“Hey Kazumi!” Takahara excitedly waved a piece of paper in her face.
“What is it?” Kazumi asked. They were having drinks at a pub. It was one of those rare days that Kazumi didn’t have to help out at the restaurant.
She took hold of the paper and read it. “ Jyu Audition. Vocalist needed. 4th February Orange Café From 10 a.m.”
She handed the paper back to him and looked away.
“You aren’t interested?”
“I have no time anyway.”
“You will have time! It will be on the whole day…”
“So what if I get in? I wouldn’t be able to practise with them anyway.”
“We will think about that when the time comes. But really, it’s too good an opportunity. It’s Jyu, Kazumi, Jyu! You heard them before too. Although they haven’t been active for a while…”
“Nah. Why do they need a vocalist anyway? What happened to Yuri?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s none of my business anyway.”
He looked at her helplessly. “It’s your chance, Kazumi. It’s your choice.”
Kazumi looked away.
---
He liked the design of the place. The transparent façade, being able to look outside, at the surroundings. The bookshelves inside might have made the place resemble a maze, reducing the space. But being able to look outside sort of expanded that space. It was always space that he cherished. Especially space that wasn’t that obvious. That was his footballing philosophy. Creating, destroying space. That was how he had played.
“Your technique is superb. But what makes you out of this world, is your spatial awareness. You think far ahead,” Nishizawa had told him. “I can’t stand your arrogance sometimes, but you are the man I need to win.”
He wondered why he had never been to the Sendai Mediatheque, although it was in Sendai. It could have been his favourite haunt. The kind of place he was looking for, one that reflected his mindset.
“Sorry, but can I look at that book you are holding?” a voice asked from behind him.
He turned around.
“Fujita?” the girl asked.
“Yokoi Miyu?”
Miyu stuck out a hand. “Of all places? What are you doing here anyway? Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, it has been a while.”
Miyu was his classmate back in high school. The prettiest girl in the class. But then again, Fujita’s life had only revolved around football. She got attached to Ito Ryuichi, the sprinter in the class. But it had been none of his business. After all, he was only interested in his football. She was also too artistic. He wasn’t that kind of person.
“Why are you looking at the art books anyway?” she asked while taking over the book he was holding. “You don’t seem to be the kind of person.”
“I thought I could start learning about it,” he said, a slight grin on his face.
She smiled. “Can you believe that we are actually talking to each other? I mean, back in high school, we don’t even seem to acknowledge each other’s presence, even though we were in the same class.”
“Anything can happen in life, Yokoi.”
“Are you still playing football?”
There was a moment of tension. He shook his head slowly. “Not really.”
“Oh…” she nodded slowly.
“Let’s go for a coffee or something.”
“There’s a café around the corner.”
“You come here often?”
“Not really. I live in Tokyo now.”
“Oh. Which reminds me, what are you doing anyway?”
“Studying art. At Geidai.”
Fujita nodded.
“I am back for vacation. Homecoming,” she smiled with a tinge of wistfulness.
They settled down at the café.
“Are you still with Ryuichi?” Fujita asked, after the waitress had brought them their coffees.
She paused momentarily. “No.”
Awkwardness reigned.
“He’s dead for a year now,” she said quietly.
Fujita did not say a word.
“What do you intend to do with your life?” he asked after a while.
“Do art, I guess. You?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
He sent her home after that.
---
“Kazumi, shut the door and we are done,” her father called out.
“I know,” she brushed her hand through her hair. The day was finally over. She let out a breath of relief.
Her eyes met the calendar hanging on the wall. 5th February. Today. She looked at the clock. 11. She took off the apron and ran up to her room.
“Father, I am going out for a while!” she called out as she ran down again, with her guitar.
“What…”
She got on to her bicycle and pedaled furiously. Orange Café wasn’t that far away. If she were fast, she could probably reach there in fifteen minutes.
She reached there in 25 minutes instead. Even though it had been close to 3 months since the last time Jyu performed, she could still spot the members. They were outside the place. They were leaving, walking away from her.
“Hey!”
They turned around. She jumped off her bike. She was panting, trying to catch her breath. “I am Kazumi Takeda. I am here for the audition.”
