things to look forward to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6ux0amJyR4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz-VeDiS7yw
Nana 2 is coming out real soon in japan. the final roadshow is scheduled for 9 dec.
anyway yui ichikawa as nana komatsu is abit weird. i do think she's living in the shadows of aoi miyazaki. from some angles, she does look like miyazaki. from some angles, she look quite unchio.

other than this change, there are two more changes: kyou nobuo as honjou ren and hongo kanata as shin. hongo kanata is only 16?!?! this change oso means that there will be no more L. kenichi matsuyama, i cant even recognise him as the shin in death note. at least he's still L in death note 2. cant do without him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrhNMrUW8Fc
Death Note 2: the last name

and then, there's this animated feature film coming out in spring. i think it's very beautifully done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7u2k0tDNDs
byousoku 5 centimeters

photos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63t8a8cwwJc
liang jing ru's wo hai ji de mv
i think it's very nice. the overall feeling. especially the part at the railway. maybe when you have been there before, or been to a similar place, seen a similar thing, you can relate to it better. but i do like the feel of the mv, the imagery and all.

ru guo you yi tian's mv isnt as nice, which is a pity, because i thought the way the song went, there's a lot of potential to work with for the mv.
现在也只能欣赏 唯一的合照一张

你是不是也在品尝 一个人的咖啡和天光
是不是也忽然察觉到 多出时间看天色的变换

some of the nicest lines involve photos, which i think are quite powerful symbols.

from jie kou
翻着我们的照片 想念若隐若现 去年的冬天 我们笑得很甜

back to the rail thingy. i lost a photo i took near kamakura. i can still remember vividly though.

it's this railway track behind a couple of houses. and there was a train approaching as well. that's just it. but when i replay that scene over and over, i think it's a very special feeling. simple, but wonderful.

indescribable.

hitori

there's a song from that golden age of jpop which i like alot, but somehow, never possessed the mp3.

that song is gospellers' hitori
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThaBFTvLTqo

can't seem to find their live version. i thought they are damn good with the acapella and stuff.

anyway, the reason why i suddenly went to search for hitori was cos i was watching them sing with ayaka her i believe, which gets nicer and nicer.

rivalry

i have a question.

why do people hate arsenal?

i have thought alot about it.

i can't come up with any convincing reason.

so why don't you tell me?

***

do we understand the great rivalries?

we who live so far away, who were not even born when the great rivalry took seed. do we understand? do we need to embrace it in order to call ourselves true supporters? do we make ourselves believe we hate the great rival? do we truly understand what it is all about? if we don't believe it, does it make us any less loyal?

as an ajax fan, i don't really hate feyenoord. i don't hate psv either.

as an arsenal fan, i don't hate spurs.

maybe it's because i believe that we just have to concentrate on our own football.

let football do the talking.

if our great rivals play us and play better than us, i think i can accept and give them the credit.
because i think i know great football when i see it.

and you know me, i think i am very quick to criticise my own team. just observe me when i watch alone, not with people. so i think i am not that biased.

except when it comes to chelsea.

so i don't really know what's with all that hatred, especially when we are certainly very capable of playing great football.

don't hate for the sake of hating. arsenal is not about hating spurs, but about our own brand of football.

the irony of it all

i think many times, when something nice happens, we look up in the sky and thank whoever is up there for his grace.

like when we are thrown into a precarious situation, and through some sort of divine intervention, manage to salvage it. we believe it's all due to him.

true, he did helped.

but have you ever wonder why you are in that sort of situation in the first place?

it seems as if he puts you in there, then saves you, and you thank him for it.

get the picture?

he is making you reliant on him; it's like a drug.

he need not have saved you, because you could have not needed any saving at all. it was unnecessary.

but he still does it.

why?

welcome to hell

in the space of 24 hours, my world crashed.

dealing with 4 out of 4 defeats was bad enough.

the bad patch should be over.

i always believe that if everything goes wrong today,

nothing can go wrong tomorrow.

but i guess i am terribly wrong.

nothing went right since saturday.

and in that last 24 hours,

we reached a new low.

welcome to hell.

a few things i learnt today.

1.playing with A turns your brain into mush.
i think mine hasnt. but i need to be careful. it's a warning to me.

2. any A member's call is like a call from hell. only brings shit. nothing else.

3. A needs english lessons desperately.

4. we don't have an understanding at all. so i think there is no point in this relationship. i think there's no point in talking to A.

5. A likes to spoil my plans.

6. A don't give a damn about you. or anybody else.

7.people don't really believe that A can defend us. thank god. cos i think the very idea is so ridiculous.

just one last question: you pay them so much for what?

the un-team

if i have to play in a team like this,

i rather you take me out.

i would gladly play 1 on 11.

i will take on the whole lot of them by myself.

either you need english lessons, or i need engrish lessons. engrish. take note: engrish.

get it? engrish. i am trying to put you down, if it still isn't clear enough.

blaming culture

oops, they did it again.

i know everyone's got something.

but i am not really looking at that.

you see, sometimes a goal is conceded because of a much earlier mistake. a mistake that could have happened as high up as in the attacking third.

what do i mean?

a careless square ball in the attacking third gets intercepted. the opposition immediately launch a very quick counterattack that totally split your backpedalling defence apart. then goal!

where was the mistake? the defence not fast enough in backtracking? the defenders' positioning?

no. the mistake was that sloppy pass. borne out of the lack of awareness, or simply a wrong decision.

so if we watch the video replay of the goal, if they show, as they sometimes do, teh view from the top, such that you can see the entire field, you will, in explaining what went wrong to your team, pause the video at the moment the ball was intercepted. and you circle it.

it's really very simple.

but people do not see the simple things.

amazingly, i thought if we see it from the top, it would be much easier to see this simple thing.

but as always, and always, and always, they love to prove me wrong.

so you see the mistake now? i am questioning that decision.

why did u square the bloody ball?

*btw, this is really not blaming culture, tryin to point the finger and accuse someone. tryin to shift the blame to someone or wad. tryin to do everything else but solve the problem.

no, no.

i don't need to try to find a scapegoat or what. that's blaming culture. i am telling you straight your decision was stupid. it's to help you learn!(that's the difference. your blaming culture doesnt encompass this learning aspect)

and another reason why this is not blaming culture is because instead of what you always do, i am doing something about it, after pointing out where you went wrong.

i am going to do it anyway. (but more because i ahve no other choice. so my options are limited)

you, you will blame and don't do what needs to be done, and pick the wrong option again out of the various possibilities.

so, we can conclude that the essence of blaming culture is as follows:
-look everywhere but at the main point
-looking, not for the sake of teaching
-looking for the sake of finding someone to claim the shit, not to clear it
-not solving the problem

songs for 2007

As 2007 approaches, if I ever have to choose, I will save these 20 songs to bring into the new year.

1. Glamorous Sky nakashima mika
A whole year has passed since this song found itself in my world. And amazingly, every time I listen to my mp3, I must listen to it. It says so much about how much I love it. It’s just so restless. And at the same time, I understood why nana(aoi miyazaki, not mika) said she was very moved by this song. Both the original and the acoustic versions please.
“nemurenaiyo! (they don’t sleep!)”

