memories 7
I reached home and searched my apartment for something very dear to me.
I finally found it in a drawer, underneath a stack of paper which was part of my Japanese learning process.
Dear Sophie,
How are you?
It sounds kind of funny, isn’t it, writing a letter to yourself. A letter you might never even read again.
Anyway, how have you been? Back in Germany?
Summer’s very humid here. Otherwise, things are fine here. I love the food, I love the people here. My Japanese has improved a lot. I am really enjoying myself here. Recently, I have been travelling around. Nara, Himeji, Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe. Fuji as well. I am planning to go Hokkaido in winter for skiing and the seafood. I heard that it’s really great there. Fuji as well. It should be magnificent in winter. Have been taking a lot of photographs. In case my memory fails me.
How is he? I don’t know. Do you? But I really haven’t seen him in Tokyo. Just as well.
Sometimes, some people come into our lives for no reason at all. Suddenly; without warning.
They may stay for a long time. And they may then leave just as suddenly. But when they leave,
they leave your life in a mess. Like a typhoon. Even if they are physically no longer there, they will stay on in your memory. Like permanent footprints on your heart.
Stay strong, Sophie. I know you are fighting hard. Keep going.
Regards,
Sophie
24 July 2000
P.S. Happy birthday to us, all the ones uncelebrated. You never had the habit of celebrating your birthday, so after he left, I bet you just let your birthday pass without anything meaningful happening. I am right, am I not? So, happy birthday to you, and happy birthday to me, on my first birthday without him.
**
“Oh it’s you. We are closed,” she said when she noticed me standing at the entrance as she got out.
“I have been waiting for you.”
“Oh? What about it?”
“You might not believe it, but I am living in your old room.”
**
I told him everything. How we met, how we got together, how we separated, how I went to Japan, not knowing if I was going there to find him, to understand him, or to forget him by losing myself there. I told him about Fabian as well, and how hard it was for me to forget everything.
He listened to everything without a word and at the end of it all, said, “To remember is a form of respect. Respect to the people who were once important to you.”
**
“Kazuki! Here!”
“Oh!” I walked up to my old friend and hugged him. “How are you?”
“Good! It’s great to see you again.”
“Seems like we will be working again. But this time in Germany.”
“Yeah. Come, let’s go to your hotel.”
We got a cab outside Cologne Central Station. Soon, we reached the Hyatt on the other side of the Rhine. After I was properly settled down, we went down to the hotel lounge for drinks. I was putting up at the hotel till my apartment was ready. That was the arrangement by my company.
“Snowball, please,” I placed my order.
“I heard you were in Cologne before.”
“I was. Doing my masters.”
“So you don’t really need a tour of this place. Knowing you, you probably would have taken photographs of every corner here.”
“It has been a while, Yosuke. Things would have changed.”
“You haven’t changed a single bit.”
“I have.”
“What about the girl?”
“What girl?”
“I don’t know her name, but weren’t you seeing someone here? What happened to her?”
“I don’t know.”
**
The next day was a Sunday. I decided to take a walk to the old part of town. The Hohenzollern Bridge was still the same, imposing, linking the two sides of Cologne together.
I strolled along it, taking in the view of the riverbank, feeling the breeze on my face.
Right at the middle, we met. Even though it has been 7 years, I would still have recognised her.
Everything else was drowned out by the sound of the ICE crossing the bridge.
**
“What are you doing here?”
“I have been looking for someone.”
“Who?”
“Someone who has been trying to run away from me.”
“Seems like I can never run away from you.”
**
“How is Cologne since the last time I saw her?”
“Doing well. A lot has changed, yet a lot hasn’t. Why don’t you take a look for yourself?”
“Seems to be as you say.”
“How is Tokyo since the last time I saw him?”
“I don’t know. I was in Osaka for the past 7 years. Shortly after I reached Tokyo, I was posted to Osaka.”