“But we are done.”
“Give me a chance. I could only come out now.” Your chance, Kazumi.
They looked at each other. There were three of them. Kunio the drummer, Taki the bassist and Shinichi the guitarist.
“Show us how good you are then,” Kunio finally said.
Kazumi broke into a smile. She took out her guitar and started performing. Glamorous Sky.
They did not say anything for a while. Kazumi’s heart raced.
“You are the one,” Kunio said.
Kazumi looked at them in disbelief. They smiled.
“Kunio.”
“Taki.”
“Shinichi.”
“Kazumi.”
“Jyu is back!” Kunio shouted. They all laughed.
Amid all the laughter, Kazumi forgot everything else.
We will think about that when the time comes.---Kazumi started to join the rest of the Jyu members for practice. She could only make it after the shop close. Nevertheless they always waited for her. Jyu was a highly-rated band in Sendai. They would hold gigs at various places around town. Half a year ago, they made their last appearance. They disappeared without a word. Now, they were back again. Kazumi learned that it was because their vocalist Yuri was emigrating to Canada. But the rest of the members wanted to get Jyu started again, hence the search for a new vocalist.
“There’s a competition coming up. In Tokyo. On the first of April. We are going for it.” Kunio announced.
“Tokyo?” Kazumi was stunned.
“Yes, Tokyo. It’s already March. We don’t have a lot of time. We need to choose a song and practise.”
“We are going to win. Then people in the whole of Japan will take note of us. Maybe we will become even bigger than X-Japan.”
“You are thinking too far!”
Kazumi was suddenly worried. She wasn’t sure if she could leave. Looking at their enthusiasm and hopes, she couldn’t bear to voice out her fears and shatter it all.
---
The ball rolled to him. He was hesitant. But he finally moved away from the ball. The little boy glared at him and ran after the ball.
“I am sorry,” he said softly.
“Fujita.”
He turned to his left. A balding man in a tracksuit came over. “Coach.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Look around a bit. What about you?”
“I come to this park to give these kids tips now and then. They always come here to play.” Nishizawa looked at the kids. The little boy had rejoined his friends. “Move in, Hattori, kill the space!”
Fujita laughed. “Surely they are too young to understand tactics, Coach.”
“Have to start young,” Nishizawa shrugged. He scrutinized Fujita. “You are not the same Fujita.”
“Why?”
“Your tone is different. I couldn’t have imagined you speaking to me in this tone. There’s this tinge of respect.”
“I have always respected you, Coach, though I may not show it. You taught me football.”
Nishizawa shook his head. “No. I merely reminded you of your abilities.”
Fujita turned away. “I haven’t touched the ball in a while.”
“I am disappointed.”
Fujita sucked in the crisp air. “Life is full of disappointments, Coach. It isn’t perfect.”
Nishizawa said, “You can’t run away from it, Fujita.”
Fujita turned back.
“Be the man they say you were going to be.” Nishizawa turned around. “Tell me when you want to play again. I can arrange something for you.”
Fujita watched Nishizawa work with the kids for another fifteen minutes before leaving.
---
He went to the Takeda Restaurant. It was late afternoon, so it was empty.
“What are you thinking about?” Kazumi asked.
“Huh?” Fujita was brought back to earth. “Nothing much.”
But he was still looking dazedly. Like he was somewhere far away. Kazumi waved a hand in front of him. “Tell me about it.”
He shrugged. ““Sometimes, I guess we are burdened by the expectations of others. Such things cloud us. Sometimes I ask myself, do I want something because I want it, or because others expect it of me? It’s hard to distinguish between whether you want it for yourself or because others want it of you. That’s why we feel so lost.”
“Do you need a map then?”
He looked at her for a moment. Then he allowed a smile to show.
“I must go buy the lottery or something.”
“Why?”
“You are actually smiling.”
He made light of her statement with his shrug.
He closed his eyes. Deep in thought. Kazumi was bewildered, at the same time a little worried. His eyes snapped open. He reached to his side, opened his duffel bag and took out something. It was a ball. He placed some money on the table. “For the tea.”
