That Song

The door opened before he even reached for the knob.

"Here he is at last, the one and only… GIOVANNI!"

"Don't fool around," he couldn't help, but allow the slightest of smile to show as he stretched out a hand to block the video camera I was wielding.

"Acting cool, as usual," I said, focusing my attention on the others in the room. "Back to the rest of us, who have been starving while waiting for the ungrateful Giovanni… our lovely hostess Maggie…"

"Do we need this sauce?" Magdalena held out a bottle, then turned and saw the camera. "Oh hi…"she waved, tucking the strand of loose hair behind her ear.

"There's Mikel playing the guitar…" Mikel smiled for my camera and proceeded to give his best soulful expression as he played that familiar tune. That song.

"And the ice princess Claire…"

Clarissa sat cross-legged on the couch, her right arm propping up her chin as her left hand typed on the keyboard of the laptop on the coffee table, a serious expression on her face.

Even after so long, that was one image which had never left my memory.

"And last but not least, me, Stefanie," I turned the video camera around at myself and grinned broadly.

Mikel stood up and took the camera from me, "Here is our world-famous-director-to-be, Stefanie!"

I laughed.

**

Then the screen went blank. I remembered it was because Mikel had accidentally pressed the 'Stop' button. We had laughed at it back then. Mikel, in my memory, was always the clown, the joker. He would lighten things up whenever things got serious.

**

"Mikel, how is the food?"

Mikel's mouth was full, but he made a thumbs-up sign as he grinned broadly. He quickly swallowed whatever was in his mouth and said, "Fantastic. Maggie should become a chef. A celebrity chef."

"Did you hear that Maggie?" I asked loudly.

"What?"

Mikel and I laughed. "She either needs to be more alert, or she needs a good manager."

"Don't be mean," my hand reached out to slap him on his wrist.

"Oh wait, careful," he just about managed to balance his overfilled plate. "Can you put that away?"

"Say please."

"Please."

**

At this moment, the image on the screen changed from that of a fumbling Mikel to the houses opposite Maggie's. This was when I placed the camera on the balcony ledge. But I didn't switch it off. It wasn't done intentionally, nor was it because I had forgotten. I just didn't.

**

"How have you been? We haven't talked in a while, have we?"

"You just have had no time for me. Always out with one of your many boyfriends."

"You know that's not true…besides, you were the one who rejected me first."

"Yeah, and now I am filled with regrets."

"As if. Anyway the one with no time for the other should be you. You are such a Casanova."

"You know that's not true."

"Don't mimic me."

He laughed. "I like it when you pout like that."

"But you don't like me."

"I like you."

"Not in the way I mean."

He laughed again.

"This necklace looks good on you. Complements you well."

"Thanks. I bought it myself though. Sad, isn't it?"

"I will get you something, ok?"

"Why don't you do something about the girl you like instead?"

He laughed. "It's so easy to talk to other girls. But when it comes to that one, you just don't know what to say…maybe because you know you have everything to lose."

"But if you don't try, you will never win."

"Even if you try, you might lose."

A pause.

"That's mean of you."

We both laughed.

"But you know, I have never regretted it. Even though I felt like disappearing from the world after that…but I didn't and I lived on. I feel that I have grown a lot from that."

"That's good. See? I was helping you to become stronger."

"You are so shameless, do you know that? Anyway, who is she?"

"Who?"

"Her. Tell me. Maybe I can help."

"I need another drink."

**

I liked Mikel, and I told him so. But he told me there was someone else that he liked. After hearing that, my world totally fell apart for the next few days. But I picked myself up. Much as I would have loved to erase that from my memory, to pretend as though it had never happened, I couldn't change that. But in a way, I was glad I did what I did. At least then I knew the answer. Anyway, Mikel and I remained close friends, in spite of what happened. The kind of friends who would go out together to have a drink at midnight, on impulse. I thought that even if we never find our respective other halves, being like this…wouldn't be that bad.

That was what I thought.

**

Claire was sitting on the sofa, the plate of food beside her barely touched. She was staring at the laptop screen, but her heart and mind weren't there.

I removed the plate and sat down beside her. She didn't notice anything at all but just stared blankly ahead. I tapped her on her shoulder, and she turned with a jolt.

"A penny for your thoughts."

"Nothing much. Just that it seems so surreal, isn't it? Maggie getting married. And to think back in school, I was always worrying about her, making sure everything was all right. She wasn't really the kind who could take care of herself, always lost in her own world, always making a mess out of whatever she does, other than cooking of course. And I used to secretly think, would there be a guy in this world who would be patient enough and willing to take care of this pure and innocent girl?"

