more on originality
maybe we are obsessed with the idea of originality because we are concerned with "being first". not that being first is not a good thing, but it isn't everything. if you are first but it doesn't last, then maybe it's meaningless. nowadays r&d seem to stand for reconstruct and duplicate. reverse engineering. this further seems to undermine the case for being first. after all, if u come up with an idea, someone takes it apart and improves upon it, u stand to lose out. this is what i mean by being first, but it doesnt last. first but not last. of course i don't mean to say that we should then all sit and wait for an idea to come along and take it apart. it is two-pronged. firstly reverse engineering can only take you so far. do u tink china can continue what they are doing now years down the road and hope to be relevant? japan has moved on from reverse engineering to being at the forefront of the tech race. after some time, you have to look for something more. it's just like discipline, u need it at first, but after a while, it should be in u, in the basics, and u need something more, like spontaneity. and ip rights are hence very impt in ensuring pple feel a need to keep thinking. its quite logical actually, how it functions. the 2nd reason is that being first doesnt mean u cant be the last. u can take the idea from cradle to grave. not every idea will be stolen if u are careful and good enuff. or u can somehow rope in those pple to be on ur side.

so if u ask me, being first is important, but being the last is maybe more important, at least till the pt the idea cease to be brilliant, or cease to be further-improvable, if there is such a point. in any case, we must be aware of when ideas reach sell-by date, so we can move on.

Silence
silence is underrated. if you don't know what to say, it is better to keep quiet than say something uncalled for, which might change proceedings against your favour. and silence is very important in keeping your cards close to yourself. i think the most zai people are those who talk only when necessary. at other times, they let otehrs talk and observe the proceedings, then make their moves. that is brilliance. and you need not explain urself all the time. keeping your cards close to u is good. u r in control. haven u heard before, empty vessels make the most noise.

more on imperfect knowledge
it is basically a very important bonus, if you are the holder of it, in the light, not in the dark. if everyone knows ur trick, den u have no edge anymore. the worst thing is when someone else reveals it to everyone else, so u become no different from everyone else. an experience made me realise how those oli and monopolies must have felt abt the regulators. but of cos i am not saying comp is no good, u need a degree of competition, mixed with some allowance for imperfect knowledge. moreover, we dun want to be carbon copies of each other, do we?

i am reading the world is flat by thomas friedman. it is a very brilliant book, i must admit. i find his argument very compelling. which is very dangerous of course, if i stop thinking and analysing what he says and accept everything without discern. so basically the book bombards me with a lot of ideas. versatilist vs specialist vs generalist and the concept of the Swiss Army Knife etc etc. "in china today, bill gates is britney spears. in america today, britney spears is britney spears- and that is our problem." this is one line which stood out for me.

in it, he debates the merits of an education in science. and the above line which i copied out is something i would like to discuss about of course. i feel that that particular line is sort of an exaggeration. i mean i think it would be very sad if our lives onli revolve around our work. and of cos u need pple trained in science to improve ur lives, but u need pple trained in teh arts to provide the aesthetic aspect of ur lives. and ultimately u need pple trained in both areas lar. u have an idea but dunno how to sell it, what good is the idea? and though i say that line is exaggerated in that surely we can and ought to have pple we admire in the (i would say) entertainment sector. or our lives would be SO boring. ok, that is from my pt of view, someone who needs the entertainment world lar, some pple may not need it.
but that line is still very powerful, if u read between it and think abt its implicit meaning lar( what i said above, had clearly not reflected its implicit meaning). the young pple in the usa and mebbe the developed world are more concerned abt enjoying themselves. the ambition gap friedman talked abt. that is the danger now.

so the final say: balance, people, balance! work hard and play hard. have two idols: bill gates and britney spears.

about corporate idols
i think it is very disappointing, the livedoor saga. i think horie has let a lot of pple down, including urs truly. budden again, in our haste to embrace a new swashbuckling hero, we seem to forget that some aspects of the old japan is still good and relevant. this is indeed a wakeup call to us.
so i guess ultimately we are still grappling with the old and new. like Saigo. now i realise how apt that i was reading that book.

instinctive thinking
i think the key to this is that your thinking must be done fast and beforehand. like even before u get the ball, u noe how u r going to play it. its like snap, u get it and u play it. so fast, so instanteneous, that its almost instinctive. the magic i talked about last time. this is it. this isnt easy though, let me warn u. it requires alot of awareness. and u need a certain level of technical competence. and ur mind need to be quick. and u need to be decisive.
take this out of the field, and this is still relevant, still can be applied outside football. this is instinctive thinking for you.

