alone

bad things usually don't come alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXHHLhcGO1A
freya's yi ge ren sheng huo

叶子在窗外轻轻摇动
人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱

你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴
我现在有多寂寞

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我
感觉如果要走 谁能说 No
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺
爱你怎么会是这个结果

爱情是个梦而我睡过头



我想我已习惯一个人生活

i have nothing to say about this.

i do wonder if there exists in this world someone who can make me make my world come to a standstill just for that person, or even to simply just slow down.

takukimu

so that i would never forget, i clicked the shutter in my heart with all my might
as if burning it into my eyes,
as if burning it into my mind,
as if burning it into my heart,
as if burning it into the rest of my life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXbZc6-NV6M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SydVV5IUt_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq-hM5nc3Eg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf1wg9EcV-I
the very, very last part of beautiful life, starring takako tokiwa and takuya kimura

don't you think the roles takuya kimura play are all similar? they all have this arrogant, devil-may-care attitude.

is he acting as himself?

but these 3 clips really bring back alot of memories. i hope someone posts beach boys and summer snow up soon.

if there were a world after death, it could be in someone's heart. you are in my heart, living in there forever.




hey kyoko, did i love you like i should have?

他和她的故事
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFw0chTUGgg

today is monday. isn't it surreal, that we are out of it on a monday? i really appreciate this time outside. i am just sorry that it is ending in slightly more than an hour, and of course i get the feeling i have achieved nothing(yet again) this weekend.

nada sou sou's trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7vQ9SdTCMw

i don't usually watch movies i have no intention of watching at all. and i am not easily swayed by others' opinion. i guess one still knows himself best. always trust yourself.

i saw the picture for nada sou sou in the cinema ads, and i just get struck by this feeling of bliss.

i haven't seen letters from iwo jima and paris, je'taime. i guess i won't. not in the cinema at least.

listening to fly to the sky's eternity album late in the night can be very... i don't know what is the word. but i guess it suits the mood.

nakashima mika's unseen stars
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz8rPKaidE4

i am tempted to buy either yuna ito or mika's album.

chinese songs

"sorry, my love...i really love you...

给我重新爱你的机会"

in my opinion, still the most underrated elva song.

shan hu hai reminds me alot of taiwan. i don't know why, but whenever i hear it, i think of taipei, especially those convenience stores.

dragon ash's fly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znUr-c--bv4

utada hikaru's flavour of life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrgH8d4JQG4

which is better? international or club football?

i like internationals because of the emotions they stir up. listening to the national anthems prior to teh game is always interesting. although i appreciate friendlies because they allow for experimentation, tournaments like the world cup and euro champs are the real deal. it is like a 400m race. not too long, not too short, in a category of their own. in that one month, the squad you bring must have quality and depth. i think it is very interesting to be a national coach, because you spend most of your time watching players and thinking of who to pick, who to play where. and when the anthem plays, with all the fans singing along, i think it is an inspiring moment. the kind of all-ready-to-go feeling.

i like club football because week in week out, you play. and the fans are usually lifelong supporters; the club's in their blood. okay, this applies to national teams as well, but i guess club football has a much more complicated bond to the fan, because the team plays very regularly, relative to the national team. maybe international football is the occasion whereby rivalries are temporarily put aside for the sake of a 'greater cause'. so club football is everyday. and european nights are always special.

but i still think the most interesting and in a way gratifying job of all is to work with the youngsters, be it at country or club level. that is why i appreciate what ajax and arsenal are about.

die Wurst

i realise i have been eating quite a bit of sausages recently. starting on friday.

here are a few sausage-related quotes

es ist mir Wurst- it is sausage to me: i don't care, it doesn't bother me

es geht um die Wurst- it concerns the sausage: it is now or never

alles hat eine ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei: everything has an end, only the sausage has two: everything will come to an end

frustration

i don't want to be nakata. there is someone else i don't want to become like.

that's why i don't want to make decisions. that's why i lie low sometimes. that's why i don't do what i would have done. that's why i hold myself back. that's why i do what i do, which isnt really what i want.

