Wednesday, July 30, 2008

farewell

after the plane touched down, on our way to the final parking position, the plane taxied into a rainbow and a jet of water.

it hadn't rained.

but it was the captain's final flight; he was retiring from service, a service that had spanned more than 30 years.

on the plane, we applauded as the announcement was made.

and i was thinking: what a special farewell. what a fitting tribute.

i was glad to have been part of that moment for him, not that he would know, nor would he care. but it is not everyday that you fly, and not everyday that the person flying you is retiring after that flight. so it was a special moment for me and all the passengers and crew too.

most of us will probably retire with a simple farewell dinner. so i hoped he had savoured that moment, because not everyone gets that chance.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

From where I stood

From where I stood, I could feel the expectation welling up in me; an irrational hopefulness.

He broke into a sprint, keeping his eyes on the ball. As the ball dropped, he stretched out a foot to catch it. Then came the unmistakable shrills of the referee's whistle, signaling the end of the game, and the ball bounced off his foot. Almost like a reflex action, he reached out with his left hand and grabbed the ball, snatching it out of midair and tucking it under his arm.

For a while, he stood like that, with the other hand on his hip.

He shut his eyes briefly, as though taking in what had just transpired, as though coming to terms with reality. As though realizing that it had ended; that it was at last over. As though he was trying to phrase this in the most appropriate way, but finding that it was all the same.

And he opened his eyes again.

From where I stood, I saw his shoulders heave, and his mouth opened slightly, as though he was exhaling. Or maybe he was crying within. Crying and exhaling are all the same- outlets for things that have built up in us, that need to be released.

He turned his head slightly, surveying the stadium.

And I wondered what he felt, to be standing like this on his beloved pitch for the last time. We never could grasp the meaning of something until it's over, could we? Maybe even right at the very end, we still wouldn't be able to do so. Was it reminiscence, regret, release or resignation?

I thought I saw him smile, but it was a smile laced with the slightest of sadness.

He had given his all, hadn't he? But his best wasn't good enough. He once told me that failing others was painful, but failing yourself was the worst. The past few months had been difficult, fraught with many disappointments. But right at the very end, perhaps even he had forgiven himself.

He turned and walked towards the tunnel.

And from where I stood, I applauded him.

a concession

i must admit:

in more ways than one, i lost the touch; the magic is gone.

Monday, July 28, 2008

haunted

1. Keys

"No, I am back. In fact I just arrived two hours or so ago… Well, it was a good break…yes I am standing outside my door now…I am on leave on tomorrow as well…wait a moment," he switched the phone over to the other hand as he fished for his keys. "Sorry, I was opening my door. Please go on…"

"Uh huh…uh huh…" he acknowledged as he stopped to remove his shoes, bending down to arrange them neatly. "I understand. I will come by tomorrow then…"

Entering with his luggage, he reached out to switch on the light. "No, it's not a problem at all. Don't worry…"

He placed the luggage to the side. "Yes, see you tomorrow at the office then."

Hanging up, he saw that bunch of keys on the table.

2. Name

"I am so glad we clinched it," the boss laughed heartily and patted him on the back. "It's all thanks to you. You came back in the nick of time…like the cavalry to the rescue."

"It's nothing," he said.

"Come, let's drink up. We have very good reasons to. To our success and to our new family member," the boss stood up, raising his mug, for a toast.

"You are quite a lucky charm. First week at work, and the company has clinched such a big deal," another colleague nudged the newcomer.

The newcomer said nervously, "But I almost botched it. Thankfully, we managed to salvage it." He turned to him, "Thanks for your help."

He smiled.

A phone suddenly rang, interrupting the dinner. The newcomer sheepishly took out his phone.

"Who is it?" the boss asked with a hint of disapproval.

"It's Karin," he excused himself.

Karin.

"Who's Karin?" he asked casually.

"Oh, you don't really know about him, since he came when you went on holiday…Karin is his wife. Just married, that guy."

3. Voice

Love Project

by Karin Stecci

The sign that had caught his attention read. He hesitated a while, before stepping in.

It was a small room with white walls, on which large photographs were displayed. Photographs to do with the photographer's notion of love.

He stood in the center of the room, turning to take in all the photographs. Photographs that have nothing to do with him. Not even a single trace. Everything was new, like the whitewashed walls.

He heard a man's voice. Then hers.

He turned and stepped out of the room quickly.

4. Song

Driving along the expressway, the radio was playing that song. That song from long ago.

He very much wanted to switch it off.

