Friends

Was there ever a group of people whom you feel, if they were standing there with you, you would have nothing to fear, you would be able to step forward bravely to embrace the challenges that come your way?

As I stand here today, as I look back on the past, I realize what a great team we were.

‘Team’ was the term Janaz came up with. Coming from him, it was no surprise. But perhaps I should start from the beginning.

There were five of us: the smart Norj, the football-mad Janaz, the ‘mother’ Mirjam, the Flenien Annemarie and me, Franken.

How we met was very simple: we all lived in Siziling, and attended the same schools. Anna and I grew up together, because we were next-door neighbours. Norj, Janaz and I were classmates, while Anna and Mirjam were in the other class. At first, I would either hang out with the guys or with Anna. But Janaz had a crush on Mirjam and told me to do something about it. Basically, that meant getting Anna’s help. Anna was however, not close to her. Anna has always been the loner; perhaps it has something to do with her background. Anyway, I didn’t know how I did it, but I convinced Anna to invite Mirjam for an outing to the beach.

The best part about Siziling is that we have both the mountains and the sea. Even though we are in the Mereven part of Diennken, we actually get the best of both worlds. Of course, that doesn’t diminish our Mereven identity in any way.

So the beach outing was how it all started. I have forgotten how it went, but it must have gone well, or we wouldn’t have stuck together.

The days back then were carefree.

Then the exams came; it was time to start thinking about where we want to go from there.

Norj, as always, knew what he wanted- engineering at the Technological University. Mirjam wanted to be a teacher and Anna wanted to study journalism. Their choices would take both of them to Flenie, to the other university in the city. Janaz had by then secured a professional contract with the team of his life- Gottingen, ‘the sons of the Gods’, the football team of the Mereven side of Diennken.

As for me, I decided to take a year off. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted, so I thought I would make some money first, and maybe find something that I would want to do for the rest of my life.

That was what I thought.

And so, we graduated. At that time, I felt that even though we were going in different directions, even though we were going to be apart, as long as we were to have each other in our hearts, we would have the strength to overcome any obstacle.

We met up for dinner every Friday. And on weekends, we would follow Gottingen’s games- at the stadium for home games and at our favorite pub Ashes and Wine for away games. Janaz had actually made it to the senior team, but was mostly on the bench. Nevertheless, we were always excited when the camera zoomed in on the bench, or better still, if he were brought on. Number 22, that was his number.

The first year went like this. Even though work was tiring, I always looked forward to Friday and the weekend, because there was always so much to talk to each other about. It was basically just like our school days- only compressed to those 3 days of the week.

Those were good times.

They just didn’t last.
**
I step out of the cab and immediately see Franken amidst the crowd. I make my way towards him.

“Hi, it’s been a long time,” he says when he sees me.

It has indeed been a long time. Three years, to be exact.

“These three years…how have you been?” he asks.

“I got posted back last year. I asked for a transfer back and it was granted. I am sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Franken’s face is a mixture of shock and hurt.

I can perfectly understand. But I know he would perfectly understand my rationale for my action. We know each other too well; after all, we grew up together.

Growing up, I didn’t have many friends. Franken was my first and best friend. We moved to Siziling when I was four. My mother had left us. We used to live at Zagradin, which was by the river, but on the Mereven side. But after what had happened, my father wanted to get as far away as he could, and what better than to go over to the other side of the hills? At that time, I didn’t understand a lot of things. Like why my mother was never coming back. Like why we were moving. But I followed. We moved into a house right by the beach. My father had to work, so he often left me in the care of Franken’s family. The beach behind our homes was our playground.

We started school. And that was when I realized I was different from other kids- my mother is Flenien. People were always going to talk- where is Annemarie’s mother? She left her family just like that? You can’t trust a Flenien. Some of the other kids began to avoid me. I did wonder why and asked my father if I was different from them. He frowned and I told him everything, including the things I had been hearing. He listened quietly and went with me to school the next day, to talk to my teacher. After that, my teacher talked to the class about respect. The thing about your parent going to the school to complain is that it doesn’t really work, because the other kids will start thinking that you have no guts.

And so it was, that Franken remained my only real friend until I met Norj, Mirjam and Janaz. One day, Franken came to me for a favor- get to know Mirjam and ask her to join us for an outing to the beach. It wasn’t difficult, because Mirjam was probably the nicest girl in the whole school. She was kind, sympathetic, caring- all the nice attributes could have been used to describe her. I wasn’t surprised at all that she wanted to be a teacher. In my opinion, she would make a great teacher- better than any of the ones I have had.

So I went up to her at lunch and told her my friend Franken was interested in her but was too shy to talk to her, so I was helping him out. She blushed and was quite stumped, but finally agreed. It wasn’t a practical joke on my part; I did thought that Franken was interested- why else would he want to invite her? Even when Norj and Janaz showed up, I thought it was because he didn’t want to be stuck with two girls.

Later on, I would realize that I had gotten it all wrong. Towards the end of our school days, Janaz and Mirjam finally got together.