**
“How far away are we from 1998?”
“We can never go back to that time.”
“But we can always start anew.”
**
Kae called me suddenly, telling me that she couldn’t make it for the movie. Rather than watch it alone, I decided to go home instead.
There was quite a crowd gathered at the junction leading into my street. Going closer, I saw an ambulance. Paramedics were lifting a young woman onto a stretcher. I ran forward.
It was Kae.
I got into the ambulance with them.
“Sir, you are not allowed in.”
“I am her husband!” I shouted in his face. He kept quiet and the driver shut the door. Soon, we were on our way to the hospital.
Kae was bleeding heavily. She was dashing across the road when a car turning out hit her.
She was in great pain, groaning. She was saying something, but it was too soft. I leaned closer to hear, holding her hand tightly.
“Flo-rian. Flo-rian.”
I never once let go of her hand till she entered the operating theatre.
It was too late; she lost too much blood.
I saw the last message she sent on her phone. To a Florian Michalak. “Florian, please don’t go. I really need you here with me.”
I went to Number 10. There, on the name signs outside was a Michalak. Just then, the door opened, and a young man with a suitcase stepped out. I knew then that I had seen him before.
At the concert. Leaving Kae’s house.
I understood then, everything.
**
Sophie and Kazuki got married and had a daughter, Johanna Niko. Johanna means ‘God is gracious’, while Niko means ‘second child’.
Is there ever a time where you hold back, because you think there would be another chance for you to do it? Have you ever asked yourself what you would do if you could do something over again?
We always think there is going to be a next time. But it isn’t always the case.
Some people will get that second chance.
I never got it.
Maybe in each of our lifetime, there is only one person whom we can say that we truly love.
Even if it is one-sided.
But still, it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
**
Kae, even if we were to turn back the clock, I would still have done the same.
I would still have loved you.
I finally found it in a drawer, underneath a stack of paper which was part of my Japanese learning process.
Dear Sophie,
How are you?
It sounds kind of funny, isn’t it, writing a letter to yourself. A letter you might never even read again.
Anyway, how have you been? Back in Germany?
Summer’s very humid here. Otherwise, things are fine here. I love the food, I love the people here. My Japanese has improved a lot. I am really enjoying myself here. Recently, I have been travelling around. Nara, Himeji, Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe. Fuji as well. I am planning to go Hokkaido in winter for skiing and the seafood. I heard that it’s really great there. Fuji as well. It should be magnificent in winter. Have been taking a lot of photographs. In case my memory fails me.
How is he? I don’t know. Do you? But I really haven’t seen him in Tokyo. Just as well.
Sometimes, some people come into our lives for no reason at all. Suddenly; without warning.
They may stay for a long time. And they may then leave just as suddenly. But when they leave,
they leave your life in a mess. Like a typhoon. Even if they are physically no longer there, they will stay on in your memory. Like permanent footprints on your heart.
Stay strong, Sophie. I know you are fighting hard. Keep going.
Regards,
Sophie
24 July 2000
P.S. Happy birthday to us, all the ones uncelebrated. You never had the habit of celebrating your birthday, so after he left, I bet you just let your birthday pass without anything meaningful happening. I am right, am I not? So, happy birthday to you, and happy birthday to me, on my first birthday without him.
**
“Oh it’s you. We are closed,” she said when she noticed me standing at the entrance as she got out.
“I have been waiting for you.”
“Oh? What about it?”
“You might not believe it, but I am living in your old room.”
**
I told him everything. How we met, how we got together, how we separated, how I went to Japan, not knowing if I was going there to find him, to understand him, or to forget him by losing myself there. I told him about Fabian as well, and how hard it was for me to forget everything.
He listened to everything without a word and at the end of it all, said, “To remember is a form of respect. Respect to the people who were once important to you.”
**
“Kazuki! Here!”
“Oh!” I walked up to my old friend and hugged him. “How are you?”