going in again soon. nakata purports to break out in rashes when he's in japan. i think it applies to me too. but for me, japan is a much better alternative, stifling as it may be, after all it is more like a novelty to me. theres stuff to look forward to.

anyway Otsuka Ai's 5:09 a.m. is really damn nice. but its so short! less than 3 minutes! the lyrics are very poetic. cherish got this robotic tune like very mechanical liddat. when i heard it i immediately think: "sheena ringo!" but cherish's lyrics are also very nice. always together also. and planetarium's pv is very cool.

i am still analysing mr children's sign. its sort of a song that just flows along, dun really have any high points. its like a relationship that stays stagnant. a journey with little ups and downs. just flows tru. the lyrics is sort of liddat too. i guess this is its brilliance. and of cos how much it reminds me of us.

OTSUKA AI

wow. i thought she's another of those pop stars, those idol kind. but she actually writes her own songs and plays the piano since 4. and the reason why i am talking about her now is because her songs are nice. Cherish, Planetarium, 5.09 a.m., Always Together are damn nice.

more about planetarium
it was voted somewhere as the love song of 2005. there is also alot of talk about it bearing an uncanny resemblance to suteki da ne, the theme song of ffx. when i first heard planetarium, i thought it sounded familiar too, then when i read all that discussion, i realised: yes it sounded familiar because it reminded me of a song and that song is none other than suteki da ne. after listening to it a few more times, i realise that actually, it onli reminds you of suteki, but it doesnt sound like suteki. the feel is the same lar, but the melodies are different. for a start, the intro are so different. and the chorus, the main point of contention, upon closer and more careful listening, are actually not as similar as first thought. so otsuka fans should be relieved: planetarium is original as it is. and a brilliant work as well.

more on plagiarism
can we truly say our ideas are 100% original? how do we know if somewhere else in the world, someone is thinking along the same lines as us? what if both you and i somehow have this brilliant idea but i publish it first. what if this idea has been around for a while, and i despite the wonderful interconnectivity of the world, fail to hear about it and "come up with it myself"? can that be counted as originality, after all i didnt hear about it before! i thought i was first!
so, i still wonder: what does originality mean?

by the way, as much as planetarium is brilliant, i feel that it isn't the love song of 2005 for me. the accolades go to either Ai's Story or Mr Children's Sign

Sign stood out for its lyrics.

yui's tokyo's mv is very very nice. got that kind of drama feeling. and there are scenes when she just look out over her balcony. those scenes are so familiar. it is simple but good.

some songs do generate similar feelings. like i for you and symphonie have that same feeling. maybe thats the case for planetarium and suteki da ne as well.

i finally finished the Saigo book. Saigo was a man caught in transition, caught between old and new; tradition and modernity; pragmatism and idealism. he was a man who tried to reconcile these contradictions but failed. "but he failed with such singularity of purpose, self awareness and equanimity that, as Eto observed, his failure was as compelling as any victory."

you don't understand what i want;
i don't understand what you want.
sometimes i just don't know what to say.
the irony of it all.

i am trying to get out of it.
not that i didn't try.
but sometimes, once and you know
impossible.
maybe it's cos of your shadow
hanging over.

i am said to be patient;
but that's only because,
as i say repeatedly
no one else has come along.

yet, i don't really want
anyone else to.
though i am abit numb
from all these.

maybe someone will pull me out of this quagmire soon.

though i espouse the concept of the thinking player, i know better than anyone else that sometimes, the more you think, the worst it gets, because your initial conviction becomes shaky, hesitation and doubt start to creep in.

this phenomenon led to the transformation of " i know she's the one" to "maybe".

so we are back to square one.

