her: whoever sat beside her didn’t matter, because he or she would just be a friend. Nothing more. I am nothing more than a friend. I can’t be that. Not then, not now. She’s still in my heart, locked in there forever.”

That’s when Aki bursts out. And I realize that she is suffering as much as I am.
**
10 March: Macallan
11 at night, I am alone in the bar. Sipping a Macallan single malt Scotch whisky.
**
11 April: Closed Door

Before I know it, I reach out and grab her arm. “Can you say that you really, really love him?”

“Stop it!” She breaks free and with tears in her eyes, rushes into her apartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

I shout through the closed door, “Aki! I’ll be waiting.”

But I can’t wait forever.
**
12 May: Moving on
“Is that all?”

“Yes, that’s all,” I nod. “I’ll be counting on you then.”

“No problem.”

After they drive off with my belongings, I go back up to my apartment. I walk around it one last time, just to make sure I have left nothing, before I lock it up.

I glance at her door. She isn’t back yet.

Goodbye, I mouth.
**
1 June: It’s too late

“Mr. Iwamasa?”

“Yes?”

“This letter is for you. Sent from the Tokyo office.”

“Oh. Thank you.” He hands me the envelope.

“Iwamasa Takashi.”

I flip it over. “Yamase Aki.”

I open it.

‘Takashi, where are you? They wouldn’t tell me where you were posted. So I thought I would write a letter to you, and hopefully they would forward it to you. Takashi, I have been looking for you. Call me. Aki’

I put the letter back in its envelope.

“It’s too late isn’t it, Aki?”