2. Endless Story yuna ito
I can’t get enough of this song either. It’s a cover of some old English song, I think. When I hear it, I just think of the part in Nana, when nana jumped off the train, and that line: in the beginning of spring, when there was still snow, our relationship ended. Because that scene was in the middle of trapnest’s performance of endless story. Just listen to it.
“it’s so hard to say I am sorry”

3. Precious yuna ito
I was very moved by this song. And when it comes on at the end of umizaru 2, it’s so magical. It’s the perfect song for umizaru 2. Soothing, yet powerful. And the lyrics are super. And in a way, I think it reflects my feelings.
“I promise you, I won’t be lost anymore.”

4. Amaenbo otsuka ai
I think it’s a very sweet song, with a sweet melody and sweet lyrics. Very simple but very, very sweet.
“hug me even tighter, don't ever let go”
5. Mikazuki ayaka
I think it’s a very beautiful song. Just tugs at your heart. The way she sings it seems to pull your heart apart. That is the feeling I get. I think you just get sucked into the melody.
“even in the nights without you like that, no more cry. I won’t cry anymore.”

6. Michishirube~ the road home orange range
I always feel inspired when I hear this song. It’s about dreams and ideals. Being true to yourself. And the mv is super nice. Of course there was one guy playing football, in an Arsenal jersey.
“Go! Ways”

7. Konayuki remioromen
I like the live rock feel of this song. I love the starting part, the percussion when it comes on. And the lyrics are very well-written as well. There’s a long of yearning in this song.
“Yet, I found you out of a hundred million people”

8. Cassis gazette
I think it’s a bit like konayuki. The kind of melancholic rock, that’s my own definition of what the song is like. It just moves you along.
“somehow, don’t let go of this hand”

9. 痴心绝对 李圣杰
The lyrics are very, very sad. And the way the chorus turns out is very…emotional. A bit of heart wrenching feeling. Think it’s the beat at the end of each verse. But it was a song that accompanied me for a while a long time ago. I recently rediscovered it, you might say.
“明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会 我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天”

10. Bad Day daniel powter
The first time I heard it was when I saw the mv on channel 51. And I got hooked. A very simple song, but yet so meaningful. I think it cheated, because I love the mv a lot. So the mv must have played a big part in etching this song in my memory. But it happens to everyone, so I guess that’s why it’s easy to relate to.
“Where is the moment when you need it the most?”

11. Sign mr children
The song for Sae and Kai in Orange Days. It’s like the sea that just carries you along, in its slow, somewhat soothing rhythm. The song really reminds me of orange days. The lyrics are kind of touching, about the past, and about how you want to do things again, when you get that second chance. It’s very Kai, I guess.
“We keep repeating ‘thank you’ and ‘I'm sorry’”

12. Sangatsu Kokonoka remioromen
I like the mv a lot. And the melody is quite touching. But it’s not a sad song. It’s more about challenges and facing them. Something like that. About life, I should say. I think remioromen sang it with a lot of heart.
“I stand at the entrance to a new world. And I am not the only one who realizes this.”

13. Denkmal wir sind helden
I got styled by this song. I think Judith sounded a little nonchalant? I feel that the song is very funky. And the lyrics are quite interesting.
“Get the sledgehammer. They built us a monument. Yet every idiot knows that the love is over.”

14. Should I stay dreamz fm
Are they really the dreamz fm I know? When I listen to this song, I get the feeling that you are in a car, driving, speeding and listening to this sad song.
“You played me on, played me like a clown”

15. 胡思乱想 k one and ivy
I think this song is really a bit dreamy, like what the title says. There’s a bit of nonchalance about it as well. And it feels a little like summer. When you just sit in the sun and daydream. I like Ivy’s voice, think it contrasts nicely with the guys. And her voice is a little stylish as well.
“現在你是否和我一樣 懶懶對天空胡思亂想”

16. To Me boo bee benz/ otsuka ai
Personally, I prefer otsuka ai’s live version in the drama Tokyo Friends. I like the lyrics a lot. Very touching and meaningful. About finding yourself, living your dreams. Interestingly, there are different sets of lyrics for the two versions. I think the main idea’s the same though.
“hey, who are you?”

17. Bokura no Te attack all around
I fell in love with this song when I saw their live performance of it. The girls were crying. It was very emotional. They put a lot into it, and it was the last song. The live version is much nicer than the studio one.
“what can I catch with my hand?”

18. Mata Aimashou seamo
It’s a very catchy song. But the lyrics are very, very sad. I was shocked when I saw the lyrics. It just has to be here, by virtue of its lyrics at least. Although I would very much prefer it to be sad melody plus sad lyrics.
“I was really happy (I was really happy too)”

19. Symphonie silbermond
Still the ultimate German song. I still like the feeling about this song. It’s one of two songs from last year’s list. I am beginning to like the starting more and more, when she just starts to sing.
“If we stand here in the rain, with nothing more to give, it’s better to give up.”

20. Hana orange range
The other song from last year. Still has a big part in my life. The lyrics are meaningful, a little flowery, like its title. It’s seriously funky, yet moving.
“why am I here, why are you here, why could I find you, it was fate that I meet you”

ayaka's mikazuki

have you ever heard a song that pulls your heart apart?

lee hom's liu lei shou xin
ai chen's ai shi ru ci bu rong yi
gong shi jia's zai yi ci yong you
boa's waiting
sissel's summer snow

and now ayaka's mikazuki
i think it's a very beautiful song.

live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJR9X_qD2zI&NR
pv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2lrWNHvtzM

she wrote the lyrics herself. in fact she wrote most of the lyrics of her album herself. including that hit i believe.

and you know what? i am wishing she doesnt sing i believe for music station super live.

sing this please.

some mtv special on ayaka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_aReetIxbM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOvcNED834M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZzQ8ORjZIs

otsuka ai, write a song that tears my heart apart

shady backroom deal about the weather

i guess the choice of the word forecast couldnt be more apt.

what's the first word that comes to your mind when you see 'forecast'?

weather.

and what is your impression of 'weather forecast'?

never right except when you want it to be wrong.

anyway, i won't be surprised if there has been some shady backroom deal about this whole thing. you don't know, and will never know what really happened in that smoky backroom.

it reeks of stink.

it's a conspiracy.

manipulation.

and just liddat, they cheated me again.

hey, it's already monday.

when will the rot stop?

music station

aiko- Aqua Timez- ayaka- Arashi- Angela Aki- Ikimono Gakari- Yuna Ito- EXILE- Ai Otsuka- ORANGE RANGE- KAT-TUN- KinKi Kids- GLAY- Koda Kumi- Kobukuro- SEAMO- Shounannokaze- Sukima Switch- Tackey & Tsubasa- DJ OZMA- Teshima Aoi- TOKIO- Mika Nakashima- B’z- V6- BoA- Porno Graffitti- Mr.Children- mihimaru GT- Tomohisa Yamashita- Rip Slyme- Remioromen

tentative lineup for music station super live on 22 december 2006.

other than ayaka(i believe), yuna ito(precious), ai otsuka(renai shashin), orange range(sayonara), seamo(mata aimashou), i don't really know what the otehrs will be singing.

not even nakashima mika.