She looked at me. "I worried too much, right? Maybe I should worry about myself first."

She suddenly noticed the camera and reached out a hand. "Don't film me."

"Ok ok…"

**

We had that gathering because Maggie was getting married. Since graduating from uni, we didn't meet up as frequently as we used to, so she wanted the five of us to get together for one last time before her wedding.

The five of us had always been together. From gymnasium all the way up to uni; even if we were in different faculties, we were still together. But as we moved on through the various stages of our lives, we slowly grew apart. The times we spent together became less frequent, and shorter.

Nothing can stand the test of time.

**

"So Maggie, what's for dessert?"

Maggie looked up and smiled in a dazed manner. "Crema catalana…this is the first time I am making it, so I hope it turns out ok…"

"Let me get a close-up of it…" the camera zoomed in on the desserts. "This is Maggie's crema catalana, I shall have the honour of being the first one to taste it…"

"How is it?"

I stuck out a 'good' sign in front of the lens. "Very very good…"

"I am glad to hear that…" Maggie's expression became dreamy. "You know, Stef, I am so happy that all five of us are here together. I don't know when the five of us would be together like this again…"

"At your wedding, Maggie," I interrupted.

She smiled that innocent smile of hers, "After that? Who knows right…Stef, will it end just like that?"

I lowered the camera. "It won't, Maggie. It won't."

**

How much had I actually believed that, when I said it back then? I was lying, wasn't I? I was lying because I wanted to reassure Maggie. Or was I only trying to reassure myself? It was always the case, wasn't it, using Maggie as the reason, as the excuse? Claire worrying for her, me wanting to protect her…deep down, we were the ones who were vulnerable, the ones who needed reassurance. In the end, we were just clinging on to Maggie, because her pure and innocent heart kept us afloat as we struggled, as we sank deeper into the harsh adult world.

After her wedding, the five of us never met like this again.

**

"Who do we have here, by the balcony, acting cool? Could it be the great Giovanni?"

"Cut it out, ok?" Giovanni turned away from my camera and stared far away into the night sky.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"It's about her, isn't it?"

He turned back and gazed beyond the camera. And then, he looked away again, down at the floor.

"You haven't told her?" at the same time, I placed the camera on the ledge.

"Aren't you going to?"

"Don't you think she should know? Even if it won't make a difference, I am sure it is only right that you tell her about it…and not suddenly disappear for 4, 5 years."

"Go."

**

The doorbell rang. I already knew who it was going to be. I pressed the 'Pause' button and went to the door, opening it.

As I expected, Giovanni was standing there.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," he replied. "Can I come in?"

I nodded and made way for him. He walked straight to the sofa. I followed behind. He sat himself down. "What's that you are watching?"

"Old videos of us."

"Uh huh."

I sat down beside him. "I thought you weren't coming. Claire said you weren't, that you couldn't get away from your job over in New York."

"How could I not be there? I have always been there, haven't I?" he stared straight at me.

I met his gaze. "But so what? You weren't there when she needed you most."

"I am always there."

I shrugged. "Can I watch on?"

He nodded, but looked away instead.

**

"Since Mikel has his guitar here, it would be a sin if we don't have him play for us, right?"

"Yeah!" Maggie answered enthusiastically.

"Can we have more enthusiastic support please?" I asked, shifting the focus to Giovanni, who was sitting on the sofa, arms folded, looking away. Beside him, with about half a meter gap between them sat Claire, whose eyes were shut tightly.

I zoomed in on Mikel again. "Come on Mikel, your best song."

Mikel made an 'OK' sign and started playing that song.

**

Giovanni was crying beside me. I had known him for more than 15 years. Never once had I seen him cry. Not even sob. But here he was, a grown man, crying. I couldn't bear to look at him. I took a few sheets of tissue and passed them wordlessly to him.

On the screen, Mikel continued to play and sing that song.

Claire's favourite song. The song her late grandfather used to sing to her when she was young. The song Mikel sang at his funeral.

And suddenly, I understood everything.

Giovanni was at the funeral. 2 years ago, a year after Maggie's wedding, Claire's grandfather had passed away. Giovanni had come back from New York to attend the funeral. But Claire never knew.

Claire never knew a lot of things about Giovanni. Because he never said a single thing from his heart. He never said the important things.

Giovanni was crying because he had realized that: the distance between them, the frowning faces…

"Gio…you were always there…but the person she needs isn't someone who stands in front or behind her…but someone who stands beside her."

I knew he knew that too. But tomorrow, he would probably be standing in the shadows again, as he always had done. Only I would know. But so what if I knew?

Tomorrow, Mikel would marry the girl who has always been in his heart.

Claire.