But he couldn't.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

last, we try.

in my last days in cologne, i was watching volleyball, some tournament which poland sent their b team to play in. a b team which included anna baranska and 2 other senior players.

needless to say, they ended up losing all of their games.

in the game against usa, they were down 13-22 in the second set when marco bonitta called for a timeout. and the camera picked out his words to the team.

"last, we try."

Friday, July 25, 2008

Gianzkareska

It is time to mark yet another new chapter in life.

Admittedly, that 祈り 東京 独り言 lasted only all of 7 months is a pity. But life goes on. And moving to Munich indeed marks a new beginning. And it was always obvious that that was just temporary.

A while back, I changed the links to state that 'this is the end station.' So I thought, why not a title to do with train stations?

The things to ponder were: should it be the name of a real station, or an imaginary one? If real, should it be Western, or Japanese? Should there be any prefixes, i.e. new, old, central, west, east etc?

In the end, I chose to come up with a name myself.

And of course I changed the display name as well. I was probably thinking of Mongol 800, the guys who sang that chiisana koi no uta song.

Since the Mongols were also in AOK, why not the name of my fav civilization in it- the Saracens, more specifically their unique unit, the Mameluke? And what about the number? 8 is my number. 11 is from anna baranska. So 811.

And to kick off things, here are the 10 songs for the first half of this year. Usually I come up with a list of 20 for the entire year. But I thought maybe I will do it differently now. So here goes:

1. Das Beste silbermond
Finally a song that is as good as symphonie, or even better. it's the lyrics and Stefanie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5VzwPYpE3Q

2. 小さな恋のうた mongol 800

the song for proposal daisakusen. This song touches you with its simple sincerity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu5kWHR_Imo

3. Goodbye the melody
The song that kept me company in the cold January.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26_xpdg0L-Y&

4. Forca nelly furtado
When I listen to this song, I feel this urge to get up and play

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ChGxIvWscA

5. Forever Love xjapan
The last live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex2z2154cHc

6. Lies glen hansard
Once.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg0zRzoH9MY

7. Friends otsuka ai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0mt85H5klI

8. Almost Lover a fine frenzy
Listen to it standing in the middle of a crowded street or plaza, or at the airport in the wee hours, or simply in the night, when all is silent, and you will understand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk

9. Deeper and Deeper anna macmurphy
The song that brings back whiffs of that Long Vacation. Still a classic after more than 10 years.

10. Graduation vitamin c
A very suitable song, no?

Friday, July 18, 2008

football back to its roots

i watched the UEFA U19 women's semi-final between Germany and Norway, and the UEFA U19 men's group stage game between Spain and Hungary.

in both of of these two games, the favourites. Germany and Spain, were sent out of the tournament, the former by penalties, the latter, because their 0-1 defeat, coupled with Germany's 3-0 win over Bulgaria meant they had absolutely no chance of going through to the next round.

in both of these two games, the favourites dominated much of the game, had enough chances to put the game beyond doubt.

in the Germany-Norway game, Germany totally dominated the first half, but only had one goal. in fact, it was very obvious that they were the better team. Julia Simic, Marie Pollmann, Kim Kulig were just a class above. in the second half, Norway took the game to Germany, and the game started to be more open. Norway totally looked like a different team, and you were wondering if maybe they should have taken this approach right from the start, rather than show Germany that respect, or fear. then, Norway got a very, very lucky break from a horrible blunder from the german keeper. their number 10, Elisa Enget took advantage of poor control from the keeper to tap in the equaliser, and for the next part of the game, the Germans looked like the Norwegians, and vice versa.

this is basically my point. morale. in times of crisis, you need someone to come in and provide that inspiration, to lift the team. it was a very simple goal, but if you look at it again, you realise that the moment the backpass was played, Enget had made her run to pressure the keeper. that's why she is a key player. at that moment when they needed someone, she was there.

of course the germans were too good and started to reassert themselves again. but they couldnt finish, and the game went into extra time, then penalties.

which is my next point. the germans missed the first two penalties. the first was very unlucky, because it was really a very good penalty, low and hard to the left, beat the keeper but not the post. the 2nd taker, Wagner, always looked like she wasnt going to score. you can tell from her face and body language. the third taker was Pollmann, who took it well. the 4th taker, Mirlach was a centre-back. she scored as well, but the two misses earlier on proved costly.

so basically, the 5th taker didnt get to take the penalty. who was she? kulig had already been taken out. so my guess was either Simic or the captain Weber. so why was Wagner the one who took that second penalty?

unless you are telling me the captain can't take penalties. i think in a shoot-out, the captain must take a penalty, because he/she isnt the captain for nothing. i know simic can take penalties because she took all of their set-pieces. so i didnt understand why someone not confident was sent to take a penalty.

