Remember

I watched him enter the gallery, tentative at first, as though he wasn't sure if he should be here. He stood there and looked around, turning with his body, but never leaving the spot he was standing on, and I saw the pain and anger creeping into his eyes. It was a look I haven't seen in a while. He's always had a temper, which he managed to control. More or less.

A furious him is a scary sight.

He shut his eyes, as though he was trying to block out the pain.

Was it the memories that came flooding back, or was it because he saw that he was being shut out? Shut out of her life, deliberately being erased from her life.

He turned towards the exit, to leave, as though he realized there was no place for him here; that he should leave.

But he stopped. Something had caught his eye. He strode towards it. He stopped in front of it and looked at it intently. He bit his lips.

She appeared beside him. They spoke. She was looking at the exhibit, while he was looking away. She had this dreamy look, and a slight smile as she talked. But all this while, he looked away. Pain flashed across her eyes and she turned to him, burying her face in his shoulder. When he finally turned to face her, I saw his eyes were red.

He gently pushed her away and turned to leave. She reached out an arm, grabbing his. He removed hers and left.

She stood alone, staring after his departing figure for a while. She shook her head, shut her eyes and bit her lips.

I walked to her.

"Are you all right?" I asked, putting my arms on her shoulders and pulling her to me.

She pushed against me, freeing herself from my embrace. Her eyes were still shut as she nodded.

"Yes…it's just…"

And I saw the tears on her face.

"He came back, didn't he?"

She opened her eyes, which pleaded with me to stop.

"You don't really love me, right?"

"I tried," she finally said.

A tear dropped from my eye on to her face.

She pushed me away. "I am sorry, I need to clear my head."

After she was gone, I turned to look at the exhibit.

It was that only untitled photograph in her exhibition "Signs of Love". I asked her back then, "What does this photograph have to do with love?"

She said back then, with the slightest of smile, "Can't you feel the love?"

It was a photograph of a flood-lit football field, taken from afar.

I looked closer, and saw two figures sitting in the middle.

And I finally understood why she had insisted on including this photograph.

It was a part of her memories which I wasn't a part of. I wasn't in her life back then. I thought I knew everything about them.

"Hi."

"Congratulations. Seems like it is quite a success."

"How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"I am doing well. And you? Are you happy?"

"Do you remember this field? Can't believe we were only 18 back then. We are old now, aren't we? Do you remember that time when you threw bottles after bottles against the wall because you were so angry that your teammates were drinking happily when your team had lost?

Or that time when you were sitting on the bench, it was raining, and you asked: why are we always talking about goals, where we want to be 5 years, 10 years down the road? I am sick of all this talk.

And then you poured the water over your head.

Or that time you were sitting on the pitch after the Cup defeat. You were just sitting there, tears on your face. I had never seen you cry. I went to you, grabbed you by your arms and tried to pull you up. I was shouting, 'Get up, get up, get up!' I was crying as I was shouting that. I had never seen you like that.

After my parents passed away, I was standing there, crying in the rain. You came with the others and you grabbed me by the shoulders and said, 'This is your team from now on, do you understand?'

'You always say: Believe, believe. Tell me, what do you believe in then?' you asked me once.

Do you remember? Have you forgotten?

Why did you come back?"

"I have to go."

"I believed in you."

the hypocrisy of english football

before arsenal games, you hear opponent players saying: arsenal are sissies, we are just going to kick them out of the game.

my first question is: why does the FA not do anything about such comments? isn't it against the name of fair play, to come out straight and tell you they are going to kick you?

kicking someone is not legal. not on the pitch, not on the streets. you don't need a pretty jura girlfriend to tell you that.

the second question is: why do the neutrals not say a thing when they see it happen? why do they not say, that's not right. instead, they say: serve you right.

and then a 50-50 happens, and the opponent player is injured. we were trying to kill him, apparently.

the double standard amuses me, because people don't know anything. do you honestly thing we are interested in kicking legs when all we want to do is to kick balls?

i think it is an insult, because firstly, Arsenal Football Club is interested only in playing football. we are different from teams like bolton, stoke etc that announce proudly they are going to kick some legs.

i can't believe how they can say it so unashamedly to the whole world.

who are the thugs, i ask you.

and let's talk about diving. let's don't pretend rooney, lampard, gerrard don't dive. go watch their games and tell me.

cut the shit that rooney, lampard, gerrard, terry, joe cole, ashley cole, rio ferdinand are perfect gentlemen, examples our kids should follow.

england has never won a world cup since 1966 because they are so narrow-minded and believe themselves to be the best.

that is why they can't accept that arsenal is achieving everything without any key players who are english. and achieving it in style.

arsenal 4 bolton 2

it was not a foul. it was a 50-50 ball. the unintended consequence was that davies got hurt.

well, sorry about that. but the referee did not blow the whistle, and we were playing to the whistle.

if this had happened to us, people will be saying: well, the referee did not blow the whistle, arsenal should be playing to the whistle.