but i think lookin at the lineup, this year's doesnt sound as exciting as last year's. although bz, glay, remioromen, mr children kobukuro exile are all there.

plan to fail

if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

but pple do plan to fail, without failing to plan. whether its due to inherent incompetence or what, i don't know. but it's a simple job, really. so how much ability do you need? or maybe when we stand on a chair, we don't see the simple things below?

if planning's what you do, and you flop miserably, you are not justifying your monetary receipts. and the worse thing is that you put those who are supposed to trust you in even deeper shit. you think they can trust you after that?

i think you earn too much, and there's an oversupply.

resources should be reallocated. it's really very difficult for some people. and they are doing an important job for you as well.

i am not really talking about the difference between regular, small and large. more about the 'o' levels and others.

don't get me wrong, my stand is still the same: regular v small and large. but i think for the sake of all of us small and large, the things pertainin to the 'o' levels should change abit.

after all, the line between 'o' level and others, i believe, is very thin.

but a ball that's 1 inch too far can mean so much.

outside, beyond what is right and wrong, there exists a vast field.
we will find each other there

-mevlana jelaluddin rumi (13th century)

black sunday

it just had to happen, right?

first, bayern came back from behind to cancel out van der vaart's penalty. we created chances, but lost 2-1.

then we broke our own rhythm to bicker with bolton. it was absolutely childish, immature from us. we should have played our own game from the start.

then i seriously can't understand how we can lose 3-0 to sparta rotterdam. you know where they are? they are in the bottom three.

and then real scored against the run of play. seriously, real madrid, save for that flowing move, were simply mediocre. their passing, their control...it's pure shit. i couldn't believe it was real madrid. and we played really well. the pressing, the passing...incredible. just like that double-winning team.

but when the ball just won't go in, what can you do?

when real scored, the commentator said: there's no justice in football.

it was the first time in a very long while that i watch valencia play, believe it or not. and i thought we played really well. only one team was playing: valencia. it was very positive, watching the game. we did very well, considering our injury list. we coped without villa after he was subbed out so early.

and welcome back, vicente and baraja. finally. please sign, canizares. end your career with us. i tink pepe reina is so much lousier than you. please dun let him come. baraja was so important for us, spreading the ball so well. and vicente showed a bit of his old form. joaquin played well both defensively and offensively. the whole defence, except curro torres, was steady.

and angulo was shit again. or maybe he's just not good enough in the first place. i never believed in him. back then, i could never understood why ranieri played him instead of aimar. and if ranieri still don't understand what he's doing, can you be surprised that he's out of a job now?

we should have won.

and the arsenal game told me that ljungberg's time is up. i mean, i would like him to stay; he has been with us for so long. but his play, has become a liability. it's obvious that when van persie, rosicky, hleb are all around, he's the weakest link. not fast enough, not skilful enough.

and he lost every single ball in the first half. i can't accept that. i know the entire team was playing like shit, but when a senior player plays liddat, it's unacceptable.

ljungberg must accept that he's going to play a reduced role from now on. we certainly hadn't missed him when he was out injured.

i was going to condemn adebayor, but i think he showed abit of hope as the game progressed.

and lehmann, again showed how frustrating he can be.

they just had to complete the rout, to complete my misery.

between heaven and hell

welcome back to dortmound. the score was 1-1. jan sofronie very narrowly volleying over the bar in extra time. that was about the closest we got to a winner. so the champions of europe for 2017 will be decided on penalties.

great tension here.

milan will take the first penalty. matteo natale, scorer of the milan equaliser, will set the tone for the rest of the evening. goal! he sent klompe the wrong way.

low and hard to the left. very well-taken penalty.

he has not missed a single penalty this season. and that record remains intact.

and so, milan has the lead.

corey flannen, the ajax captain is next. he missed a penalty in the dying minutes of last season's semi final against milan, which could have sent ajax through to the final instead. flannen...oh what a good penalty!

curled all the way to the left. exactly the same way he had taken it last season. but this time round, it's in. beyond alvarez. he had no chance at all.

yes, last season he was denied by the post. but no such thing this time round. very good penalty. perfect.

it's a very important psychological boost for ajax. he has buried the ghost of the past with this penalty. and he has to show his young team that they could do it. he has alot of responsibility on his young shoulders. but i think he has done very well. it's up to the rest now, to pick up from where hes left off.

cesare perrata...oh, klompe got a touch to it, but it still trickled in. klompe looks disgusted there. he knows he's almost had it. and perrata looks very happy. a bit of luck there.

fran battaglia is next. sent alvarez the wrong way!

again, another very good penalty. his technique is sublime. the placement, the power, the precision, everything just right.

marco de rossi, european player of the year with the ball. ohhh over the bar! klompe was sent the wrong way, but de rossi's penalty was over the bar. he is disappointed. very very disappointed with his effort. and klompe looks happier.

jan sofronie is next. this is ajax's chance to seize the initiative. sofronie...goal! bottom right. alvarez guessed wrongly again.

again, another penalty whcih went into the bottom corner. very well drilled in. i don't think alvarez would have any chance at all even if he got the direciton right.

the ajax fans have increased their volume. their team are ahead now.

eijkamp, the former ajax hero, now has to put it in the net against his former keeper. goal! what a powerful shot, top left corner. klompe guessed wrongly. but there was no way he would be able to stop it.

the ajax fans are momentarily silenced by their former hero.

tokiwa takuro, the boy genius from japan. OOH what an outrageous penalty. he chipped it into the top left corner. absolutely delightful.

audacious, simply audacious. he stood very close to the ball, and when the whistle was blown, he just waited a while and then so exquisitely lifted it. the ball dipped just under the bar. and alvarez was desperately tryin to reach upwards, but he knew that he was well and truly beaten. no chance at all.

again, the teenager has shown why huysegem was so desperate to bring him to holland.

favio rossini knows that he has to score to keep his team in. rossini...goal! good penalty, low and hard. he has done what he could. milan's fate now rests in ajax's hands.

frederic thiers, 18 years of age, will take the deciding penalty. the expectations of the entire team, of all the ajax fans in the world, rest on his young shoulders. thiers, arms akimbo.

pfft

GOAL!

and ajax, are the kings of europe! it has been a titanic clash. but they have pulled through. and it was down to the wonderkid in the end to score that decisive penalty.

there he is now, on his knees, staring up at the sky. what a special, what a glorious moment for him.

milan are crushed. despondent. the ajax players have surrounded the hero thiers. the celebrations have already begun in the stands, on the pitch. what a night.

two steps, two steps were all he took. he exhaled sharply, then took two steps and drilled it beyond alvarez. calm, composed. he has shown again the big match temperament, the confidence to play at the highest level.

and ajax, are not just the kings of holland, they are also the kings of europe. pieter huysegem has completed the double. in his second full season, he has turned the flagging fortunes of ajax around.

he will be hailed as a hero. they will be hailed as heroes. but for now, i think frederic thiers still can't believe what he has done. he has won it for ajax. the ultimate prize, the holy grail in european club football. champion of champions.
---
that night, when i scored that penalty, i sank to my knees. it was unbelievable. i looked up at the night sky and saw the stars. it was very beautiful. i thought i was in heaven.

and i prayed, i thanked god for giving me the chance to play football.