A: we are drifting apart
B: but that only means we will meet up on the other side of the world.

maybe we are still as apart as before.

i am still struggling with a few questions.

religion
no offence intended, but some christians' zeal in encouraging people to come to their churches can be quite irritating at times, and leads me to question their faith, because sometimes it seems as though their faith has been reduced to a superficial level, based on the way they promote it. coming from a free thinker, one may think: what do you know about religion. actually not alot, but it doesnt mean to say i dont believe there exists some higher being. in fact i do. and my heart is a church. it is just that my faith cant be classified as buddhism, islam or christianity. it is sort of an amalgam of all. thus i urge that people do take time to think: what does their faith mean to them. actually this isn't the question i have. but i thought i would just say it anyway.

the real question occured to me after i read this short story by bertoldt brecht. its german lar. in it, theres this guy and a flood. as the water level rose steadily, he kept praying that some boat would come and rescue him. when the water level rose so high that if it had risen any higher, he would have drowned, he started to swim and realise that he himself was a boat. the significance of it all: brecht was an atheist. he was criticising people for banking too much on their faith, and neglecting the fact that we are actually empowered to decide our own fates and do not have to leave it to someone up in the heavens.

i found his case compelling. yet i know that i pray alot for divine intervention. so herein lies my internal struggle. do we need god?

Reason vs Instinct
which serves as a better guide? one is the mind, the otehr is the heart. i am more inclined to go with instinct. sometimes i feel that the more we think, the more clouded we become. or the more hesitant we become. yet soemtimes we need to think. i guess the answer is: it depends. sometimes we think, soemtimes we feel.

in attempting to answer these 2 questions, i realise that there is no 100 percent in this world. not just based on these 2 questions of course. i mean look around you. what is 100 percent? what exactly is it. people say they put in their effort, 100 percent. yet, how did they measure it? let's assume that there is indeed 100 percent effort. so it means my statement is wrong isnt it? yet this alone proves that my statement is correct. that the statement is not 100 percent correct, is also testament to the idea that there is no 100 percent in this world.

more on 100 percent effort.
perfection, is when you can look at your mate in the eye, knowing that there was nothing more that you could have done. this came from friday night lights. i cant agree more.
yet i know you can never be fast enough. this statement alone shows that there is always more that you can do.
the irony of it.

more on friday night lights. it has affected me alot.
whenever i think or say: i am 18 (or 19 for the matter), the thot that immediately followed was: i don't feel 18/19 ala Mike Winchell in friday night lights. it happened again yest. loof is a nice place to chill, though the drinks sort of sucks.

i feel old. i know i can never go back to the past. in fact i know my life has changed the moment i went for those interviews etc in shirts. i mean that is just one aspect of course. but it is a sign, nevertheless.

it's like sometimes u have so much thing to say, so much feelings about it, but when the moment comes, you just feel numb.

i was looking forward to eating. but when faced with the choices, i just feel numb. like no more feelings. and by nature i am someone who classifies 90percent of things as ok, 5 as superb and 5 disgusting. so that sort of aggravates the problem of not being able to make choices. not that i am a poor decision maker, i feel that mostly i am decisive, but when it comes to such stuff, i am just ok with anything.

10 songs
Glamorous Sky nakashima mika
Sign mr children
Yume no Chikara aya ueto
Missing You fly to the sky
Ai no Tameni aya ueto
Story ai
Hana orange range
Long Road w-inds
Tsuki no Shizuka rui
Endless Story ito yuna

Sign is a funny song. i din like it at first, when i was watching orange days. then slowly, it grows on me. i feel a weird sensation of being moved by it. maybe because i can identify with parts of it.

i am reading The Last Samurai: the life and battles of Saigo Takamori.

from the book, the teachings of Sato Issai(who inspired Saigo):
man's soul is like the sun, but ambition, pride, malice and covetousness obscure it like low-hanging clouds and it becomes unclear where the spirit lies.
therefore cultivating sincerity is the best way to dispel the clouds and greet a clear day.

the sage is at peace with death, the learned man understands death and the common man fears death.

quite interesting. i think i will spend my money on books and food and save the rest.

biographies are quite nice to read, cos they give u insights and teach u some stuff too. i want to read the book about wenger and arsenal's unbeaten season.
but first i guess i have to finish thomas friedman's "the world is flat". almost forgot about it.

nevertheless, learning should not just be from books but also from experience.

as the movie Go says: go out see the world, then make your choice.

and i also want to remember my past. regain some parts of my past.

it was just like the past today.
it was like starting over again.
hajimemashite dozo yoroshiku.

in there, you have to be a thinking player.

out here, you have to do something to keep the rest of your brains. or they will fade off. i am beginning to feel the effects.

mr children's sign is dedicated to you, to us.

was on the train home just now. saw a girl. think i saw her at marina square before, on new years eve. maybe thats fate. but the girl she was wif on new years eve is prettier lar.