and now, on to the Spain game. the number 9 Nsue had tears on his face after missing a 1-0n-1, with i think less than 10 minutes remaining. why was he crying? that was his 4th miss of the game. at least 4th. because i can tell you these 4 chances were really very, very good chances. really the kind of it-is-easier-to-score-than-miss chances.

when i saw him crying, i thought if i were the manager, i would be shouting at him to stop crying and get on with the game, because there was still time.

as it was, Hungary held on to win 1-0. of course other players had chances as well, but the most glaring misses belonged to Nsue. no wonder he was distraught.

it affected me alot, because i have seen players cry after games, but not during games. of course it doesnt reflect mental strength on his part, but at least you know, he cared enough.

you think adebayor will cry when he misses his 10th chance of the game and Arsenal loses 1-0?
you think ronaldo will cry if John Terry hadnt missed that penalty and Chelsea had won the champions' league?

watching these two games have been, in a way, refreshing because these 2 games bring football back to the basics, back to its roots, without the money.

on another note, it is interesting to see how the world has changed simply by looking at the names of the players. i was watching abit of the Germany-Bulgaria game as well. in both the men and women U19 Germany teams, there are quite a few ungerman surnames. that tells you abit about immigration.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

the antlers

the other day i was watching kashima antlers play fc tokyo in heavy fog, a game in which a draw will take them top of the j-league.


while fc tokyo had some flashes of brilliance, one couldnt deny that the antlers were pretty much in control. and though fc tokyo took the lead early in the first half, marquinhos equalised after less than 5 minutes. then, motoyama slammed home a drilled ball across to complete a sweeping antlers move. and with 5 minutes to go, the antlers scored a third.

and at the start of injury time, they got a corner. and i guess most team would just send 2 or 3 men up as a token gesture. not this team. 6 went up, including the centerbacks. but danilo got the goal. 4-1. and the rest of the injury time saw the ball mostly in fc tokyo's half.

fc tokyo actually played quite well. most people would argue that 4-1 wasnt a fair reflection of the play. the second half was end-to-end, with both sides having the chances. but you got to give it to the antlers- they just have this killer instinct, they just want to keep scoring, even when the match is safe. if they made the scoreline flattering for themselves, it is because they have earned it.

to me, they are easily the best attacking team in the j-league. i love the way they move the ball up the field so quickly, the options are always there. that's what make them tick. the midfield has no wingers. for what? in toru araiba, a defender who wears the number 7, that tells you a bit about him, and uchida, they essentially have 2 wingers and 2 full-backs. and motoyama and marquinhos are more than able to drift to the flanks to take over the winger duties as well.

aoki and nozawa are the holding midfielders who are not afraid to take shots or even get into the area. but with a goal down, one was taken off for the more offensive-oriented danilo, such that it becomes 4-1-1-2-2. and the move paid off. after the equaliser, the game had already opened up, so the pattern was essentially- win the ball back, get the ball to ogasawara, ogasawara release someone, the pitch is then stretched, and the man with the ball either try to beat the defender or the defence, as the rest of the players pour forward.

the antlers have been named the Galloping Herds of Ibaraki. when you watch them attack, you understand why.

and they are not only good at scoring goals, they are also decent at defending. in fact, they have the best attack and best defence in the league. oiwa and iwamasa do their job perfectly. sogahata is a steady no-nonsense keeper.

the best form of defence is a good attack. always, always attack. but when you have to defend, you jolly well defend well.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

the end

in the past week, i have come to realise:

it is inevitable that we let go of some things, even if in the last few months, we may have been holding on to them tightly simply because that is what we have always been doing, because faced with unfamiliarity, we cling on to the familiar.

and when the moment comes for us to acknowledge this, we inevitably feel something. a small voice crying in some corner of the heart not to let go. even though we at that very same corner know that it is long over.

it takes more guts to give up than to hang on.

at such a point in time, i look again to justine henin.

It's a great day in my life, I believe that you can call it that. I'm here today to announce to you that I am putting a definitive end to my tennis career. I know that it is a shock for many people and a surprise, but for me it's decision I've thought about for sometime now. It is not a decision which I made because of a simple defeat in Berlin. I've thought about it in my head for sometime, for a few months already, since the latter month of 2007. It's an end to a beautiful adventure.

Perhaps, people will think that I am still young, but there are no rules. I invested enormously in my sport, since the age of five. I always lived for tennis, and it's without regret because I lived emotions which I will never forget. Images engraved in my heart and my memory, and I am sure it's in the heart and the memory of many of you too. Today a page has turned.