at that moment, i finally understood why takuro calls the stadium the cathedral. we were between heaven and hell. at that moment, i felt i had touched the gates of heaven. that kind of feeling, is indescribable.

up till today, i still can't forget it.

freedom of choice and responsibility

suppose they take some time off you, and promise to make it up to you. by right, you would be able to choose when to exercise this option. so theoretically, you are better off, because you have the freedom to choose.

but the truth is that more often than not, your choice is still bound by the restrictions and limitations they impose on you. and that's if you even get to exercise your option at all.

moreover, the atmosphere, the feeling of a special occasion can never be recreated again. it might come close, but it will never be the same.
---

today i saw this guy get up from his seat because there was an old lady. but he did not indicate that it was for her. she didnt see it, and another guy went to take the seat.

i think we all have this sense of responsibility. moral obligation. but we just dun want to say it. we just do it, do our part. but if we don't say, they won't know. and they won't benefit. so it all comes to waste.

on the other hand, that guy was sitting on the seat meant for the needy. what if he got up because he felt he had no choice?

or because he rather someone else take that seat and hence that responsibility? passing the burden on.

jens, you made a fantastic double save from one of their free kicks to keep us in the game.

eboue, you were a threat in attack, as always.

philippe, you made a few interceptions to stop their long balls.

kolo, you showed the hunger by going up to support the attack.

gael, your runs gave them trouble.

gilberto, your goal lifted the team and came when we needed it most.

cesc, your touch is, as usual, sublime. you had a wonderful attempt which just clipped the woodwork.

freddie, you were aggressive, and your header was very close as well, hitting the post.

theo, your pace and ball control, absolutely wonderful. they couldn't cope with you.

mathieu, you worked hard, tracked back for the ball.

adebayor, you showed some neat touches and nice movement. and you hit the cross bar. it was a good attempt.

julio, you were very strong in midfield and helped to move the ball along.

aliaksander, you may stumble a bit, but they still can't get the ball off you even as you were slipping.

credit to bolton and nicolas anelka, but we lost to ourselves. we started brightly, having two good chances early on. then we played their game. we went to play their game. we fell right into their ploy. we conceded. and we forgot how to play football after that. they scored again. gilberto's goal gave us hope and woke us up.

in the second half, i saw the arsenal i knew. we woke up and went to play football. our passing was crisp, movement fluid, touches steady, we were aggressive, fouling them, hurting them. we were arsenal again. untouchable arsenal.

i don't know why we were afraid of them, of the reebok. we might not have won there for a while, but in the second half, when i looked in their eyes, i saw fear.

they were afraid of us.

the reason why they resorted to the physical approach was that they were afraid of us. and in the second half, they were reminded of their fear. that fear in them was awoken.

because they couldn't get the ball at all. they were being dominated, hammered and whacked. they knew if we play football, they were going to get thrashed. they were afraid of that. and when it all materialised, their fear resurfaced. they were afraid of an arsenal without thierry henry and robin van persie.

why are we afraid of a team that's afraid of us?

and i ask myself: do i have to ask if you want it enough every fortnight? if i have to, we would have lost the title already, because we would have dropped too many points, if we haven't already done so.

what's the point of beating manchester united and liverpool if we lose to west ham, bolton, and get held to draws by everton and newcastle? and why aren't we winning in the first place? they aren't better than man utd, liverpool or hamburg, are they?

the gap might become 15 points by the end of today. no team has ever came back from such a large margin. but there's always a first. i still believe we can win. my question is: do you?

we are in a crisis. during the game, i felt as though the gods of football have abandoned us. they seemed as though they have never been with us. we played very well but don't win. others play crap but win. others play well and win, never going through our agony.

and it's during this time, when i think that, much as i still believe in it, maybe it's ok to forget about trophies and money for a while. as long as we stay together, and believe in our football, then everything else can be put on hold for this season.

there are many different ways to heaven. we have chosen this path. but it doesn't mean others were wrong. but if we have chosen this path, let us take it all the way.

make the emirates stadium our cathedral to stylish, attacking football. even as we travel, to spread our brand of football to others, in their own monuments to football.

let us be inspired. let us inspire.

may the gods of football be with us.

so, there's no turning back, child. embrace your destiny. step forth into the unknown with bold steps. take your place in the hallowed grounds of the cathedral. revel in that sacred moment.

even though you never listen, shut your eyes for once, and feel, hear.

you are not alone.

he read it again and again, his eyes following the characters written by his grandmother. her hands must have had trembled as she wrote it on her deathbed. but at the same time, her handwriting embodied an elegance that reflected the dignity with which she had confronted her illness and death itself.

reading it, he knew for sure he was going to amsterdam.

*wrote this because i got a msg fr wk, and my first thought was: so, there's no turning back. and the rest just came out.

sayonara

music station version
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoDYtwMOgFg

pv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXik3mPzDs

orange range's latest song sayonara. ok it has been out for a while, but was lazy to link it till today.

big games coming up this week.

hamburg against bayern, valencia against real.

it's not the best time, considering poor form and injuries.

but if you look at it, it's also the best chance to stop the rot.

a crisis is a terrible thing to waste- paul romer

so the time has come for us to right some things.

if the ball comes to you, what would you do?

would you avoid it, or will you hit it with venom and precision, like tugay did for blackburn, and become the hero?

show it to me then.

how come he always score such goals ah?

we survived

"we might have made it to the last four last season and we have tradition and a proud history, but the fact remains that in europe, there are teams bigger than we are. and this means that if we want to go far in the competition, we have to play these teams. manchester united is one such team. the question is not how big they are, but how much we want it. and i believe we want it enough. i have full faith in my players to show it to me on the pitch." -huysegem

ajax hosts manchester united for the first leg of the round of sixteen, having gotten through after holding bayern munich to a draw, thanks to a stunning goal from boy wonder frederic thiers.

ajax amsterdam could not have gotten off to a better start. de bruijn dispossed matisse, feeding the ball to van kijns, who sent a sweet long ball all the way to sofronie. sofronie cut inside the south african pier verdonk, and took the ball into the box. as ridgewell, marawski and taylor prepared for his shot, he simply squared the ball to Yusuf, the egyptian calmly slotting in for the simplest of goals. three minutes, and ajax were one up.

fifteen minutes later, smith gave away a freekick at the edge of the area. flannen curled a superb freekick past the wall and beyond taylor's outstretched arms to double the advantage.

manchester united found themselves three nil down at half time, thiers rampaging past roberts on the left before delivering a pinpoint cross for sofronie to head past taylor.

the second half saw the visitors up a gear as they sought to revive their champions league ambitions. they finally got a goal five minutes from time, portuguese striker delporte rising to nod in matisse's corner.

"it is a fantastic result. we got the early goal, settled into the game. we were sharp upfront. i think we were the better team, our passing was good, the pressure was good, we disrupted their game. i think that was the difference between the two teams today." -huysegem

The second leg was a much different affair from the first, with the hosts pressing right from the start for the goals that would take them through. They got a goal midway through the first half, once again through Delporte. The onslaught continued, but Ajax held on for the remainder of the match.

“We hadn’t come here to defend, but Man United, they played very well, pressed us right from the start. We couldn’t play our game. But I am very proud of us tonight. We defended with our lives. We showed that we wanted to go on. We survived,” Flannen asserted after the game.