He ran out of the restaurant, dropped the ball onto his feet and started running with it, juggling. Everything. Kazumi watched from the door. His touches were a little off, but it was still Fujita Toshiaki. She couldn’t help but smile. Fujita was back.
Fujita was smiling. It was really the kind of smile brimming with joy. Kazumi closed her eyes, registering the image, carving it into her heart. It was unforgettable.
Fujita paused to catch his breath. Kazumi went to join him. “Why do you suddenly start to kick the ball around?”
He smiled. “I realized I had been lying to myself all this while. Not wanting to play football again. Even while I was saying that, my mind was on football, on playing again. I was confused. I didn’t know if I wanted to play again. Then people started telling me to play again. My grandfather. Coach. And I wanted to run away from it again. I was thinking: am I going to play for them or for myself? What is it that I want? If I play, is it because I want it, or because others want it of me?”
He was speaking very rapidly. Kazumi was listening intently.
“I decided I want to play. It took two years. But I am ok now. Maybe I am scared a little. But I want to play. For myself. For everyone else.”
He smiled again. “I can’t run away from it. After all, it had been such a big part of my life.”
She smiled and stuck out a hand. “Congratulations.”
He shook it.
With that handshake, suddenly, Kazumi knew too, what she wanted.
Thank you, Toshiaki. I thought I could help you. But you helped me instead.---“Coach.”
“Yes, Fujita?”
“I want to play again.”
Nishizawa smiled. “That’s what I have been waiting to hear.”
A week later, Fujita left for Tokyo with Takahara. Nishizawa had arranged for him to join the Waseda University team. Of course he would need to enroll in the school as well. He was going to do Sports Science. But he was going to play football again.
---
“Thud, thud.”
Kei looked up to see Shiozawa’s smiling face through the glass panel.
He held up a piece of paper with a message scrawled on it.
“I’ll wait for you at the park around the corner when you knock off,” Kei read from it. She looked questioningly at him.
He winked, raised his hand and walked off, leaving a bewildered Kei on the other side of the glass.
“I didn’t know you have a boyfriend. Such a good-looking one too,” her colleague, who was new, came over and nudged her.
“Huh…no…he is just a friend…”Kei hurriedly denied.
Her colleague just grinned. “Introduce him to me then,” she dared her.
---
“What’s the meaning of this?” she asked, the first thing she saw him sitting on the bench.
“Here’s chocolates for you!” he held out a box to her.
“Why are you giving me chocolates?”
“I guess you won’t be getting any today. So, it’s to cheer you up on White Day.”
“Idiot!” she playfully hit him with her handbag. They laughed.
They sat, side by side on the bench.
“Wonderful, isn’t it? Being alive, breathing this air, sitting here,” she remarked.
He grinned in agreement. “Yeah. Wonderful. You always look on the bright side, don’t you?”
“Sometimes, I don’t even look at all.” She smiled and closed her eyes dreamily.
“No wonder they say ignorance is bliss.”
She grinned, then put on a serious face, tilted her head and shrugged. It was a mimicry of him and he knew it. They laughed again.
“Hey, Terakawa Kei.”
“Uh huh.”
“How did we meet?”
“It was just last year, wasn’t it? I was cycling to work. Then you suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Luckily I am a good rider, or I would have crashed into you. It’s your fault! You came out of nowhere, without warning.” She slapped his wrist.
“You were the one not paying attention,” he retorted.
An elderly lady walked past them and smiled. They were embarrassed.
“It’s your fault!” They both said at the same time. They stared at each other for a while, then broke out laughing.
“But I got so afraid when you turned up at the bakery. I thought you had tracked me down and was coming to get revenge or something.”
He laughed, “I was just buying bread for breakfast the next day.”
“I was new! How was I to know that you are a regular?”
“But it was still funny, you were so scared!”
“Hey!” she slapped his arm again.
He chuckled, “You got so tensed up whenever I went to the bakery. Then one day, I just decided to talk to you and lay your fears to rest.”
She smiled.
“Hey, let’s go watch the cherry blossom together,” he suddenly said.
She looked at him. He raised an eyebrow and nodded. She nodded in agreement.