It was an unlikely pair. Janaz was hot-headed, while Mirjam was rational. Janaz was flamboyant, while Mirjam was down-to-earth. They were complete opposites.

I suppose opposites do attract, but the question is: how long will the attraction last?

After graduating, we went to pursue our dreams. That meant moving out of Siziling. I found an apartment in Nieszka with Mirjam.

Going back to Flenie, to my mother’s side of the city, I felt as though I suddenly knew her. The truth is that I don’t remember much about my mother, other than the few photos my father kept; I was simply too young back then. In Flenie, I felt like a part of me that had been lying dormant had suddenly come alive.

The days in the university flew by quickly. At first, we met up regularly. As time went by, however, due to various reasons, this would prove to be a routine that was difficult, if not unrealistic, to maintain.

Of the five of us, the one most disappointed by this development was Franken. Mirjam and Janaz had each other; I often had the whole apartment to myself. Norj has always been very focused- in a way, he was like the monks- meditating up in the hills. As for me, I have always been alone. Due to my childhood, I have never been dependent on anybody. You can even say I am detached.

But Franken has always been the type who needs someone there. During our university days, he suffered a lot. He was the one drifting, while we go on with our lives.

But he was there, as he had always been, when I needed someone most. I got posted to Tokyo, to be part of the news team in Asia. At about that time, Mirjam and Janaz had broken up. Things were going really badly for Mirjam, and it really seemed like the wrong time to go away, for many reasons. But I discussed it with Franken, and we decided that I shouldn’t pass up on the chance.

I also wanted to prove that it could work.

But it didn’t.

After a year in Tokyo, we broke up. We were together for 2 years.
**
I step out to take a breather, having been busy all morning with the preparations. As I light my cigarette, I see Franken and Anna talking.

Apart from breaking the news to them, I haven’t talked to them in ages. Not since breaking up with Anna.

I have always liked Anna, because she is the kind of girl who is independent. But I always felt that the feelings I had for her were fleeting, immature- part of growing up. That was why I never acted, because I ‘only move when I am absolutely sure’, as Janaz would have said.

It was only midway through my engineering degree that I became ‘absolutely sure.’ It was also about that time that the five of us as a group started drifting apart. By then, Janaz had made it to the first team of the Gottingen, and was become a hero in Mereven. We were all busy with our own stuff, so it was inevitable that we would meet up less and less.

Anyhow, I started asking Anna out and before long, we got together.

Then, we graduated. An opportunity came up for me to pursue my Masters in America. It was too good an opportunity to pass up, so I accepted it without discussing with Anna. It came too suddenly for her. She was shocked and hurt, that I had made my decision without even discussing with her. That is the way I have always functioned.
Looking back, I could understand why Anna was so hurt. It wasn’t easy for her to trust people, given all that she had gone through. And I had betrayed her trust.
We had a big fight, and didn’t see each other for a few days.

During those few days, I thought hard again. I felt that even if we get over this, the distance was too great a hurdle. I didn’t really believe that a long-distance relationship could work.

So, we broke up before I left. We went back to our previous selves, our previous lives- two people who didn’t really need other people.

While in America, I heard from other friends that Anna and Franken had gotten together. I was surprised that I was affected by it, as in, I wasn’t too happy to hear about that. I couldn’t really explain why. But looking back, I guess it was only natural that they get together, because they understand each other so well. In fact, while I was with Anna, I felt that even though I saw her often, even though I was with her more often than she was with Franken, Franken knew her better. Better than I ever would.

But at that time, I felt it was impossible, because they were best friends. To me, a guy and a girl are best friends only because at some point in time, there was interest on at least one side. And because things didn’t develop for some reason or another, they become best friends instead, and that stage is irreversible. Franken liking Anna was entirely plausible, even during school days. So that meant that Anna must have not reciprocated, and that was why they became best friends.

Knowing Anna, she is someone who doesn’t change her mind easily.

I was that affected by that development to spend a few days thinking through it. But finally, I got my act together, resumed my studies and came back with my Master’s.
Coming back, however, I didn’t contact Anna or Franken. By then, Janaz had moved to England following his big-money transfer. While I was away in America, a lot more had happened than Anna and Franken getting together.

Janaz had become a real star, and was living the life he had always dreamt of: football, fame, wealth, fast cars, women. He had gained a notorious reputation on Diennken’s party circuit. I met up with Mirjam when I returned. She told me she didn’t know him anymore.

She broke down. As I tried awkwardly to comfort her, I was cursing Janaz for breaking her heart.

“Team, we are a team!” Janaz had said with a goofy grin as he went to each of us seated gloomily around the table. “Come on, heads up!”

We had graduated from high school, about to embark on the new chapters of our lives.

Team, Janaz, what happened to your team?
**
It is about to begin. I stand to one side, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. From my position, I see Anna and Franken. I scan the crowd for Norj, but to no avail. Perhaps he is taking a breather. From what I know, he has been helping out.

Norj has always been like that. He doesn’t say a lot, but what he says always makes sense. He is the most dependable person I know; totally the opposite of Janaz.