They might have lost the match, but Ajax had won the tie and thus went through to the quarterfinal, setting up a date with Galatasaray of Turkey.

like the flowing river

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrzfGynHjJY
at around 1 minute is the part when sayu got covered by the door. it's so funny and cute!

the united nations was not created to take humanity to heven, but to save it from hell- dag hammarskjold

from like the flowing river, paulo coelho

how often, for the lack of one brick, we completely distort the original plan of our lives.

how do we know the exact moment when night ends and day begins?
when a stranger approaches and we think he is our brother, and all conflicts disappear, that is the moment when night ends and day begins

actually, there's alot of nice stuff in it. i might as well put the whole book in here, but i probably would get sued. probably not by the man himself though, judgin from my impression of him; he isn't that sort. and he did say he thinks that books should travel from hand to hand. i would sorta be doing it, so i guess he would have intervened to save me. anyway, i would strongly recommend it. and it's quite light, cos it's basically made up of reflections and very short writings. and i mean really short. like at most 3 or 4 pages, at most.

no humongous chunks to read through. and it's informal and very personal.

anyhow, at the moment, i am quite interested in shorter writings

after the game against hamburg the last time round, arsenal embarked on their winning run.

and if you look at it, you realise that arsenal since then, has not conceded after scoring. meaning if they score, you know they are going to win.

there is this aura about them, that once they score, you know the other team will never get back into the game again.

that's why i thought the game at hamburg was a turning point.

and the 3-1 win at emirates against hamburg, i believe, is another turning point. because it's the first time arsenal has come from behind to win at home.

another jinx has been broken.

so i guess it's byebye to theose 1-1 draws at emirates.

anyway, van der vaart's goal is very nice.

but van persie's goal is nicer, because it consisted of two sweet turns by hleb and fabregas.

and baptista's goal showed something- it's the far post.

anyway, nakamura's goal was a beauty as well. the flight of the ball was very beautiful. there was nothing van der sar could have done. i wonder how one would feel, losing to such a goal. can you really accept it? one moment of magic.

i think it was very nice when parkhead erupted when the ball went in. i am sure it was a very special day, a very special moment for shunsuke nakamura.

but what happened at parkhead was what i predicted would happen at sheffield united. so this kind of outcome did arrive, but 3 days late.

man u finally gets a slight taste of what we go through. at least celtic had had more chances

it was chaotic outside. people were everywhere, all around. the man was on his knees, his arms flailing wildly. his face was contorted in anguish and despair.

he must be shouting out. screaming out. although i couldn't really tell; the glass separated him from me. a grown man crying, appealing, pleaing. i sipped my tea. it was an affecting sight, but somehow, i felt detached watching him. within the glass, the noises were blocked off. i was part of it, yet not a part of it. like watching a movie. in particular, a silent one.

it seemed so surreal: outside the glass, chaos reigned; within the glass, peace.

and i wonder, how much do i actually believe in that?

nakashima mika's glamourous sky is really one of the nicest songs ever.

the only thing i can't really decide on is whether the accoustic version she sang on music station super live 2005 is nicer or the normal version.

speaking of ms super live, the year end is approaching, so i suspect 06's edition is coming out soon.

can't wait.

in the beginning of spring, when there was still snow, our relationship ended.

this line is still stuck on me. from nana the movie.

good evening, we are blast.

there's another scene from that movie which remains etched in my memory. the part when she first listens to the demo of glamorous sky and then proceeds to sing to it. it was very explosive when he strummed his bass. and it was so cool when she said: yasu, are u listening? i will make this a night to remember. and then used her phone as a mike.

seems like i am not going to japan in march after all. thanks, chelsea with an A.

talking to matt and hq at bongout, i realise i am missing taipei. and taiwan's weather.

sometimes we need a break from some place. go somewhere else, where nobody knows us. like starting anew.

convenience stores, combi as the japanese call them, are actually a symbol of liberation, if you think about it.

anyway hearing wk describe his shabu shabu lunch, i realise i want to eat that again too. only had it once in my life, and it was in tokyo. the sauce, the everything.

and that ricebowl with the superfresh tuna.

i think the nicest food i ever ate in my life was in tokyo. all there.

they say seafood's disappearing?!?!! that would be my nightmare.

green tea plus red bean is somehow a very powerful combi. dunno why.

winter's really coming!

the 1-1 draw with england was very disappointing. they were more lively, but distinctly uncomfortable with the 4-3-3, some say.

even though we had an off day, we looked right at home with 4-3-3.

the dutch grew up with 4-3-3. but the real reason why we switched back to 4-3-3 as compared to the late 90's was because we do not ahve dennis bergkamp anymore.

there are a few questions that need to be answered.

first, cocu. who is going to replace cocu? seedorf was recalled for that purpose. i am not very sure about it. after all, seedorf really had had his chances. i don't think he was particularly outstanding either.

for me, the answer is very straightforward. the three midfielders will come from van der vaart, sneijder, maduro, stijn schaars. choose 3.

of more pressing concern would be the frontline. van niistelrooy knocked in 4 goals against osasuna as kuyt looked lost in the centre. van der vaart was on the right, and they say micah richards got the better of robben. the last point, i don't really care. because one chance is all that robben needs. and if i beat u 10 times, you are gone. your career is over as a defender.

but anyway, van der vaart shouldnt be on the right. not on the left either, i guess. play him in the center, i think.

kuyt's place is on the bench. huntelaar should start. he might not be scoring as freely, last season's european golden boot winner, but he is the man for us. i believe in that.

what about van niistelrooy? i have seen the 4 goals. very clinically done, and shows the positive side of his intelligence.

positive, because van niistelrooy is a very clever player who uses his brains for dirty tricks as well. but the 4 goals were well taken. he was in space, he drifted into space, and that gave his technique the chance to showcase itself to the world.

it was very clever. it just shows that he still ahve something to give: he can be the player to come in when need be, to come in and win the game.

because he still can score, but he's had had his chances.

tell me what you think, marco van basten.

2 draws and a defeat.

a 3-0 defeat at sevilla. i was thinking, it would be the perfect time to stop the rot, never mind that we had so many players down with injuries. the past few games, we have dropped far too many points. against sevilla was the best time, because they are flying high at the moment. bring them crashing back to earth. at the same time, get us back on track. we deserve more from our sterling start. are we going to throw everything away?

we always talk about that perfect moment.

when that moment finally comes, are you going to run away?

or are you going to seize it, score, and be that hero?

yes and no

knowing does not mean believing.

not believing means i don't have to do it.

understanding does not mean agreement.

the japanese summed it best when they say yes during negotiations and discussions, when all it meant was that they heard what you say.

and then they do nothing about it.

charity

and so it was not meant to be.

when the former man u man gillespie scored, i thought that was it. man u was going to lose. never mind that man u were dominating, i thought it was going to be the story of the week.

a former man u man scoring teh winner against his former club, a keeper with marital problems pulling off saves after saves to deny man u, and of course the defence defending bravely.

plenty of heroics there were, but two defensive errors meant that man u were still winning.

of course you can say sheffield landed themselves in shit when they threw away all their brave defending by giving the ball back to man u. but it was still a good try. almost.