it was everything to me, 3, maybe 4 years ago.

i thought it was the kind of life for me.

i have been there, done that.

and i realised how wrong i was.

of course i appreciate what it has taught me.

but that's it.

i am looking for something more now.

not this.

so i don't see what the fuss is about.

why everyone's like so excited.

amazing.

i guess i am one step ahead.

regret

happy birthday to your mother.

it is today right?

i realise i still think of you.

on the third night, i actually dreamt.

when i woke up, i thought you were there.

actually i wanted to tell you to say happy birthday to your mother on my behalf, when i called you last night.

but somehow, the words couldn't come out.

actually it is always like this.

i have alot to say to you.

but the words just don't come out.

so i say i prefer to hear your voice, hear you speak.

i am sorry it turned out like that. 4th Jan.

i was trying to commit myself to turn away.

but now i realise i couldnt.

let's start over again.

and someone told me i talk about you alot here.
maybe.
must be.

i wrote this on 30th December 2005. Might be abit lag in putting it here.

The Past Two Years

They say two years is a long time. Looking back, two years have just flashed by. Maybe it isn’t such a long time after all. It is the 30th today, a Friday. When the weekend is over, I know this chapter is closed for good. We can never go back to this time again. So, I want to put down in words my thoughts about the past two years, and my thoughts towards the future.

The 10 most significant things
1. 28/12/2005- NP Camp 2005
Basically what happened was that we got invited back for the campfire. The 24th Batch NCO Council. I guess you can say that it’s our last meaningful campfire in that the next time we go back to the unit, we probably won’t know anybody. And you know you are getting old when the current NCOs were your Sec1 cadets when you were back in Sec 4. We are all moving on, and it’s nice to be back once in a while, even though the school has changed so much. So has the unit.
What stood out for me on this day was what we did immediately after the campfire. Heng Qing, Wen Kai, Samuel, Kenneth, Loke, Yi Jun, Poh Shin, Edwin and me. We stood in a circle, hands on our hearts and sang the school song, followed by the unit cheer. I don’t know what the rest of us were thinking, but for me, I knew immense pride was surging in me. After that, I realized that the people around us were standing and looking at us. My first reaction was to mentally challenge the C.Is of the other schools in Area 4: Can you feel it? Looking back, I realized that what was more important was for those juniors whom we do not even know to see it, see the pride, see what CHSNPCC means to us. Or they would just slip into obscurity, having only seen mediocrity, never superiority. That, is how much we have declined. What the 9 of us did was to put some pride back into our unit. In the not that distant past, we were the kings in Area 4. Others look at us in awe. Not anymore, after we left. We were the last of that proud tradition. We need to have that arrogance again. The right to have that arrogance.

After that, it was Ghost Walk. We walked around the school and realized that it was potentially scarier than before, with all the statues around. It was largely uneventful, thank God, and we retreated to the Staff Lounge, where we lounged around and helped ourselves to the coffee-maker. We waited for PS and Loke to join us for supper. YJ felt feverish and slept. Before supper though, we talked to the Chairman. In every way, he is the unwilling Chairman. Someone who can play, but doesn’t want to. I asked him what does NP mean to him. He told me: something that is ongoing. Only that? Only that? There is something special in him, no doubt about it. He told me that sometimes he is convinced by himself. I told him: sometimes is not enough; it has to be all the time. I don’t know him at all. It was the first time I saw him anyway. But my parting shot was: Be the man they say you were going to be.

After that was supper and we went back at around 4. While the rest slept, WK, Edwin and I used TM sir’s laptop to check EPL scores and look at MVs. Then I went to lie down a while and fell asleep. Then at don’t know what time, I guess it was around 6, some cadet got into the lounge and was asking WK what to do as the NCOs hadn’t woken up yet, were nowhere to be found and that it was time for PT. I jumped up immediately, but realized that I wasn’t an NCO anymore and went back to sleep for a while more.

After that, I learnt that Edwin and Wen Kai had taken them for PT and scolded the NCOs. And I was heartened by it. Because each of us still cares, in our own way, even though we have all left the unit.

There was a serious discussion before and during supper, with regard to our decline. I know as a squad, we are too good to be true. We are near perfect. So maybe we cannot be used as comparison. But that was never my intention. In fact, I have always felt that while we were good, we were only good in that we were clearly better than the rest, but compared to our predecessors, we were still lacking. I felt that the squads after us have changed in their manner of upbringing. Times have changed, and that is the root cause of our decline. In that respect, there was nothing more we could have done. So, maybe we should stop being so harsh with ourselves.

