Tuesday, July 24, 2007

no killer pass

i think what is good about these two years is that i get alot of chance for reflections. and that's good because i think i know myself better.

maybe people might think my declarations, which stem from my reflections, are somewhat egoistic and arrogant. which probably isn't that wrong anyway, considering that's leo, and i think i have all the negative traits of one. but the reason why i make such statements is usually more because i need to get them out. it is my way of confronting things. and 80% of the time, i prefer confrontations to solve problems. of course the other 20% of the time, i run away, usually because i find absolutely no point in trying to talk.

what i have discovered about myself is this: i am mostly marc overmars. i like to push the ball forward, i like to get forward. in fact, i am always ready to attack. a coiled ball of energy waiting for that killer pass. the total time taken for the goal is a mere few passes and a few seconds. that is how fast i can move. and how fast i want things to be done.

unfortunately, some things are holding me up right now. i could easily have settled everything within this week. but they can't give me an answer. simply because they are just being themselves. inefficient, clueless, hesitant, negative.

i am also like overmars in that i am a journeyman. actually most dutch are. look at all the great players of the past, and i think among the top european nations, the most well-travelled are the dutch. the english nowadays don't leave britain; the spanish only started leaving iberia recently; the italians like it in italy. only the dutch could be found everywhere. though the french have caught up.

i know i need to move on to learn even more. i also want to move, because i know there is little else here left for me. it's like i have exhausted most possibilities here. and i dun like the idea that if i stay, the two years gap would be so obvious. i would rather start from zero elsewhere, than from negative here.

and staying here would mean following other people's paths. going through things others have gone through two years ago. i dun like to follow in people's footsteps. because then i would be behind, catching up. that's why i hate the system, because we are put two steps behind right from the start. even though right up till two years ago, we were equal. it's like a sudden point deduction for no reason.

that's why it's time to move. both in september and in january.

i hope another trip to japan can be to me what it had been for arsene wenger.

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