and so, it was left to arsenal and liverpool to be the "big teams" that stumble this week. yet again. if u notice, the 4 so-called big teams chelsea, man utd, arsenal and liverpool do not all win together. at least one will screw up.

pool are, of course, the long-suffering ones, every away game, you can count on them to slip up. arsenal too, when it comes to weak opposition.

sometimes i wonder, people always say man utd deserve to win, like yesterday, tt they deserve to win, because they dominated etc etc.

isn't it the same for arsenal? i don't think they deserve it any more than arsenal. why is it them and not us?

it is time for man utd to start losing, along with chelsea. next week will be it. it's time for man u to be punished for not converting. they can't always get away with it.

by the way, we are not running a charity organisation here. so can we please stop conceding silly goals and start converting all the chances and possession into goals? can we be more ruthless? can we kill them off? can we be the ones that deliver the knockout blow to send them to division 1?

can we?

i am quite intrigued by jean paul satre's existentialism and humanism.

abandonment, anguish, despair.

we are condemned to be free.

you are free, therefore choose.

let you know, in case you don't

sometimes, it is not that we can't put on a mask, not that we can't put on a show, conceal our emotions.

sometimes, we just want to show it to you. let you know, in case you don't know.

a deliberate show of rebellion.

the kind of reaction which is not really positive, but which i fancy, because it encompasses belligerence, discipline and professionalism.

belligerence because you are fighting against him.
discipline because you don't bring it beyond an unacceptable level.
professionalism because you still do what is required.

flux

that particular moment is very important. the right moment.

i think goals are scored when there is a flux. there must be movement. there must be changes in the position. like when a player is outside, waiting to cross the ball in. if he holds up the ball for too long, or when his teammate gets into position too early, the moment is lost. over.

i think it is more difficult to score when you cross to someone who's already in that position for a while, rather than someone who just gets into that position. of course a while could mean only a matter of 1 or 2 seconds, but this could be everything.

flux is important because it catches the opponent offguard. at that instant, the equation changes to your favour. that is the underlying principle behind movement off the ball. otherwise, if your people are already in position when you deliver the ball, the defenders are basically already prepared to deal with the situation at hand. and more often than not, they will come out tops. so, the movement is very important.

but then, goals can also be scored when there is an apparently a lack of flux. like when time suddenly freezes and then a person shoots. but when you think about it, rather than this being "anti-flux", it really is flux itself. from static to motion.

so there must be a change of state, that is the conclusion.

i guess it is thus naive to think that we can cross the ball any time, and we can get into the position anytime to wait to head the ball in and expect to score.

naive thinking.

"tomorrow is december."

"huh?"

"what would you do, if you realise tomorrow is december?"

"life goes on?"

"no, what if the start of december means you only have 31 days left here, and december arrives tomorrow. what would you do?"

"i don't know."

they sat on the same bench, facing the same street, watching the same car speed in that direction, but both headed in different directions.

"you are really leaving?"

he did not answer.

"don't you want to stay?"

"it's time to go home." he lets out a whiff of cold air. "it's really time for me to go home."

demand and supply

you need to do it first, before you can demand it of others. but even if you have done it and demand it, it doesn't mean that they have to do it.

just because you demand, doesnt mean there's supply.

you see, the market doesn't always clear.

you have to ask: why are people unwilling to supply?

to answer this question, you have to go in and understand them.

not pretend to think you know them. if there is a misalignment of interests, you can never come to a common point.

you need to understand this first. otherwise, you will always be wondering why there is a shortage.

sweetness overdose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzQPpmnFWe4

otsuka ai's renai shashin

take a look at 2:19. and the last bit.

the photos are very, very nice. i think.

surreal is the word.

don't watch too much, you just might get diabetes.

5:09
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_NRIkgCc_Q

otsuka ai's love cook tour. think it was the opening song. i am very tempted to buy the dvd of the love cook tour, cos it's got all the songs taht werent included in love punch. like 5:09.

of reactions

that is the way to react. i must say, that is the way to react. 3-0 to arsenal at the emirates, after a draw at everton, a draw against moscow, a loss at west ham.

and when the attackers can't score, the defenders must come up to score.

they say arsenal showed alot of desire. much more than pool. yes, we are talking about desire here. how much do you want it? i am glad and proud that you wanted it enough.

so, it's really goodbye, liverpool.

anyway i read somewhere that somebody felt that arsenal's play was reminiscent of cryuff's total football.

almost, almost.

we lost the biggest game of the season at the arena, handing the initiative back to psv. it's still close. we have to show the reaction arsenal showed.

anyway, of reactions, the kind of reaction arsenal showed was the most ideal. less ideal, of course is arsene wenger's outburst against pardew. and sometimes you wonder, we can't possibly react in the most ideal of ways all the time. more often than not, we react negatively.

it is difficult to react in a positive manner all the time. i am guilty of it much of the time, especially when it comes to matters pertaining to chelsea with an A. but can you fault me on that? i am only human. if i could, i wouldn't be here, typing this, unless they have internet and computers up in heaven.

apparently, chelsea with an A are made up of humans too, because they can almost certainly never react positively. always looking to blame someone. blaming culture. always pushing it around, always looking around for something that doesn't always exist. oh, and an overactive imagination that doesn't attempt to create beauty(as stylish teams like arsenal do), but stifle it and propagate ugliness that is so characteristic of them.

so now you know why they are so good at defending. and the core members of the team(though i wouldnt really call it a team, what kind of a team functions like that?!) always cover for one another. so perfectly done, it frustrates the attackers. they always look behind. and around. but never at the right place. never for the right thing.

we can't always do it, but when we channel all our frustration into a positive reaction, it can be very, very powerful indeed.

i am keeping this in mind. maybe chelsea with an A should as well.

but maybe i won't want them to.

otherwise i would lose my moral high ground over them. anyway, lookin at the way things are, i dare say confidently that they won't. not this lifetime. not even the next.

maybe the question should not be why all the time, but how. and where. how do we set it right. where do we go from here.

he guided his bike into the space beside the small shop and leaned it against the wall.

"welcome!"

he shivered slightly. "hello. it's cold today."

"indeed it is," the elderly lady, mrs nakamura smiled, her eyes disappearing into her wrinkles. "the usual?"

"yeah. thanks."

'to Fran's friend, i know you will bounce back soon.'

the radio was on. and seamo's mata aimashou played.

"nice song isnt't it? but so melancholic," mrs nakamura commented as she handed him his buns.

he smiled. "how's your english lessons coming along?"

"oh, not bad. dana's programme certainly helps alot."

"maybe you should write in one day."

she laughed. it was a hearty laugh. "maybe."

she handed him his change. "maybe i will dedicate a song to you. to bless you till you reach home."

he bowed slightly. "i will thank you from my heart."

"goodbye," he said, raising the paper bag with the buns.

he continued on his way.

november 11. in the midst of autumn. his last autumn in tokyo. a month or so more, his last christmas in tokyo. and then the midnight flight back to munich on new year's eve.

he should reach munich just after midnight, munich time. on new year's day.

a brand new start.

we have a message here from Fran. it says here: hey dj, i would like to dedicate seamo's mata aimashou to my friend. may the lyrics keep him company and warm him this chilly autumn. thanks.

hmm, do you prefer to listen to sad songs or happy songs when you are feeling down? i think i prefer sad songs, because they make you feel as though you aren't alone. you draw strength from it, knowing you aren't alone. to Fran's friend, i know you will bounce back soon.

