still on proposal daisakusen

why it is so fantastic

-yamashita tomohisa and nagasawa masami make the best couple since tokiwa takako and kimura takuya in beautiful life. and that's like 7 years ago.

-the outstanding supporting cast: tsuru, mikio, eri, rei's grandfather, the burger shop owner, socrates, their cranky homeroom teacher itoya, and of course the fairy.

-i think the hallelujah chance thingy is one of the lamest i have ever seen.

-all the lines that strike a chord with me

-the time markers such as winter sonata, kitajima's 'kimochii, cho-kimochii', arakura's ina bauer

-ken's original speech in the first episode.

- all the lessons learnt

-ken's speech in the last episode

-the part where ken and rei ran after her grandfather to pass the photos, and to tell him that his tamagoyaki was delicious

-the starting part and ending part of the special episode, on the beach

-theme song ashita hareru kana by kuwata keisuke and the insert chiisana koi no uta by mongol 800

-the debate over osaka-style and hiroshima-style okonomiyaki

-"since then, rei never once called me kenzo again"

-the memories, nostalgia, regrets

watching it, seeing what ken, rei, eri, mikio, tsuru have gone through from their high school days to college days then to their respective adult lives, you can't help be overwhelmed, because all these are memories, sweet and bitter. and of course as we grow up, we always wonder if we could ever be like this again, if all these could last forever.

even people who never really had such memories would be able to understand.

that would explain any contempt one might feel for tada, for trying to come into the picture. for daring to think he has a right to.

however good-natured he is, however unintended it all was. that's why at the end, he redeemed himself by having a button in each hand, so that whichever rei chooses, she would have chosen to leave.

however much regrets you may have, unlike ken, you don't get that chance to go back to the past. even if you get that chance, you might not have the guts, because there are some things you might not dare to go through again.

since you can't change the past, change the present for the future.

that second chance is in the present.

yet, however much you are aware of this, however much you are willing to prove that you are a changed man, that you are not going to make those mistakes again, somehow, there is just nothing for you to apply it on.

from ken's perspective, it would be like there has simply been no one since rei.

no one since her.

proposal daisakusen

i tried to start watching coffee prince again. i struggled to finish one episode.

then i read something about the special episode of proposal daisakusen, and vaguely remembered that there was such a drama. so i decided to see if it was available on crunchyroll.

and i watched 5 episodes straight. so that's the difference. haven't watched a really good drama since kekkon. ok, i haven't watched any dramas since the time before i left, when i started on coffee prince.

but this Proposal Daisakusen had everything. Comic relief, lessons, memories, touching moments...

When it comes to the person you love the most in all your life, when you decide to part with that person, exactly at that very moment, you realize it was that person. But it’s too late.

anyway, the story is about Ken(yamashita tomohisa) attending the wedding of his friend Rei (masami nagasawa). they have been together since elementary school, but nothing ever happened between them. so as he watched the wedding, the slide show, he is filled with regrets. the genie residing in the church decides to give him a chance to go back into the past to change things. but he realises that every little thing he changes is somehow not enough.

which just serves to remind us: much as we would like to think that by changing one single thing, we can change the whole future, it isn't always so. in fact, a lot of times, something is the result of many. it cannot be brushed aside so simply.

to compound the problem, new situations crop up, so what happens is that he changes one thing, and that leads to an unintended consequence that he did not factor into his calculations.

basically as you watch him stumble, you cringe and think: is that still not enough?

and i recall a line from band ohne name's take my heart: wie weit muss ich noch gehen, um bei dir zu sein

how far more must i go, to be by your side?

and the first few times he went back, his attitude was the same as before, proud, inconsiderate and all. that's partly why he didnt manage to change much.

which tells u: if god gives you a second chance, and you don't treasure it, then there is nothing more he can do for you.

and another thing which the genie keeps repeating: if you failed the first time, and you get a second chance, from where are you going to get that confidence to get things right this time?

not encouraging, but food for thought. i guess the answer would be to get it in your head that

it is now or never, you have nothing to lose.



i think what is really good about this drama is that they always have new tricks. just when you think: now what? they pull off a surprise.

and the acting is really good.

forever love

just take 8 minutes or so to watch this. give it a chance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myWmu-wIym0

lyrics here, go to lyrics, den F
http://www.x-japan.de/main.htm

but the lyrics are superfluous, although it will help in understanding things better.

Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

you could say we went down fighting.

even though we threw the lead away a while back, but that's another story, something that cannot be changed, we were given a lifeline somehow. going into the last game, we were three points behind psv. win, and if vitesse wins, we are champions.

we kept our part of the deal by thrashing heracles 5-1.

i guess right up till the final whistle in Arnhem, everyone at the Arena clung on to the belief that vitesse could pull it off.

but psv won 1-0.

the disappointment on the faces of the players who remained on the pitch after the final whistle was evident. and perhaps they had only themselves to blame for not killing off the game, so to say, when they led the league.

but the manner of the fightback, the manner in which we pushed psv all the way, with the help of the other teams to get a result off psv, was commendable.

heads up, because the season is not over. still that champs league place to play for, thanks to the funny dutch system in which the 2nd to 5th placed teams play each other in a mini-tournament to decide who gets that other champs league slot.

in any case, it is really time to stop the psv hegemony. 4 straight titles.

let's hope marco van basten can pull it off. and there will also be another familiar face.

welcome back, dennis bergkamp.

my wishlist

-a world class goalkeeper

-a world class defender

-a world class defensive midfielder

-a midfielder who can score from range- seydou keita

-3 world class attacking midfielders/wingers- robinho, ribery, messi, david silva, diego

-a world class forward- villa, luca toni, karim benzema, aguero

frankly, i think the time to be nice, to have a comfortable, 'family' atmosphere at arsenal is over. it has brought nothing.

i thought the best way to avoid the problems of the dissatisfaction of a big squad is to have a small senior team with talented youngsters on the bench. but the young players have mostly failed to step on to the big stage when required. and i think the senior players need that wake-up call.

since that's the case, it's time to spend.

arsene wenger's biggest problem is that he is too nice.

i think if i were the manager, and one of my players is fouled and no foul is given, i will be shouting at him to get up and get on with it. when the danger is over, the play is stopped, then we do something about it, unless of course the injury is that serious. but seriously, there is never a point in sitting on the ground and cursing the referee. get up and play.

and i think only the captain should be allowed to talk to the press. the players talked too much crap.

i think i will be very very harsh, because i want to win, and i am a perfectionist. so i want to win with style. only players who understand where i am coming from will be able to take that and appreciate what i am doing because it's all for the team.

we forgot the basics.

what they say is true. ljungberg, pires, overmars, in their prime can all score. while we scored in almost every game, the truth is that we only score one goal when we should have scored 5.

even if you start at 0-1 with no good reason at all, win it 5-1.

key players, the dangermen, will always be tightly marked, so you have to live with that.

before you speak, you must first learn to listen.

if you take the lead but don't kill the game, you get punished.

nothing in this world is guaranteed. think what happened to lothar matthaeus in 1999, when he changed to his suit with a few minutes remaining, and then watched as bayern conceded two goals in injury time to lose the final 1-2.

there are people in this world who expect to just show up and win. even though they do get away with it sometimes, these are the very people i don't respect, because they don't respect the effort put in by others, they belittle what means so much to others.

Leave

見えない涙

12:00. K’s cramped room in Kaminakazato.

K removed the guitar lying on her bed, and placed it gently in a corner. “I haven’t had time to clear up.”

“It’s ok,” S said, smiling, as she sat on the bed. She got up again and reached under the blanket- an opened notebook. S took a closer look: music scores were scribbled on it, along with some words. Lyrics, presumably.

“While I Silently Die,” S read aloud.

K, who was busy making coffee tilted her head slightly, “What?”

“While I Silently Die,” S repeated. “Your new song?”

“It’s an old song.”

“I have never heard you sing it before.”

“I have never sung it before.” K returned with the two cups of coffee. “Everything packed?”

S put the book away, “More or less…”

“What time is your flight again tomorrow?”