When Janaz and I first got together, I knew that the others were uncertain. I knew the reasons for their uncertainty- we were fundamentally different people. But I was really happy with him. The days with him, at least the happier ones in the beginning, were always fun and exciting. With Janaz, you never know what is going to happen next. Sometimes, I do find it hard to keep up with his pace, because he is always so energetic.

We were together for four years. From the time he was just starting out in the reserves to becoming the star player on the team. From the time I would be straining to catch him on the bench, cheering madly when he was told to warm up to the time when he would point at me, dedicating another goal to me. From the time we planned our future together to the time I was no longer in his future.

Happy times, sad times, we went through everything.

Towards the end, we broke up and patched up a few times. But at the end, we both decided that enough was enough.

Actually, he decided that. But I accepted it, because there was nothing more I could have done.

Then, he moved to England. I followed his career through the newspapers- despite all that he had done off the field, on the field, he was a god to the Mereven side of Diennken. And he was establishing himself as a hero in England too.

Things were going very well for him. I was happy for him. At that time, Norj was in America, while Anna and Franken were happy together. In contrast, all that had happened had taken a toll on my teacher’s training, and I was forced to take a year off. My life was a wreck. It seemed as though I was the loser among the five of us.

Then, things started to go wrong for Janaz. He was hit by recurrent injuries and never found his form again. Frustration set in, and the tabloids went into overdrive. Just as the media could elevate you to godhood, they too could banish you to the depths of hell. I read as the media, English and Diennken alike, tore him to shreds with the stories of his alcohol problems, his notorious nightlife, his fitness problems, his fallout with his club, his numbered days in England. He switched clubs a few times, but things didn’t change for the better. In two years, he went from hero to zero.

I thought a lot about contacting him, because I still love him a lot. I had finally got my life back on track, and I wanted to be there for him. But I was afraid, because I know what sort of person he is, how proud he is. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how to.

Then, he moved back to Diennken. By then, no club wanted him. Not even his old club would take him out of pity and old time’s sake. I was really worried for him.

Then, I received a call from Norj. Norj told me that Janaz had gotten in touch with him, and that he would help Janaz as much as he could. Hearing that, I was relieved. Norj would be of more help to Janaz than me.

So, Norj would update me on Janaz’s situation. Janaz was working as a salesman selling sport equipment. In his spare time, he was helping out with coaching kids. He would eventually try to get a coaching license so that he could get back to football. Hearing Norj’s updates, I would be heartened. Although it was such a stark contrast to his previous lifestyle, I was sure that with Norj’s help, he would be able to get back on his feet quickly enough.

Norj told me, however, that Janaz had told him to keep things a secret from me. So I wasn’t supposed to know. That was why Norj never told me exactly where Janaz was working or coaching.

Give him some time…when he is ready to meet you, I will arrange it, Norj had promised me.
**
“This is a letter that Janaz left behind.

To my dear friends, Norj, Anna, Franken... and Mirjam.

Franken, I hear from Norj that you and Anna are together. So, you finally made your move, didn’t you? I always knew that you like her. Give her happiness, ok? She’s a great girl, even though she’s Flenien. But the nationality isn’t important! If you are good, you are good and you play. Anyway, Franken, it’s ok to have confidence in yourself. You need to be more confident, more decisive. Aggression! Seize the opportunity! If you have to go alone, you go alone! And you have to think more for yourself! That's what I have always wanted to tell you. It’s good to finally say it now, before I forget.

Anna, thank you for getting Mirjam out that day. Even though it was so long ago, I could still remember it vividly. We went to the beach, swam in the cool blue sea, then lay in the sun, talking about what we want to do when we graduate from high school. After that, we went for ice cream and dinner at that grill restaurant. It cost a bomb for us poor high school students back then. But the food was great, wasn’t it? The food was great, the company was great… I am sorry. I know you can’t forgive people for leaving just like that. You don’t have to forgive me.

Norj, thank you for being there for me. You have always been the reliable Norj I know. When I came back, I knew I could turn to you. Thank you for everything. It’s all my fault, really. All the jobs you found for me…the problem was me. I was still the old me that came to you a year ago…that wreck. Anyway, thank you for keeping it from Mirjam. I must have disappointed you a lot. I gave up on myself even though you never gave up on me. But I thought about it as carefully as you would have: there is no way I could have carried on.

Mirjam…Mum…seems like I really blew it, didn’t I? I had everything, but I threw it all away. I paid the price for it. I am sorry I got Norj to lie to you… but I just couldn’t face you like this, not in this state. There are a lot of things I want to say to you. Like how I am so happy to see you teach at our old school, handling those little kids. You looked really happy. You finally realized that dream, didn’t you? I am glad I didn’t ruin it… You know, after all these years, you are the only one I have ever loved. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We are a team; we always will be.

Your Janaz.”
**
“Mirjam. Listen, Mirjam. The police called. Janaz…he drove his car off the highway leading to the stadium. He didn’t survive.”