---
“I am going to Tokyo,” Kazumi announced.
“What?” her father was shocked.
“Leaving tomorrow. Will tell you when I am coming back,” she continued nonchalantly.
“What? What did you say?” her father asked, still shocked.
“Leaving for Tokyo. Tomorrow.” She ran up to her room before her father could say anything else.
Lying on her bed, she tried to shut out her father’s shouts and knocks. The door didn’t collapse, as she had feared. She slipped in and out of slumber, so much so that she didn’t know if she were dreaming or her father was still shouting like a madman outside.
---
“Fujita!” Takahara called out.
Fujita turned, saw them and came over.
Takahara laughed and slapped him on the back. “How have you been? It’s been a while, isn’t it?”
“It has only been a week…”
“Of course, of course. I was exaggerating. How’s football?”
“Getting used to it again. Will get busier when term starts.”
“That’s true.”
“I’ll go get a drink. You want anything more?”
“Later.”
---
Whenever she start to think of the past, it would get unbearable. She could not free herself from the shackles of the past. For a while, she attended counseling and got better. But she was still haunted by it. You could never free yourself from memories. It wasn’t as if they were chalk markings on the board that could simply be wiped away. Nor were they words carved on the beach, easily washed away by the tide. If only it were as simple as that. On occasions like these, she would try to drown her pain in alcohol.
“Yokoi.”
She turned groggily around. She squinted to see who it was. Fujita.
“Heh…Fujita. When did you come to Tokyo?”
“A week ago. You alone?”
She nodded and rubbed her eyes.
“You remember Takahara? We are sitting over there. Come and join us.”
She followed him.
“Miyu! What a surprise!” Takahara was very happy to see her again.
“Is this some sort of gathering?” she asked with a smile.
“I think I drank too much. Argh.” She slapped her forehead. “So what are you doing in Tokyo?”
“Me?” Takahara pointed to himself. “I am studying here. At Sophia University.”
“Waseda. Football. I mean, Sports Science.”
Miyu laughed. “I thought you don’t really play football nowadays? Wasn’t that what you told me the other day?”
“You guys met before this?” Takahara interjected.
“Yeah, at the Mediatheque,” Miyu said.
“I changed my mind.”
“I am doing art at Geidai.”
“Yeah, you said before.”
“Oh yeah. Forgot.”
Miyu left first, complaining of a headache. She rejected Takahara’s offer to send her home.
“Why didn’t you tell me you met her in Sendai?”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Is she still with Ryuichi?”
“He’s dead.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“You are kidding me right?”
“Ask her yourself.”
“I better not.”
“Why are you asking me so many questions anyway?”
“Why can’t I?”
Fujita shrugged. “We are splitting off from here. Talk to you again.”
Takahara watched Fujita’s departing figure. “Because I still like her, stupid! I have liked her from high school. But I am not like you, so confident of yourself. Anyway, there was Ryuichi too. I wouldn’t have stood a chance.”
---
“So, this is Tokyo.”
“You have never been to Tokyo before?”
Kazumi shook her head.
“Not even to Disneyland?”
Kazumi shook her head again.
“Then we must go and have fun after the competition. But first, we must focus on it.”
Kazumi nodded.
She was overawed by the city. It was much bigger than Sendai. She suddenly thought of Fujita. He was somewhere here too, fighting for his dream. Just as she was. He had given her the courage to pursue her dream. She wasn’t going to let him down.
---
Spring came. Along with the blossoming of the cherry. It was a time of renewal.
“Wow. It’s beautiful,” Kei exclaimed.
Shiozawa was grinning. They were at Ueno Park, cherry-gazing.
“Let’s sit over there, under the tree,” she pulled Shiozawa along.
They sat side by side, amidst the crowd, and gazed at the cherry together. She placed her head on his shoulder.
“This year, the happiest thing is being by your side,” she whispered
---
Miyu was looking out of her window. Spring had come. A year. She was nowhere near freeing herself from this emotional prison. She had promised to forget him before the arrival of spring. It was a broken promise.
She sighed. She needed a break. She made up her mind to apply for academic leave tomorrow.