“Good! It’s great to see you again.”
“Seems like we will be working again. But this time in Germany.”
“Yeah. Come, let’s go to your hotel.”
We got a cab outside Cologne Central Station. Soon, we reached the Hyatt on the other side of the Rhine. After I was properly settled down, we went down to the hotel lounge for drinks. I was putting up at the hotel till my apartment was ready. That was the arrangement by my company.
“Snowball, please,” I placed my order.
“I heard you were in Cologne before.”
“I was. Doing my masters.”
“So you don’t really need a tour of this place. Knowing you, you probably would have taken photographs of every corner here.”
“It has been a while, Yosuke. Things would have changed.”
“You haven’t changed a single bit.”
“I have.”
“What about the girl?”
“What girl?”
“I don’t know her name, but weren’t you seeing someone here? What happened to her?”
“I don’t know.”
**
The next day was a Sunday. I decided to take a walk to the old part of town. The Hohenzollern Bridge was still the same, imposing, linking the two sides of Cologne together.
I strolled along it, taking in the view of the riverbank, feeling the breeze on my face.
Right at the middle, we met. Even though it has been 7 years, I would still have recognised her.
Everything else was drowned out by the sound of the ICE crossing the bridge.
**
“What are you doing here?”
“I have been looking for someone.”
“Who?”
“Someone who has been trying to run away from me.”
“Seems like I can never run away from you.”
**
“How is Cologne since the last time I saw her?”
“Doing well. A lot has changed, yet a lot hasn’t. Why don’t you take a look for yourself?”
“Seems to be as you say.”
“How is Tokyo since the last time I saw him?”
“I don’t know. I was in Osaka for the past 7 years. Shortly after I reached Tokyo, I was posted to Osaka.”
**
“How far away are we from 1998?”
“We can never go back to that time.”
“But we can always start anew.”
**
Kae called me suddenly, telling me that she couldn’t make it for the movie. Rather than watch it alone, I decided to go home instead.
There was quite a crowd gathered at the junction leading into my street. Going closer, I saw an ambulance. Paramedics were lifting a young woman onto a stretcher. I ran forward.
It was Kae.
I got into the ambulance with them.
“Sir, you are not allowed in.”
“I am her husband!” I shouted in his face. He kept quiet and the driver shut the door. Soon, we were on our way to the hospital.
Kae was bleeding heavily. She was dashing across the road when a car turning out hit her.
She was in great pain, groaning. She was saying something, but it was too soft. I leaned closer to hear, holding her hand tightly.
“Flo-rian. Flo-rian.”
I never once let go of her hand till she entered the operating theatre.
It was too late; she lost too much blood.
I saw the last message she sent on her phone. To a Florian Michalak. “Florian, please don’t go. I really need you here with me.”
I went to Number 10. There, on the name signs outside was a Michalak. Just then, the door opened, and a young man with a suitcase stepped out. I knew then that I had seen him before.
At the concert. Leaving Kae’s house.
I understood then, everything.
**
Sophie and Kazuki got married and had a daughter, Johanna Niko. Johanna means ‘God is gracious’, while Niko means ‘second child’.
Is there ever a time where you hold back, because you think there would be another chance for you to do it? Have you ever asked yourself what you would do if you could do something over again?
We always think there is going to be a next time. But it isn’t always the case.
Some people will get that second chance.
I never got it.
Maybe in each of our lifetime, there is only one person whom we can say that we truly love.
Even if it is one-sided.
But still, it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
**
Kae, even if we were to turn back the clock, I would still have done the same.
I would still have loved you.
2 Comments:
u are such a blardy, sentimental romantic. This kind of thing also can write. :)
He's sentimental yes...romantic yes....but always writing such sad stories. Wistful and full of "what-if's"...leaving the reader with a profound feeling akin to sorrow, and a distracted feeling of something lost and an unconscious urge to recover it...yet not knowing where to start..
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