The two of us shined back then
I thought that our love would last forever
You're not by my side anymore
And it's the same for me by your side...

Showing you a tear stained face that
You haven't seen up until now
I've been grasping ahold of your hand
And if I were to let go of it,
I wouldn't be able to see you anymore
I say this because I want to say goodbye with a smile
Let's meet again, let's meet again

I've been strong and gentle for you I
've been there for you, that's for sure
I hate not losing, a drama of pretending to be strong
At the end of it all, I can't be myself
Your words bring tears to me
But my words bring encouragement to you
The magic of words will soon
Become good memories, and disappear
And I won't apologize for hurting you
But thank you, I can't say more than that I didn't have a destination
The thing that I arrived at was your kindness
You aren't that strong
Are you just enduring sadness?
It's alright to cry, because I'm crying too
Forgive me for today, god

Showing you a tear stained face that
You haven't seen up until now I
've been grasping ahold of your hand
And if I were to let go of it, I wouldn't be able to see you anymore
I say this because I want to say goodbye with a smile
Let's meet again, let's meet again

You're loved by all sorts of different people
You're always so radiant
So I get jealous, we fight, we cry
I can't do this anymore
I've fallen in love with someone different
I'm walking with a different kind of person
I was really happy (I was really happy too)
One day this will probably disappear from my heart
So I want to do it, to be proud of this love
And the wonderful past, in the future
So page is turned to tomorrow, with a tear stained smile
And the first thing to happen is saying goodbye here
I know that we certainly won't meet again...
So I say let's meet again T
hose are my goodbye words

Showing you a tear stained face that
You haven't seen up until now
I've been grasping ahold of your hand
And if I were to let go of it,
I wouldn't be able to see you anymore
I say this because I want to say goodbye with a smile
Let's meet again, let's meet again

My feelings aren't divided, it's simple
We should each of us to treasure our own memories
Until we take care of this, that's what we should think
I can't see you, and even though you're not at my side
I think that, it's something I'll never forget...

The precious days that I spent with you
Enveloped me gently
But from tomorrow on, I won't see you again
If we're reborn, then certainly
Let's meet again

Showing you a tear stained face that
You haven't seen up until now
I've been grasping ahold of your hand
And if I were to let go of it,
I wouldn't be able to see you anymore
I say this because I want to say goodbye with a smile
Let's meet again, let's meet again

Goodbyes are sad
So we can smile during fun times
I have accepted reality, without running away from it
And of course,
I'm glad that I met you

i think i am forming this habit of listing down 20 songs at the end of each year, the so-called 20 songs which i will bring with me to the next year. you can also see it as my favourite 20 songs for that year(though they might not be released that year, and they most prob werent). and looking back, i think the choice was also dependent on the state of the heart, which means that the choice of songs actually reflect the songs in favour in november and december, rather than the whole year. so, it's not really very accurate.

wadeva it is, i know that in this year's list, the following will be there: glam sky, endless story, precious, amaenbo, konayuki, michishirube, hana, sangatsu kokonoka, sign, bokura no te, symphonie.

sign, because it meant so much to me right up till the middle of the year.
***

"Mr van der Meer, is Ajax in a crisis?"

"Yes, we are in a crisis."

redemption

you only have one and a half, two hours each week to right things.

to redeem yourself after 5 days of shovelling shit, 5 days of putting up with hypocrisy, 5 days of letting yourself down, 5 days of turning back on your principles, 5 days of wandering in the wilderness, 5 days of being the un-you.

you wait a whole 7 days for that day to wipe the slate clean, to start anew. they say god made sunday for rest. redemption, i say.

and when that day comes, you really only have that limited amount of time. you do get another chance, but it's another 7 days.

now, imagine the pain if you let slip the chance.

mata aimashou

watching the last25 minutes of man city v newcastle, it suddenly struck me that emre belozoglu was playing. and in that 25 minutes which was largely dominated by man city, watching newcastle and emre play, i felt a tinge of sadness.

no doubt newcastle snapped into life in the last 5 minutes, and had a superb move in the 88th minute instigated by emre, one that is almost as good as arsenal's, but the fact remained that newcastle were outplayed.

and the fact remained that emre belozoglu, the prince of turkish football, is reduced to such a state. i am not trying to put newcastle down; i have watched goal the movie and saw in it the pride the tyneside has in their team, and they certainly have history and tradition, but i think they have become a graveyard for footballers. luque, owen, emre, to a lesser extent parker.

all players capable of much more. especially emre. why is he there? he should be playing in europe, with the very best.

so should trabelsi. he would be welcomed in arsenal. i am sure.

there's this song by seamo, called mata aimashou. let's meet again.
http://www.mognet.net/artisttranslation.php?id=1740&translation=english
it may not sound very sad. but the lyrics are very sad. the sadness is hidden within. here is someone keeping up a brave front. but in actual fact, he is crying within himself.

he is crying within.

gut feeling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xrrl7uZX3c

we do not always win.

this is a very nice clip about ajax. you can see so many players of the past in it.

henk ten cate may just be the one to lead us to glory again. although i can't quite accept the fact that we are not playing in the champions' league.

but still, you have to admit that to beat psv 3-1 in the johann cryuiff schaal and then thrash feyenoord 4-0 at the de kuip in a game that could ahve been 10-1, all major rivals for us, is quite a good feeling and somehow dispels the disappointment of the champions' league disaster. especially when we have made our best start to the league in don't know how many years.

but it's psv on sunday. if we win, they are 5 points off. it is the best chance to deal them a knockout blow, although it wun be easy: they are in as good form as us.

aaron lennon's goal is quite nice. especially since he gave me 21.50. but all these mean nothing when arsenal lost to west ham. i am not really interested in finding out how harewood scored, or how we lost.

because it's liverpool on sunday. we have to ask ourselves: do we want to win, do we want to play?

if we can answer that question with a yes on the pitch, that's all that matters.

we are only 4 points off chelsea, assuming we win our game in hand. man utd is even further ahead, but somehow, my gut feeling tells me that man utd wun be the champions. liverpool have caught up, just like what they had predicted when they analysed the next six opponents of liverpool after the embarrassing loss to man utd. but they still won't win the title. their current run and their so-called resurgence might bring them to third, fourth place. but it's not first place. and that will be it. not any higher. so they won't really be in contention. and so i believe that my initial stand, that liverpool is out of the title race still stands. they may make themselves seem to be in it, but the fact remains that they aren't.

my gut feeling is that only chelsea matters. and my gut feeling is that ___ will be the champions, come next may.

and my gut feeling was the one that told me spurs wuld beat chelsea.

from that game, i realised that only the first thought will be accurate, when it comes to gut feeling. if you miss that first murmur, you have lost it. unless you are able to sieve through all the muck that sets in after that first murmur.

it's like being at a party and someone whispers something, and then everyone else starts talking loudly. if you miss it, no matter how much the person repeats it, i don't think you can catch it again. you can then think back and try to figure out what he said, try to remember, by using your memory of his lips or something. but it will be very difficult. especially when your ears keep picking up what others are saying. which just make it all a total mess.

so my point is that you probably only have one chance to listen your gut. otherwise you need a bit of luck to remember what it said. i had that: i managed to sieve through everything else last sunday to come to the amazing conclusion that my gut said spurs would win. and so, i won.

but it would be much nicer if we win.

death knell for the optimist

there's a song by silbermond called zeit fuer optimisten.

anyway that's not the point.

but i guess i am an optimist at heart. how else could you explain how i allow myself to be cheated over and over again?

and it isn't really very good...because you know the word "disappointment"? you will just feel it again and again. over and over. and it isn't a very good feeling, trust me.

maybe i have become numbed too, based on today's reaction. somewhat muted. or maybe it's because of jay chou's feng, which certainly did helped to calm things down a little. and i must admit, the lyrics were very good. seriously good.

so i guess i should say goodbye to the optimist. bury him for good. has only caused me grief.