however much it means to me.

that's why there is frustration.

if you want to reach heaven, you got to have the basics.

at least that is what i believe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkdFDYFRpmQ
japan v germany
takahara's first goal was very nice. that's what passing is about.

to play a short passing game, there must be movement. no movement= no passing, unless you count those kind of passes between defenders without any pressure. i don't see any point in that. move, move move!

i once saw arsenal break away. fabregas ran with the ball and he looked around for options. there were none. he played a long ball that curled to henry's head. henry headed tamely or over or something. it wasn't a goal.

do you ever wonder what fabregas was feeling when he made that pass?
has it ever occured to you that he would have gone for a short pass if there were an option?
he had no choice but to play that ball.
of course it is a good ball, and he would have been pleased.
but he could have played it short, if people gave him a chance.

if everytime there was no movement, and fabregas plays this kind of ball, would arsenal's play become one-dimensional in the sense it is always this kind of killer balls?
then when his balls go stray, would you blame him for the team being one-dimensional to accomodate him? it would seem as though the team was accomodating him. but it would be unfair to say that. he would never want it to be the case.

you must understand that.

Did you forget?

T's did you forget
live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4Yd9voKYZU'
mv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzBcxqSaxRg

ando miki

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWnB8LFzibU

they removed the ando miki video. this is another version of it. condensed version, i would say.
they cut away the interview part.

i hope to find the video again, because there is something in the interview. the part where ando practises, with her hair untied. they were able to capture the texture, the layers of her hair in the lighting.

if that were a picture, it would have been very, very, very nice.

can i capture something like that?
***

by the way, ando miki just won the world figure skating champs. one-two finish for japan.

i guess we reached the point where there was nothing more to talk about. maybe we reached that point quite early, but somehow we deceived ourselves and held on longer.

the point where there is nothing more to talk about. it's like running around, around and around, trying to create space, trying to offer options, but never getting the ball.

it's very tiring you know.

closing a door, then opening it again to find the person gone.

that image will stick forever to me.

laundry

now i finally understand why lee jung jae said in il mare that doing laundry can be therapeutic.

maybe it applies to other forms of household chores as well.

is it because they are a break from our usual work routine? or is it because it embodies the lazy afternoon feeling? somehow, when i think of hanging laundry, i think of lazy sunday afternoons.

maybe that's how we recharge. just laxing around.

maybe our generation really forgot the basics.

and the laundry really helped ease things abit.

the frustration and disappointment are mounting. maybe i need a break as well. but i am too afraid to call for it, because it is the last anchor. i am really not prepared to drift. and of course i fear that the break will mean the end.

it means too much to me. that's why it has become a love-hate relationship.

maybe it is time to lower expectations.

Guardian Angel

Le Tempela watches over Venprek. Le Tempela, meaning ‘the Temple’, was built to ward off foreign invaders. Restoration works have restored it to its former splendor. Now, tourists and locals alike scale the steep, narrow pathway up the Caheles Hills to get to the castle itself.

Le Tempela was not always known as le Tempela. It only acquired its current name after the saint Kaboul Sahin was buried in it, thereby turning it into a place of reverence. Although le Tempela was the staging point of the defence of Venprek throughout the Middle Ages, Venprek’s biggest victory was won not directly by the fortification of le Tempela, but by the eloquence and reason of Sahin. In the face of overwhelming enemy forces, Sahin set off from le Tempela unarmed to the enemy camp, and persuaded the enemy to call off the attack, thus averting disaster. Sahin’s deed was to be remembered gratefully forever. It would also prove to be the last time Venprek stood on the brink of war. When Sahin died much later of old age, his remains were kept in the chapel in le Tempela.

As a result, le Tempela became the symbol for pacifism, a value which Venprek has since held on tightly to.

Le Tempela, built atop the Caheles, is the tallest structure in Venprek. Looking out at the city from the castle, be it the turrets or the base, I realize that le Tempela has been like a guardian to Venprek all this while, silently watching over Venprek. Unconditionally.