I don't feel sadness, but rather a release, a relief, a glance towards the future. I always seek to build and change, and not only by tennis. I believe that tennis gave me many beautiful things, but I want to do it by returning to the essentials. I based my life on the relationships, the love and all that I could give to tennis. But I couldn't manage to express it anymore these past months. I thought about it alot. I made this decision by myself in my little corner, with the support of my family, off course. But I wanted to make the decision for me. I am very, very proud. You need courage to arrive at this conclusion.

I felt that six months or even one year later I would have a harsh bitter taste if I continued, and that things won't get better than what happened these last few months. But today, I can speak about my sport, all that I lived with a smile, very beautiful things happened and they are in my heart. I have a desire to create new things. The future for me is to live with my decision, and to realize my new goals. To assume it and breathe again.

There are no bad things ahead for me. I feel that I have the qualities and capacities, to communicate and raise many new projects. I'm sure I will see things much more clearly when the time comes. The first is my Foundation. It's really very important for me to be able to continue to help these children, to live precious moments with them. To continue to give them a chance to dream. We're here at my home. Right in my tennis academy. This is something which I will continue to support, off course with Carlos. He'll be stronger and valuable here. I have confidence in other future projects. There are peak performance workshops and seminars with Carlos and Nexum/Nexp in the area of human resources.

Of course, there are gratitudes to give. The first of which is to Carlos - I say thank. You are once more at my side. It's 12 years together that we lived , and you held me up. 12 years to believe in me. You never abandoned me. He was always very discrete and standing in the shadows when I won because he didn't want to intrude on my family and friends. But at other times, the difficult moments he made his presence known. He always respected me, and I must say since last week Thursday he still impresses me. The calm and patience he gave me. The incredible amount of support. I know he will always be strong and at my side. I am really very proud of this because tennis is a solo sport. It is undoubtedly my most exquisite thing of pride - the human adventure that I lived with him. And I believe that if Carlos had said to me one day, "Ju for family reasons or some other reason. Please don't feel obligated. You can let me go". It was obvious to me that we would still continue as a team even if my tennis career stopped. We're powerful together, and this is why it worked so well.

Our relationship was much bigger than coach and a player. We passed all the tests, but from now on it will be different, it will be more beautiful. I'm grateful to his family - his wife and children who will get more of their father. And the thought of this makes me smile today. It's also a relief to know there won't be these difficult moments, these separations. They really have a big place in my heart.

I would like to, off course, thank my family - my parents, Dad, Mom, because I'm here today only because of you. Everything is fine thanks to you. My brothers and sister too. I have to admit that my role as older sister makes me very happy. There are great things which await us. My friends here today. It was great spending time with you and I'm sure there's more ahead for us, bigger things, more honest and stronger. My Godmother is here. Gene, thank you for your role in my life it was very important. My staff obviously. You can only build something large with a faithful team. And they were always available and believed in me. Thank you for being there. It wasn't an individual sport, but a team sport.

Thank You to all my sponsors, the current ones and those from the very beginning because without people who believe - you cannot get there. Thank You to the AFT, the WTA, the COIB and all the people who counted on me.

Thank You to all my fans. I'm happy to have had the opportunity to give them excitement. I hope I brought a little sunshine in their lives. We spent such great moments together. I hope that everyone can understand and that everyone will support me in the beginning of this new life...Thank you very much

- justine henin, 14 may 2008

Monday, July 14, 2008

Friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0mt85H5klI&feature=related

Friends, Otsuka Ai

Tooku made aruite mita nani mo motazu ni aruita
Kimi ni atta ano hi no koto wa ima demo takaramono

I tried to walk far away, without carrying anything
Meeting you that day remains a treasure to me even now

Yuuyake de kakushita yokogao miraretakunakatta
Chippoke de potsuri namida nante rashikunakute
Sono te wo sotto hanashita

I hid my face in the twilight, not wanting you to see it
Little tears were dripping down, which wasn’t like me
And I quietly let go of your hand

Sayonara tte ietara kitto
Motto kantan ni wasurerareta no?
Moshi mata itsuka aeru toki ni wa
Arigato tte ieru you ni

If only I could have said goodbye
Then surely I could have forgotten you more easily?
If I can see you again one day
I hope I can say thank you

Ano shashin kara kikoeru waraigoe
Dokomademo hibiiteta ne
Ikuji nashi potsuri namida nante
Nasakenakute wazato iya na yatsu no furi shita

I can hear your laugh from this photo
It echoed all around
The weak little tears that dripped down were so pathetic
That I acted horrible on purpose