the reason it is controversial is because davies SEEMS badly injured (more on that later), and also because we scored the equaliser.

i wonder how many pundits will be out of job after this season. so much for arsenal finishing out of the top4. they should worry about their darling liverpoo.

we just gave everyone another reason to hate us. why can't we just follow the script and get ourselves relegated is everyone's question.

no one likes to see an opponent get injured.

ok i lied. when the referee allowed play to go on, and the commentators were talking about davies still on the ground, i screamed for us to push up... and probably called davies a diver. to put it politely. i forgot what i actually said.

and after we scored, i said: take that you sucker. whether it was sucker or another similar sounding word, i am not sure. and maybe there were two other words before that. as he was being stretchered off, i knew what i said wasnt along the lines of "get well soon".

this is the only writer who managed to keep things in perspective:
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/jeremywilson/100004932/mark-davies-paid-the-price-for-breakdown-in-trust-between-footballers/

and the good news for bolton is that davies wasn't that badly injured after all. just a bruise or something. and he was screaming like a wussy. so much for the tough men of bolton.

you know, i wouldn't have been sorry if we had broken the leg of any bolton player yesterday. that would have taught them a lesson not to mess with us.

owen coyle claimed it was an assault by gallas. well, what do you say about taylor going for fabregas' neck, mr coyle?

yesterday was a game in which emotions really ran high. it was a terrific comeback from us. honestly got all worked up, urging our players on, and hurling abuse at bolton and the referee. completing the comeback and doing the minimum to go top was satisfying. but give me a 5-0 win any day. the adrenaline is just different.

and just for laughs:
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story?id=728895&sec=england&root=england&cc=5739

i always enjoy reading harry harris.

"Arsenal continue to mesmerise both their own fans and neutrals alike with their superior brand of pass and move football, but the Gunners really don't have the strength in depth to maintain that lofty position,"

strength in depth. we have van persie, djourou out for the season. fabregas, clichy, rosicky, eduardo, denilson, walcott just came back. gibbs, ramsey, nasri, wilshere, bendtner out. song and eboue in africa.

and we are top of the table, yes having played a game extra, but after being 11 points behind. we have done this with our injury situation.

if this is not strength in depth, i don't know what is.

on another note, nowadays we hear news of the dire financial situation of epl clubs. even mighty man united. heard that the owners wanted to ask if the players could give back some of their wages.

thank god we have arsene wenger.

football needs to wake up. the bubble has burst.

when we consider how things will develop, we will be able to appreciate the fact that thanks to wenger, we are many steps ahead of the other teams.

i think i finally know why people dislike us so much. they are jealous. they are jealous because we stick to our beliefs, we stick to our ideals, we remain true to ourselves.

whereas they have sold their souls a long time ago. if they had any in the first place.

and the other reason, i am sure i have said it before. because we don't have messrs "i will never dive" rooney, gerrard and lampard, nor mr "perfect gentleman" john terry.

fucking hypocrites.

the last thing we need now is for a takeover by stan kroenke. regardless of how beneficial it can turn out to be, i hope that arsenal will be left alone until the end of the season.

new players,new managers can galvanise a team midway through a season. but a change in management, unless your team is bankrupt, is more detrimental to beneficial, because it will send ripples of uncertainty throughout the club. bankrupt we certainly are not; our financial position is probably the best in england, thanks to a certain arsene wenger.

i believe we can truly win at least the league this season. the most crucial ingredient to success is stability on the pitch and off the pitch. in my opinion, if stan kroenke is someone who understands sports, as his supporters have made him out to be, he should leave arsenal alone until the end of the season.

my own hope is that he doesnt come in at all. the story with him and usmanov is really a story of the lesser of two evils. would they improve the team? would having 100 million to spend on one player improve the team?

it wouldn't, because the foundations of the team is there. we need a specific kind of player, which may not be available even if you have all the money in this world.

i am hoping for the board to make a stand. that arsenal is more than just an avenue of revenue.

the last thing we want is for arsenal to be taken over by businessmen. look at liverpool, man u, chelsea and man city. we at arsenal have the honour of saying we are different from those clubs. i hope the board does not forget that.

i must admit that prior to the opening game at everton, i was nervous because things hadn't looked good, and everton wasnt exactly the place you wanted to begin your campaign.

as the season unfolds, i am confident that we will win something this season.

my belief stems from the fact that players have proven me wrong and have started to repay the faith arsene wenger has in them.

where the team in 2007/2008 was naive, you get this feeling that this team has a mental toughness that was missing in recent seasons.

everyone thought we were out of the race after the chelsea game. but we can go top on wednesday if we beat bolton by at least two goals. i cannot think of any simpler way to motivate the players:

guys, let's go top of the table.

of course the only standings that counts is the one after match 38. but this would be a big psychological boost, and put the pressure on chelsea and man u as well.

arsene wenger was being polite when he said 5,6 teams are in the title race. only 3 are.