Always by her side.

building

i might never look at a building in the same way again.

i realised that architecture is such a demanding discipline. an architect is everything at once. the next time you step into a building, feel it. your life might just change you know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QpG_QDtxU0
utada hikaru's rendition of i love you. utada is utada after all.

Sad Song in Millenario

You were once here beside me.

We were here before. Sitting at this same table, in the same building, looking at the same bay, the same bridge, the same mainland Venprek. Everything’s the same, yet the feeling I have now, is so different.

They are playing that song again. You asked, why do people listen to sad songs? I didn’t have an answer back then, nor did it really matter to me.

I still don’t have the answer now; but why does the song sound so much like our story?

That couple walking out now… it could have been us.

Sereven: On the other side of the river

There are 7 bridges across the Sentje. Affectionately, the area is known as Sereven, or ‘Seven Bridges’. The 7 bridges are Grand, Revilon, Alks, Neus, Bergruon, Kocabas and Korluka. But usually, the locals just call the bridges 1 to 7, starting from the Kocabas on the extreme left when you look at the Sentje from the Alksstak side.

At the foot of the Grand, on the Fenevour side, a young man leaned against the railing, typing on his mobile phone.

On the other side of the river, a young lady was leaning against the railing. Her phone sounded. There was a message. She flipped her phone open.

Hey, can we don’t be like this?

psv 1 ajax 5

tell you something. i think klaas jan huntelaar is back. 5 goals in 2 difficult games.

i think we celebrated our 107th anniversary in the best possible style. a 5-1 win at psv. there arent many better ways.

i guess psv never got into the game but i would very much like to find out how the game went.

5 points with 5 games to go. like i say, anything is possible. give us a chance.

but for now, let's revel in the moment.

white day

white day was on 14 march, which was like 4 days ago. can u believe it has been a month?

with regards to white day, there are two possibilities. requited or unrequited.

for the unrequited,
otsuka ai's kataomoi no daiyaru (unrequited love dial)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO6-Ma5MrpE

more on possibilities and probabilities. i guess whether a probability of 0.001 or 0.9 doesnt really matter.

it just means it could happen.

and that is the most important thing.

Youness-Cabaye

Youness-Cabaye is formed by the two neighbourhoods of Youness and Cabaye, which were once separate villages. The expansion of Venprek would eventually include them as part of Venprek itself. Numerous parks dot this district, and it is in these parks where we witness the exuberance of Venprek’s youth.

Parc Cerrajero is the biggest park in the district. The concrete walls are covered with graffiti; the gaudy graffiti is a form of expression by the young Venprekers who live in the area. To them, their graffiti is art, not too different from the masterpieces of Czisny himself. It is a form of expression.

Venprekers are very expressive. Music is another form of expression. The younger generation especially prefers loud, rock music. Godenzonen (sons of gods) is one of the most popular bands in Venprek, who specialize in what they call melancholic rock. What sets them apart from other bands is that they do not cut albums. Nor do they belong to any recording company for the record. Parks like Cerrajero are where they stage their performances for their hordes of fans. Totally free.

“We make music not for money. We make music because it is our passion. It is our form of expression. Like talking.”

The success of Godenzonen has inspired many other youths to follow in their footsteps, getting together and making music in any open area. People who do not like loud music have to grit their teeth; the bands are here to stay.

“Some people talk louder, that’s all.”

Walk along the paths that meander through the park, and you may see young people selling every little thing you can possibly imagine. All hand-made.

“You might be impressed by all these. But to us, it is probably borne out of a reaction. An instinct. Take a photo frame. Suppose I go to a shop and look at rows and rows of mass—produced photo frames. I see none that I fancy. Some will be very close to what I am looking for, but still not exactly the one. What do I do? I make my own. It is personalized; it belongs to me. Perfectionists? Yes. Individualistic? Yes. Fussy? Yes. Expressive? Yes.”

In that very same park, you can also see the quieter side of the Venpreker youth. That of young people lounging about amidst the green, basking in the sun.