I'm not your God
I'm not your hero
I'm not your Messiah
Don't break my heart
-chihiro onitsuka's not your god

god and dog. do you realise you only need to reverse the order?

and please keep your own house in order before trying to push everything to us.
and sometimes, i even wonder if looking for someone to blame is really necessary.

focusing on the wrong thing again.

wait. regarding what i mentioned at the beginning, i think you can burn it all.

no way. muri. impossible. nie.

because it would have meant i have lost.

we need a hero here please

can we be a little more responsible?

can you others show more initiative?

sometimes i get very sick of having to move first all the time. waiting and waiting, like all the others, but the wait is just futile. so i have to move myself. am i the only one who has seen the space or what?!

and i hate it, and feel that it shouldn't be this way, because i have this moral high ground, from that fact that i have taken the first step rather often before, such that i think the other people should be moving and let me rest for once. i don't want to be the hero.

do not disturb sign, thank you very much.

it's not something that means that much to me, that's why i am not willing to do it. but it will bring gains. and me being man, the rational creature that makes rational decisions to maximise self-interest, i will somehow want it done, do it, thus fulfilling one of the economists' grand assumptions.

which makes me wonder. i have sounded out, spelt it out for them the potential benefits, egged them on, tried to make them move. but they dun seem to listen. either they are an illustration of the game theory( maximax strategy to get the gain without doing anything, thanks to someone else doing the necessary) or they are not rational beings. or worse: not even humans. gasps.

adam smith would have turned in his grave.

anyway, i am not talking about football. it means too much for me to try and sit and wait for others. can't even try, because i get all restless.

it's mutiny. we are going to break away. at last.

desire.heart.passion.love.hunger.

a man lost between two cultures

i read akira yoshimura's storm rider, essentially a book about joseph heco, the first japanese to become a naturalised american.

towards the end, when heco looked back on his life, he realised that while he was an interpreter, he was always very busy, working with top-level people, doing important work. but ultimately, he was always doing things for others, at the beck and call of others.

how sad.

anyway the last part, about his tombstone. that it belonged to hikozo was in english, and below that was "here lies joseph heco" in japanese.

how very ironic and beautiful at the same time.

i think the ball is like a lover. you have to love it. but much as you want to keep it with you all the time, you have to let go of it. you must hold on and let go at the right time. then it will be with you, listen to you.

it can be a very simple thing, but if you know it and apply it, then you are one level above.

never got into it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3onPpD5XOMw

konayuki live in tokyo 12 august 2006 by remioromen.

woah, so cool. reminds me of arena of sound in stuttgart.

now, imagine an open plaze, a stage, and remioromen, silbermond, wir sind helden, juli, orange range, b'z, otsuka ai, nakashima mika, glay etc etc.

just perfect, i would think.

anyway, these few days, the opening tune of otsuka ai's always together keeps popping up in my mind.

so, we did it again. or rather, we failed to. yet another draw because we couldn't kill them. one goal is all that is. it is very important that we play with style, but we must win the game. we must score. we must convert. now, we have made things complicated in the group. i am banking on hamburg to beat moscow to make it easier for us. we took control of the group right from the start. it would be very stupid to lose it. i don't want to think about the unsavoury possibility. but we have to win the next two games, that's for sure.

anyway, on a brighter side, ajax beat vienna 3-0. always good to win. huntelaar with 2 goals. sunday against heracles.

and i came across hu si luan xiang by k-one and ivy on channel 51. not bad, not bad. very long nv hear a new nice chinese song that's managed to make an impact on the first time already.

live at ximending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfs3_5MLhfc
mv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WacC6VrPFo

2 hours. 120 minutes. 7200 seconds.
actually, it's perfectly okay if we were doing something constructive.
but the fact was that we weren't.
and i can't really accept this kind of waste.
it's really time going into the drain.
so damn bloody stupid.

and guess what.
it can only be chelsea with an a.

he must hate green alot.

it just occured to me that sometimes you keep thinking about the guy running behind you, worrying that he's catching up.

maybe he's thinking: oh shit, i can't catch up with him.

so maybe you should be thinking: he can't catch me.

looking like something doesn't mean it's something.

like people thinking you look like that sort doesnt necessarily mean you are that sort.

anyway, valencia are through to the next round with a 2-2 draw at shaktar. it is disappointing not to have won, but you must admit that to get results in the far east is always very difficult. somehow. the eastern cold, i suppose. but it makes football romantic actually, all these "strongholds", real or imagined. in fact, i think if you can shut yourself from the crowd and all these perceptions, maybe home advantage would not exist.

werder bremen might be 2 points ahead of barcelona, but i have a feeling that when they meet on the last day, barcelona would sneak it and break german hearts. in any case, barcelona can regain the initiative by beating sofia and hoping chelsea beat bremen. if that happens, then bremen might beat barcelona on the last day to qualify.

whatever it is, i think it is all set for a grand finale to that group. someone will break someone's heart in the cruelest, yet most spectacular of fashion.

that's the romantic part about football.

anyway, a few days ago, i came across some criticism of murakami, after murakami claimed that he felt disgust and sadness when he comes across kogaru and ganguro(basically some kind of fashion style). yes, i like murakami's works, but the whole article was quite absurd. i mean, they slammed him for being narrow-minded and went on to criticise his works and him. they explained that they had to go back, to examine murakami in order to explain why murakami said what he said(i would agree with this approach, actually).

but, basically if you ask me, i think they were talking crap. i looked at it very objectively and i conclude that either they are like dennis bergkamp who can see a space to pass into when no one else can, or i am a complete fool, which incidentally i don't think i am. their argument is crap. there is no link at all, however hard they try. they are trying to say that murakami said that because he is murakami and of course they painted a very unflattering picture of him. all that without really using murakami's background to prove their point, to prove that murakami is indeed murakami, though they provided much of it. i think they are trying to say that smart people can never say stupid things and stupid people can never say intelligent things, which is of course not true, since there is no 100% in this world.

to sum it all up, it leaves me feeling that they said what they said because they don't like his works. simply because they don't like his works.

it is really too biased. like my rants against chelsea and "chelsea with an A".

make them earn their pay. don't let them exploit you. they should earn their pay.