Itsumo no you ni ietara kitto
Motto kantan ni waraeta no kana
Moshi mata itsuka aeru toki ni wa
Itsumo no you ni ieru you ni

If only I could have spoken to you in the same way I usually did
Then maybe it would have been easier to smile
If I can see you again
I hope I can talk to you in the same old way I used to

Wasurenaide tte ietara kitto
Donna koto mo shinjirareta no?
Hon no sukoshi tsuyoku naritai
Motto sunao ni nareru you ni

If only I could have said “Don’t forget me”
Could I have believed in anything?
I want to be just a little bit stronger
So I can be more true to myself

Sayonara tte ietara kitto
Motto kantan ni wasurerareta no?
Moshi mata itsuka aeru toki ni wa
Arigato tte ieru you ni

If only I could have said goodbye
Then surely I could have forgotten you more easily?
If I can see you again one day
I hope I can say thank you

Tooku made aruite mita nani mo motazu ni aruita
Kimi ni atta ano hi no koto wa ima demo takaramono

I tried to walk far away, without carrying anything
Meeting you that day remains a treasure to me even now

记事本

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmWfLEKVZrk

翻开随身携带的记事本
写着许多事都是关于你
你讨厌被冷落
习惯被守候
寂寞才找我

我看见自己写下的心情
把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久
想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么

爱的痛了
痛的哭了
哭的累了
日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药
它反覆骗着我

爱的痛了
痛的哭了
哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Gold, Ultra Soul

even if you feel like packing your bags and leave, the moment the whistle has blown, you have to see it right till the end, to the final whistle. no matter what.

no matter how many knocks you take, no matter how many goals you concede, as long as you are still on the field, you have to play till the end.

dignity, elegance, poise, even in defeat.

your only redemption is on the pitch.

B'z Gold and Ultra Soul, from that Music Station Super Live of so long ago, 2001 i think, but i will always remember. i am thankful to have found it here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBTC7tzI9oM

Dare yori ichi-ban, watashi ga
Anata wo saigo made mitotokeyo

more than anyone else, i will focus and watch you until the last moment.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

opposites

consider the following pairs:

light and darkness
truth and lie
right and wrong
war and peace
reason and irrationality
many concepts would not be what they are without their opposites.
and yet, very often, only a fine line, a fine blurred line exists between a pair.

Monday, July 07, 2008

my 10

having travelled for a little bit, here's my top 10, in no order of merit.

1) Amsterdam Arena
even though the guide was lousy, the people on the same tour were people whom i felt don't understand, it was surreal to be in the stadium i have heard so much about since 2000, when it was one of the most advanced stadiums in the world. just to be standing there in the stands was fantastic. even though the team over the years has changed so much, the pictures and paintings around the stadium bear testimony to the great players and great moments of ajax. and the ajax museum showed the goals of those great european nights, and even those of the national team, most notably that van basten goal of 1988. watching it there sent a chill down my spine.

2) Bremen's Schnoor Viertel
the narrow streets, the cafes, the galleries, the workshops, a place with a distinct atmosphere and life of its own. everything i expected from Amsterdam's Jordaan. to me, the perfect place to chill in the day.

3) Hamburg lunch time
especially at the area around the Nikolai memorial. i felt very moved when i saw the working people sitting and standing around, eating from the stalls that were set up at the open area between the memorial and the overhead bridge. to me, that's the daily life. and that's real.

4) Kia Fan Fest in Hamburg
having beer poured over me and being squashed when germany scored was certainly not enjoyable, but the experience was unforgettable, and probabaly the next best to being at the stadium itself.

5) Barcelona
even though i was mostly alone in Barcelona, i still love it alot, for reasons i couldn't really explain. but Barcelona is a city that just grows on you.

6) evening in Zurich
that evening before i took my night train back to Cologne. the ringing bells of the church, the dark blue of the evening sky, the people by the lake and by the river, the lonely people, the happy people, the slight chill.

7) Bergen's Zupperia Restaurant
Cafe-Restaurant-Bar with nice cosy sofas. the food is good, the atmosphere is good, and lots of stylish girls go there.

8) Wuerzburg Uni
students playin volleyball outside, students sitting around, staring out from that vantage point, students studying in the library, students using the computers in the library to surf Deutsche Bahn's site...things that were denied to us, and would finally be returned to us in a few months' time.

9) Amsterdam's Canals and Stairs
People taking out their cushions to sit on the top of the staircases leading up to their houses by the canals- how envious i am of them!

10) Madrid's Plaza Mayor
you will know what i mean when you walk through one of the calles to get to it, and stand right in the middle, bathed in the warmth of the evening sun.