Even noisy people need some peace sometimes.

ignorance

i have a question.

why can't you be like everyone else and ignore everything else?

why must you do it? why must you take that step? why must you be a hero? heroes die first.

why must you bother? why can't you just shut off? why can't you be more selfish?

why can't you stop troubling yourself?

if you can't say no, don't put yourself in the kind of situation where saying no is the best option.

no wonder they say ignorance is bliss.

godenzonen

happy birthday to ajax amsterdam, the godenzonen. sons of the gods. 107 years.

if a century were that long,
what would an eternity feel like?

there is something satisfying about making decisions which turn out to be very very good ones. especially when it was very difficult in the first place.

now, all we have to do is to wait.

to say

sometimes we have alot of things to say, but there is no one to listen.

sometimes we have alot of things to say, but we don't know how.

sometimes we just don't have anything to say.

Lost in Alksstak

He was at Karedes, one of a number of shopping malls that line the Lafuente Strasse in Alksstak.

On the escalator, he stood beside a couple. The girl seemed to be unhappy, and the guy was comforting her. He turned away; he had his own business.

Subconsciously, he turned back to steal a glance at the couple. The guy was the artist kind. Moreover, he was holding on to something that resembled a canvas. The girl turned away, just avoiding his eyes.

They reached their level, and the couple went in the opposite direction. He plodded along; he didn’t really have anywhere to go.

Then, he whirled around, and hurried in the direction the couple took. He searched every shop. There was no sign of the couple at all.

She might have tied up her hair, but her hair wasn’t all that long, actually. Though he only had the briefest of glimpse of her, she looked familiar. All too familiar. Like someone he knew.

The way she sniffed.

It was her.

Zentraal

Five years away from Venprek is a long time. She realized this as her train glided smoothly into Platform 8 of the Zentraal Station. Stepping out of the carriage, she was struck by how much the station had changed in the few years she was away. The interior had undergone a complete makeover, and boasted a futuristic theme, along with metallic colours. Somewhat like a space shuttle, she realized.

It was all very foreign to her, not like the old Zentraal she knew. There were many people milling about, and she found herself carried forth out of the station. She felt a little uncomfortable. A million faces, a million unfamiliar faces. She had been away for too long.

Stepping out into the wintry evening, she was greeted by a familiar sight. People young and old skating on the ice rink specially put out right at the entrance of the station. Always a this time of the year.

How she longed she could put her skates on this very moment.

She was home, at last.

boku wa kimi wo sagashiteta

el classico was a classic in every sense of the word. plenty of goals, drama and emotions. i am glad i watched.

sometimes i wonder why am i playing, what am i playing for, who am i playing for.

things to look forward to:
nana 2
death note
next season
next year

i am still looking for:
ken hirai's even if
ayaka's i believe
mihimaru gt's so merry christmas
otsuka ai's renai shashin
kimura kaela's magic music
sg wannabe and brown eyed girls' must have love
nakashima mika's helpless rain
orange range's sayonara
keita tachibana's michishirube

i am looking for:
nakashima mika's i love you
boa's key of heart
boa's nanairo ashita~brand new beat
crystal kay's konna ni chikaku de
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDV8YFz0LA0

you don't understand, i am so in love with you

some people are stupid.

some people are unrealistic.

some people are rash.

some people are unreasonable.

what if they were the same people?

missed calls

janice tay couldn't have been more right:

missed calls aren't really missed calls. we didn't miss them. we just didnt get them.

of staying and leaving

now they talk of selling thierry henry.

let's talk about the number 3. in a while, henry, gilberto will all be on the wrong side of 30. with such a young, talented squad, where does this leave them? i have always talked about youth, youth, youth and youth. this is the first time i really think about age. maybe because this issue is suddenly very relevant, with the emerging situation at arsenal.

given my unwavering belief in youth, you would probably think i would agree to selling henry and making a quick buck. especially since henry is sometimes never there when we needed him most.

but i will never agree to selling gilberto and henry. much as i believe in youth, which may be associated by some with 'new', i am also sentimental at heart. why can't they be like dennis bergkamp? see out their career at arsenal. it takes a very special man to do it, and i think they are special enough.