“10.”

“Less than 24 hours.”

“Maybe you could write a song on that,” S said jokingly.

K had only a troubled expression on her face. “I don’t think I would be able to see you off…I have an appointment at 9 in Shinjuku.”

“It’s all right…I would cry and make a fool out of myself,” S laughed.

“Take care of yourself when you are over there. It’s hard out there.”

“Thank you…I don’t know… I wish I could be like you.”

“Me?” K asked, surprised.

“I think I am too simple sometimes…”

“Isn’t it good to be simple?”

“I don’t know…sometimes I think I am too dependent on others…I need to be strong I guess…Like you. You have always been strong. "

“What’s so good about being strong?” she asked. Then, almost as an afterthought, “Am I really that strong?”

After S left, K pulled aside the window blinds, letting the midday sun in. For a long time, she sat by the window, deep in thought. S’s words replayed themselves in her mind.

S, don’t be like me. I have tried to be too strong, I have been too proud to say anything, bearing every burden on my own, silently. But in the end, I have only hurt the people around me, all the people who matter most to me. And myself.

It’s ok to cry. Cry whenever you want.

最後

16:00. Hair Salon on Omotesando.

S felt someone tap on her shoulder and opened her eyes; she had dozed off. Y was beside her, smiling. “You are next.”

S smiled and followed him. After she was properly settled down, he asked, “How do you want it?”

“I will leave it to you.”

S saw his eyes narrow as he thought about it. “Ok-“ S cut him off. “Don’t tell me about it. I want to be surprised.”

Y laughed. “Ok.”

S watched him in the mirror. He wore a serious expression on his face as he went about the task, combing, trimming, occasionally stopping to make sure everything was in order. Observing him, she smiled.

He must have noticed her smile, somehow. “Why are you smiling?”

“It’s the last time, isn’t it?”

He stopped.

“It’s the last time you are doing my hair for me...” S’s voice trailed off.

Y rested his head on her shoulder as they both looked into the mirror. Then he tilted his head downwards, burying his face in her shoulder.

“I will miss you,” he whispered.

They stayed like that for a while. When he looked up again, his eyes were a little teary.

He sniffed, blinking as he rubbed his eyes with a deft flick of the back of his palm. He smiled into the mirror. His eyes were still moist, and a little swollen. Then, he continued from where he had left off.

At the end of it all, she looked at her new hairstyle in the mirror and smiled. “Thank you. I love
it a lot.”

As she took her leave, he wanted to call out to her; there was so much he wanted to tell her.

Things he would otherwise not have the chance again to say. Things from the depths of his heart.

But he didn’t.

He couldn’t.

We always realise too late.

白黒の写真

20:00. A manga cafe in Ueno.

S looked around the small brightly-lit shop and smiled.

“What are you looking at?” E asked as she sat opposite S, setting the cup down in front of S.

“Your tea.”

“Nothing much…just that this place brings back so many memories…we used to meet here often, didn’t we? T, K, Y, you, me. I miss the old days…K would sit by that corner, listening to her Discman. Y would be all curled up on that old sofa, with a volume of Slam Dunk. You would be behind the counter, tending to the odd customer who’s come in. I would be sitting here…and T…he would be standing by the shelves, leaning against it, browsing a random title…”

“But we can never go back to the past.”

S looked at E in surprise, or was it pain? Pain that E had brought her back to reality, that E had shattered all the wonderful images forming in her mind.

“I am sorry,” E muttered, looking away.

S looked down, into the tea. “It’s all right. I was too silly, to be thinking about the past.” Her eyes darted around and she smiled as she looked up again, “Nothing can stand the test of time.”

“What time are you flying?”

“10.”

E did not say a word. She did not say if she would be sending her off. If she would have the time.

After a while, she stood up and went back to the counter. “That’s soon.”

“Uh.”

“All packed and ready to go?”

“Uh.” S nodded and looked at E, who was wiping the sink.

“We don’t have a lot of time left,” E said, without looking up.

“Uh.”

E stopped and closed her eyes. “Take care.”