I guess when we look back, we would smile.

2. Orange Days
It couldn’t be more apt that one of the dramas I watched in the closing days of the year, of my JC life( I consider it to end only on 31st December) should be one along a similar line. Orange Days spurred me to look back on the past two years, as the days slip by.
“We will be entering society as adults. We may still meet now and then to drink, but we would all be busy with our own stuff.”
And Sae was messaging Kai about her complaints. To every message, his reply was a simple “yeah”. Then she asked: Do you only know how to say that? His reply was: I don’t know what to say, but I am listening. I find it very useful.

3. Advent Children
I didn’t watch many movies in 2005. This is the best of them, even though it might be an animated film. What stood out for me was Cloud’s emotional battle. Refer to the very first entry in the blog. Kotae wa kaze no naka( the answer is in the wind) is also very useful.

4. My Family
I know I am not the most filial of sons. I regret that. But I am thankful for my family’s support through everything I seek out to do. Relative to other people, my parents are less rigid and strict. I really appreciate that, although of course, they can be even less so. But just as we can never be fast enough; we can always be faster, it is not really relevant. And I am thankful that my grandmother’s house is like a sanctuary where I can recuperate.

5. My friends
Kwan said: in your life, nobody’s relationship with you will remain constant, at the same status throughout. How true. I am thankful to my friends who have been there, and I hope I have been a good friend. I tried to be. And even though towards the end I like to say that it doesn’t matter, that I am jaded, I know it won’t turn out like that. Just like NP. I will still care. Even if Kwan’s prophecy comes true.

6. My Idealism
Even though towards the end, I keep harping on flexibility and how I want to change the way I do things (which don’t seem to have the desired effect and contribute to my jadedness), both of which reeking of pragmatism, I am still an Idealist at heart. There are just some things which I will not give up on. My idealism has kept me going. This is how the world should be.

7. Ms Ho
Thank you. I am sorry.

8.Soccer and Running
They helped to keep me sane, as always. And you know most of my analogies have got to do with soccer anyway.

9. My MP3 Player and my discman, before it got stolen.
Without them, I don’t think I could have survived walks, bus and MRT rides. Even if it means shutting myself to the world.

10. Germany Trip
I think it opened my world. Some dreams should never end.

11 things I wish for/ want to tell myself for the year 2006
1.No more frills in securing the scholarship: results ok, sat ok (best is don’t need to take), come out of army unscathed, everything ok.
2.You have to think. Think more and keep thinking. Be the thinking player.
3.Never lose sight of your ideals, at least those that are still meaningful.
4.Learn to love again. The past two years, I haven’t gotten to love something afresh. What I love are all that I have been loving all this while. I need to learn how to start to love something again.
5.Holland to win the World Cup. Ajax, Arsenal and Valencia to dominate the game again.
6.Treasure what I already have more.
7.Information is still King.
8.Keep your temper under check. Anger clouds judgement.
9.Do not forget the teachings of the Book of Five Rings. Bide your time, when the enemy’s rhythm wavers, charge in whole-heartedly with spirit, and victory is yours.
10. Even something with a probability of 0.000000000000001 of happening can happen.
11.Never expose your weakness.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

what a way to kick off the new year

NEMURENAI YO (they don't sleep)
this is one of the verse of nakashima mika's song glamourous sky. technically it isnt mika's, but nana's. or more specifically, nana osaki's. confused? ok NANA is basically this manga about two girls, nana osaki and nana komatsu. it has been made into a movie starring nakashima as osaki and aoi miyazaki as komatsu. and osaki nana is a rockstar-wannabe. i watched the performance of this song glamourous sky in the movie. IT WAS SUPERB. and this part nemurenai yo IS SO GOOD! it was so packed with emotion, there was this sheer belief, sheer conviction in it. it just explodes within you.

