death knell for the optimist

there's a song by silbermond called zeit fuer optimisten.

anyway that's not the point.

but i guess i am an optimist at heart. how else could you explain how i allow myself to be cheated over and over again?

and it isn't really very good...because you know the word "disappointment"? you will just feel it again and again. over and over. and it isn't a very good feeling, trust me.

maybe i have become numbed too, based on today's reaction. somewhat muted. or maybe it's because of jay chou's feng, which certainly did helped to calm things down a little. and i must admit, the lyrics were very good. seriously good.

so i guess i should say goodbye to the optimist. bury him for good. has only caused me grief.

I'm not your God
I'm not your hero
I'm not your Messiah
Don't break my heart
-chihiro onitsuka's not your god

god and dog. do you realise you only need to reverse the order?

and please keep your own house in order before trying to push everything to us.
and sometimes, i even wonder if looking for someone to blame is really necessary.

focusing on the wrong thing again.

wait. regarding what i mentioned at the beginning, i think you can burn it all.

no way. muri. impossible. nie.

because it would have meant i have lost.