but they must be prepared to accept a reduced role in the near future.

and there are many many reasons why henry and gilberto should stay. maybe more in henry's case.

they also talk about the uncanny resemblances between the current arsenal and the old arsenal.

they are quite right: there is no one like bergkamp.

yes, i realised we lost. and that our season has indeed collapsed in 2 weeks.

but there is a lot left to believe in, to look forward to.

sangatsu kokonoka

yesterday was sangatsu kokono ka, 9 March
live version
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdgcwE1-33w
pv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBEDfJQhzaI

it tells me that it has already been a year. but somehow this 15 months or so, just feels like one long, long, year.

it hasn't been an easy week. i was very relieved to see it end.

and also relieved that we didnt let sloppiness, and a lack of focus towards the end to ruin it all for us. we managed to held on to win 2-1, though i think you know as well, that it was a match we could have won by maybe 4-0. but the most important thing is to win this game first, and then beat psv to qualify.

we also won in spain, and in germany as well. vdv is getting back his form, which is very good news for everyone in hamburg and holland. if ajax can win tonight, it would only be the second time this season all four win.

that would be very nice.

it is even nicer to score all your goals with your left foot, which has largely been absent the past few weeks.

there is something i like about playing as the lone striker. the need to hold onto the ball, the need to be able to fire a quick snap shot, the turn and shoot. a lot of interesting things.

i was watching the rain just now. it is amazing how it was sunny in the morn, and then raining so heavily in the aft. maybe more amazing was that the pitch was surprisingly dry.

from now on, things will be even more difficult. there's only a few things to look forward to.

don't take them away from me.

what were you doing a year ago?

what were you doing two years ago?

what would you be doing a year from now?

nakashima mika's i love you. this is the cover of yutaka ozaki's 1984 song. 1984! so long ago.
but ozaki yutaka died in 1992, aged 26. he wrote this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPunn_1QX0Y

http://www.mognet.net/artisttranslation.php?id=1478&translation=english
english translation of this song.

BoA's key of heart is used in the new olympus commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu0AwMq3O8c

BoA's brand new beat~ nanairo no ashita
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK2ImqRybUA

precious

special version mv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmNTOT4FxwU

acoustic live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHfS1YkIfm4

acoustic live for endless story. i guess its from the same show. but it's a very different endless story. i like the original better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQNkdYIB2gw

endless story as reira
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94SZYWYQc9A

endless story in nana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmWu18Py9Iw

i just realised i lost the mssl 2005, with the acoustic glam sky and endless story. it is not a nice realisation. because youtube doesnt have that particular version of glam sky.

machiavelli's dream

have you heard of 'machiavelli's dream'?

legend has it that machiavelli, on his deathbed told his friends about his dream. he dreamt that he saw a group of men looking dishevelled and all. they were the saintly and the blessed, on their way to heaven.

then he saw a group of well-dressed people, with the likes of plato in it.they were the damned of hell.

machiavelli said he would be much happier in hell, discussing politics with the great ancients.

but this pretty much sums up what sort of person machiavelli was. having read virtually nothing about him before, armed with only the vague impression that his ideas were sort of used to justify tyrannism, i didnt have a wonderful impression of him.

but after reading niccolo's smile, i realise he is not that sort at all. i admire his wit, his intellect and guts. above all, i admire the way he puts himself above the system, and hence above judgement. here is someone who really is himself, and goes about doing things his own way. although he was hugely involved in politics, he was never stained by it.

"the best way to get information is to give it, because a man who wants others to tell him what they know must tell them what he knows."

"it is better to act and repent than not to act and regret."

but i disagree with him on one thing. maybe he is right; but i don't want to accept it.

anyway, i like the way maurizio viroli wrote this. i love the organisation as well as the writing itself. i think the whole work is very coherent. all based on the idea of "niccolo's smile", and using his smile to paint a picture of machiavelli. that there is so much in a smile, isn't it amazing?

veni, vidi, fugi
i came, i saw, i fled.