Tokyo

if it were all a big joke, then i have to applaud god's cleverness.

i am not angry or what. maybe a bit of resignation. a smile perhaps, when i look back on this. what more could i have done; i never once thought of ranting. it's like i have accepted it, or even foreseen it somehow.

have you ever searched the world for something, only to discover that it has always been with you all this while, that you have long found it?

when i first went to tokyo 4 years ago, i didnt think much of it. it has since become so important to me. one of god's little jokes.

i searched everywhere for a city, even tried to create one. without realising that i had already found it.

i searched everywhere for a tokyo. i thought it was osaka, but when i stop being proud, when i stop being angry, it is actually tokyo.

did i ever imagine, when i was describing cities, how damned right i would be?

tokyo understood me, and took me in, with all my baggage. i was myself in tokyo.

sometimes i wonder if i should have gone to tokyo again. maybe it would have been better not to realise it. maybe it would have been easier to leave without regrets.

but it's too late now, isn't it? that's why i say it's all a big joke. maybe i won't stay in tokyo next time; it would just be a place where i go to seek solace. the kind of place where you only need to go once in a while to feel like it's been forever. maybe i will stay somewhere like milan, kobe, munich, or even just singapore. but i guess tokyo will always have a special place in my heart.

even after all these years, you are still the one who understands me most.