A tear rolled down her eye.

I guess we thought this would never end, but those colourful memories have turned into black and white photographs in our album.

自分にさよなら

00:00. S’s room

I am really leaving.

-

It’s really goodbye isn’t it?

-

It’s time to let everything go, isn’t it?

-

Why aren’t you saying anything?

What do you want me to say?

I don’t know.

Can you let go?

It’s not easy. It has been such a big part of my life. Even though in the past year, everything was
slowly slipping away…however hard I try to cling on, to hang on. It was really very difficult. It was like, I was the only person desperately trying to hang on to everything, trying to keep everything as it was. Why am I the only one doing it? Does it mean nothing at all to the rest?

Maybe they don’t know what to do…

But it hurts so much…

It hurts them just as much, just that they never say it…we all have our own ways of dealing with it…maybe for the rest, they choose to run away.

T.

He’s somewhere, awake. Hurting.

When I need him most.

It’s difficult for him too.

I don’t know.

Don’t hate him.

I’ll try.

He has his reasons.

I know.

You love him, don’t you?

Can I forget everything?

Are you sure you want to?

Yes…

Would it help?

I don’t know.

I can’t help you anymore.

I know.

Goodbye.

自由

09:40 Narita Airport

S hugged her parents, and bade them a final farewell as she walked towards the gate. She stopped and looked back, casting a lingering look, a last scan of the crowd. She finally turned and
continued on her way.

From his vantage point, T watched her disappear and whispered, “You are free.”

losers

the door is open for anyone who wants to leave.

but let me say this: while arsene wenger is not faultless, neither are the players. in fact, the players are every bit responsible for the debacle.

why?

the manager doesn't win the game. the players win the game. arsene wenger can't step onto the field to score.

it is because they didn't raise their game, nobody carried the team when it was needed, that this happened. don't blame refereeing decisions, because if these had happened, those would ahve been superfluous.

maybe the players are just not good enough. they couldn't raise their game because they were only that level.

the door is open for whoever wants to leave. even cesc fabregas.

the senior players complain about the maturity. where the hell was your own maturity? did you yourself show the maturity, the experience, the leadership?

those who are frustrated at the lack of silverware. you are the one who didnt win it.

the door is open. but i have no respect for whoever that leaves. whoever leaves has no guts because he is trying to run away, trying to deny that he is not good enough, trying to deny responsibility, when it is clear that he fell short when he was required to produce the goods.

the door is open for the cowards. they are worse than losers.

Blue Rose

“You. The girl with the green eyes that are as green as algae, that make you slip and fall into the abyss. And who can’t cook.

“I don't know you. But this song is for you.”

Osaka, 2005. A pub off Dotonburi. The Blue Rose. The lead singer of that band on the stage. The spotlight on him. The girl sitting alone with her Blue Rose. All eyes on her.

Osaka, 2008. The entrance of the Blue Rose.

“Oh, it’s you, the girl with the green eyes…and I can’t remember the rest,” the owner with the ponytail stopped wiping the countertop when he saw her. “What a way to describe a person. You know, only he could have come up with that.”

She took a seat at the bar, putting her bag down on the adjacent seat. 5 in the afternoon, they were the only souls.

"Blue Rose?”

She nodded.

“Are you still writing that book?”

She nodded. He placed the glass in front of her. “Please.”

She murmured her thanks. Taking a sip from it, she surveyed the small pub. The fading paint, the old photographs, the cracks on the wall, the torn cushions, the calendar stuck on 18 March 2005.

The old grandfather clock marking time with its monotone- uncannily like a death knell.

She sucked in a deep breath and looked up at him. “Maybe I should get going.”

“It’s barely touched.”

She rummaged around her bag for her purse.

“It’s on me.”

She stopped. “Thank you.”

She stepped out, and he knew that perhaps he would never see her again.

She didn’t know where she was going, but found herself at Dotonbori Bridge. Where she stood, gazing into the water, as the world hurried by.

She seemed to see images from another time. A happier time, perhaps.

She rummaged in her bag again, and took out a pile of papers, a little yellowed. The first of it read, “Blue Rose.”