AYA UETO
i am currently still downloading the music station live. but i managed to get the clip of aya uetos performance first. she sang yume no chikara(power of dreams). so sometimes i am found staring at the screen. like in a trance. well, shes aya ueto after all. SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE THAT YOU CAN PINCH! i like this song alot. the lyrics are meaningful and the song is explosive. its abt not giving up, wanting to make dreams come true, wanting to have value in ur life. akirame nai= never give up.

and did i mention that aya is so elegant in that white dress?????
thats what i call "style me to death"

pearlyn said aya din take part in kouhaku. the red team(ladies) lost. NO WONDER

About growing up

what does it mean to grow up? recently, i started thinking about it.
is it about paying adult fare?(ok it really hurts. more on that later)
is it doing adult stuff? like indulge in smoking, alcohol, sex. does clubbing make you more adult? is clubbing the adult way of having fun? the only way? is knowing how to havoc the only way to have fun? what does "having a life" mean?
i can't hold back anymore. i must say what i think and close it once and for all.
first of all, i don't believe that i grow up because i club( i don't, incidentally. but its more because i don't want to show my weakness, that i cant dance for nuts, rahter than cause i hate it or wad.) but ja, even if i can dance like shi wei, i still wun think i am more adult jsut because i club.
growing up is not about that.
growing up is about knowing yourself. what you want to do with your life. no doubt if u believe you want to club all ur nights away, go ahead. tts ur choice. tts ur way of growing up. but it isnt the only way.
was talking to weijun. he clubs, and he said its overrated. no doubt u see more pple there, u can learn something of the world outside via it. but tts if u talk to them or observe them lar. which i believe you can do elsewhere too.
last december i was busy with the interviews for edb. i met alot of pple. i felt that i have become more confident of myself after the whole thing. and i think thats growing up. and i talked to adults, working adults, heard what they have to say, and i think i learnt something from there. thats growing up.

i dun see wad the fuss is about clubbing, havocing and growing up. went to teh countdown, pple were spraying each other. there was this group of youngsters who literally attacked a foreign worker, pounced on him, hit his head with the can and sprayedhim. thats havoc, if u ask me. and u tell me they are grown up? thats not even a mature way of having fun, if u ask me.
so whats a mature way of having fun? indulge in sex? alcohol? u gotta be kidding.
i drink alot, relative to my age. its something not many pple know about. i collect beer cans which are nicely designed. and i do have quite abit. and i am proud of that. but does drinking make me more adult? i dont think so. what makes me feel grown up, is the interaction i have wif pple, is what i learn about myself and the world around me through such interaction and observation. thats growin up. someone who drinks himself drunk. u call that grown up? even though i drink alot, i noe wads called control. not jsut cos i am sensible, but ebcause my grandfather died of some liver stuff. he was a heavy drinker. so i know i wun abuse my body in that way. btw i will still drink cos i like beer(not all) and japanese sake. its my absolute fave. but so ex...

u dun grow up just because you dance. u dun grow up just because you drink. u dun grow up just because u make out. i dunno wads an adult way of having fun( it differs from person to person). but i can tell u even if u noe how to have fun in an adult way but outside that u behave like a kid. u r still a kid. i went back for the np camp, and tm sir was saying: sometimes we talk to the ncos, cadets and tell them where they are wrong, but we neglect considering: they are what, 15? 16? can we expect them to know what we know at 18, 24, or 30?

it left me thinking. it is those experiences in life that we have, that make us grown up. having fun is maybe just one aspect.

PEOPLE, grow up. think. think of the big picture. focus on the crux of the issue.
in our hurry to grow up, let's not lose ourselves in the chaos of the adult world.

and adult fare is very pricey. as me wj and pradeep and junyi found out yest, while going home from yeelengs. ouch! but thats what it is.

by the way
i am leaving. talked to van, wj. lets not kid ourselves anymore. that was a farewell gift.

goodbye

happy new year.

so, time just slipped by. unknowingly, 2005 left and 2006 arrived. went for the countdown at esplanade wif interact pple. the fireworks were breathtaking, very nice. but i thought it was abit of a letdown in the sense that there wasnt really any countdown. and teh fireworks seemed to have started 2 minutes before 12. dun tell me that was the plan..

after that, i went to yeelengs hse. played mahjong till 7 liddat den went for breakfast. back home at 10plus.

while watching the fireworks, while playing mahjong, i was wondering what i was doing.
you see, sometimes even i don't know what i am doing.
it was very apt that 933 just played hou xiang ting's qiu tian bie lai. i guess that was the song i was looking for to describe my feeling.

其实我也开始想调整自己 只是谁能帮帮我闭上眼睛不看见你 我也想忘了你 在秋天来临之前不再想你 秋天别来 秋天别来 我还没忘了你...