She closed her eyes and threw it into the water. The papers floated on the air, and seemed as though they would never touch the water. When she opened her eyes again, the papers were on the water, slowly being engulfed.

The river flowed.

Back at The Blue Rose, the owner turned on the radio.

“Osaka Boys’ newest single He doesn’t love you debuts at Number 1 on the Oricon…”

He went to the panel of photographs and took that photograph down. He stared at the young couple on it. He turned it over.

Scribbled in two different handwritings, one neat, one barely legible:

He promises to write a song titled ‘Blue Rose.’

She promises to write a book titled ‘Blue Rose.’

“Promises…what are they?” he sighed and stuck it back to its original position.

As he turned, it fell.

OOH AAH Cantona

Return of the King

The Empire Strikes Back

The Gods Awaken

They simply turned it on. Bang.Bang.Goal.

Like men possessed; like Champions

you know, they had no chance at all

to myself

a season which had promised so much is ending in disappointment.

we started the season afresh, amidst some lingering doubts. but we know that we were at last shaking off the disappointment and agony of the past two years.

at the turn of the year, there were some disappointments, but we still went into 2008 as leaders, with every confidence that we could win everything.

we started the year well, but slowly everything slipped away.

we watched as the season self-destructed. as everything within grasp vanished into thin air.

now, we are in extremely poor form. morale is down, and we have basically forgotten how good we are.

the victory at bolton was only a brief respite. everything's back to as it was a month ago.

but it's really not the time to feel sorry for ourselves. get up and fight. come on.

the reports all confirmed it: it was a ridiculous penalty. and maybe it didn't even happen in the box. the referee was probably thinking: in the first leg, a penalty wasn't given, and that referee was criticised, so i have to give it this time.

of course you feel a sense of injustice.

i can tell you that sometimes you can't judge a football game by the result, or even the proceedings.

like the first leg between man u and roma. people can say that man u played very well because they were so dangerous in the last 20 minutes. i can tell you those are the people who don't understand football, because they don't realise that after the 2nd goal was conceded, it wasn't roma-man u anymore. as simple as that.

it's the same yesterday. babel might have gotten the 4th goal, but that goal came when the game was already different.

we just got liverpooled. englanded.

the pride of england, all right.

we don't have time to feel indignant. there is work to be done. we may have surpassed others' expectations, but we haven't surpassed ours, because i am sure right at the start, even with henry's departure, the goal was clear: champions, champions.

i can tell you that next season will be harder because tottenham will really be a threat. blackburn, everton and maybe villa as well. and maybe man city.

we have to work on the killer instinct, and to really get the ball up so quickly such that we play against 4 defenders, rather than 8 players. you know why an average team like liverpool can be so threatening? they kept going 3 on 3 on us yesterday. and that's what man u does best, and that's why they are top. this is actually the killer instinct.

if we need to buy, we need to buy.

and the door is open for whoever wants to leave.

a season which has promised so much ends in disappointment.

how apt.

"he was finally home. home from the war. not without many wounds. he sat on the old, familiar sofa, silently watching the tv screen. it was a video of herself which she had made. a goodbye video. her last days. she was battling to keep a cheerful front; but it was obvious she was losing to the illness. this video, was all she had left for him. and he couldnt be by her side for those final moments. and he didnt know what to feel anymore.

this was how i felt when i watched the final."

may 2006.

we always end up on the wrong side of the score.

why didn't i cry, why couldn't i cry?

i don't know.

but the feeling now, 2 hours or so after the game, is just like may 2006.

every game a cup final

every game is a cup final now.

boro has given us another chance. 5 out of 5 wins in the league. and maybe we are champions. that's the math. so simple.

the story isn't over; the race isn't over. what rang so true for us a month or so ago applies now too.

but first, liverpool.

the entire season can be said to boil down to this game. we were all wrong, it wasn't milan. it's liverpool.

this is where we make that last stand.

it is probably the biggest game of our lives thus far.

may god be with us.

i knew that april was going to be a difficult month.

i just didn't knew that i was also going to be so tested.